This Redditor turned to the community for advice after being called out for being a horrible woman for not wanting to raise a baby born from her ex-husband’s affair. Was she wrong to refuse?
Late Ex-husband and Mistress-Turned-Wife
OP (Original Poster) had an ex-husband who cheated on her with his mistress-turned-wife. However, six months before this story was posted, they both died in a car accident, leaving their three-year-old affair baby with no guardian.
History of His Affair
OP also gave some background into the kind of relationship she had with her ex-husband. She said they had been divorced three years before his car accident, and the main reason was that her ex-husband had been cheating on her for about six years.
She also said she shared three children with her husband—a 17-year-old son and 16-year-old and 15-year-old daughters. OP divorced her husband three years ago when she learned about the affair and that he got his new wife, previously mistress, pregnant.
Cutting Ties
OP cut off her ex-husband from her life except for their “semi-civil co-parenting.” She also said, “I have never had anything to do with his daughter, who is now three.”
Caring for the Child
OP then shared that when her ex-husband and new wife died, her former mother-in-law took in their daughter temporarily. The child’s mom had no relatives willing to take her in, so OP’s former mother-in-law stepped in.
She was in poor health and had no other child to care for her granddaughter. Even so, she wanted to do her best to keep her out of foster care.
Reaching Out to Her
Then, two months before this story was posted, OP said her former mother-in-law reached out to her to ask her “to consider raising her granddaughter, seeing as she is the half-sibling of her children,” but OP told her no.
She then said that she spoke to OP’s children about it, but they refused to ask their mom on her behalf.
Consulting Her Kids
OP’s former mother-in-law suggested that her kids might have wanted to keep their half-sibling in their life and that she might be hindering them from doing so. Upon hearing that, OP straightforwardly asked her kids if they had any plans on taking care of their half-sibling once they turn 18—they all said no.
She also shared, “My son said his grandma had mentioned that to him, but he didn’t care. My girls share a similar sentiment—though she did not ask them directly.”
Being Pushy
After OP heard her kids’ thoughts, she said no to her former mother-in-law again. However, she kept pushing and didn’t want to give up; she even said that her granddaughter was OP’s family.
It seemed OP was slowly getting frustrated, so she shared in her post, “I cut her off and said that is not true. I told her I was not the child’s mother, stepmother, aunt, or anything that would imply family.”
Guilt-Tripping Her Into Agreeing
Despite OP’s straightforward answer, her former mother-in-law did not seem to want to give up. She tried to guilt her into agreeing and said she would have to call the case worker if she still didn’t agree.
OP also shared, “She told me to do it for her granddaughter, that she’s innocent, how can I not love her—and rambled on a lot about that.”
I’ll Never Agree to This
Even with all of her former mother-in-law’s emotional blackmail, OP adamantly refused. She said she would not be taking her in and that foster care might be the best option for her if her grandmother couldn’t raise her.
Horrible, Evil Woman
With OP’s outburst, her former mother-in-law told her she was a “horrible, evil woman!”
She also said it was unsurprising for her other grandchildren to think that way about their half-sister because of OP’s attitude toward her. She also told OP she hoped her decision wouldn’t come back to bite her in the a** one day.
Frustrated Response
OP is apologetic for how she talked to her former mother-in-law and what she said about her granddaughter.
She admitted that what she said and how it was said was out of frustration. Was she an a**hole for doing so?
The Community’s Take on the Matter
The community wanted OP to accept that the child is her kids’ half-sibling. However, she had no obligation whatsoever to care for her.
A top commenter said, “Yes, the child is a half-sibling to your children, but that does not create an obligation on your part. Some people are able to take on roles like your ex-mother-in-law is suggesting, and some people can’t or won’t. There’s nothing wrong with that. Your ex-mother-in-law needs to back off. This was her choice; now she can deal with it.”
Your Ex-mother-In-Law Is Way Out of Line!
Redditors also commended OP for even talking to her kids about the issue. After all, it’s not common for people to be open to this kind of discussion.
One said, “Not the a**hole; it is insane for the ex-mother-in-law to try to rope you into this. You went above and beyond, even talking to your kids about this.” Then, another Redditor replied to this comment and said, “I mean, it’s not insane; it’s desperate. I can understand 100% why she’s trying to do it, but also why it’s never going to happen.”
This Is an Awful Situation
Redditors don’t blame OP for her decision, but they also clearly understand where her ex-mother-in-law comes from.
A person said, “You are completely within your rights to say no, and I don’t blame you. At the same time, I cannot fault a grieving mother for fighting tooth and nail to try to protect her grandchild from being abused in the foster care system. This is an awful situation all around.”
What do you think about the issue? What do you think is the best course of action?
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This post first appeared as She Refused to Raise Her Ex-husband and New Wife’s Affair Baby After They Died, so She Got Called a “Horrible, Evil Woman” by Her Former Mother-In-Law on Quote Ambition.
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