25 Crazy, Stupid, Love Quotes on Relationships & Infidelity

Learn about the truth of relationships through these Crazy, Stupid, Love quotes we’ve gathered!

Love and relationships can seem like all rainbows for some. However, if you’ve ever been in love, you know that’s not the case. When someone loves, that person becomes vulnerable to pain and tears.

The movie talks about Cal’s love story. He’s a middle-aged man experiencing a life crisis when he found out his wife cheated on him and wanted to divorce him. This led Cal to move to a new apartment and frequently visit a bar.

There, he meets Jacob, a womanizer who wants to help Cal regain his masculinity. Although he went with Jacob’s plan, Cal realized that Emily would always be the only woman for him in the end.

Life, love, and more are discussed in Crazy, Stupid, Love. So, if you’re interested, read on.

And make sure to check out these Whiplash quotes and Crazy Rich Asians quotes.

Best Crazy, Stupid, Love Quotes

1. “I have loved her even when I hated her. Only married couples will understand that one.” – Cal Weaver

2. Cal Weaver: “I’m so mad at you. I’m really mad at you for what you did. But I’m mad at myself too. Because I should not have jumped out of that car—I should have fought for you. Because you fight for your soulmates.”

Emily Weaver: “I miss you.”

3. “I’m going to help you rediscover your manhood. Do you have any idea where you could have lost it?” – Jacob Palmer

4. “The war between the sexes is over. We won the second women started doing pole dancing for exercise.” – Jacob Palmer

5. “I will never stop trying. Because when you find the one, you never give up.” – Cal Weaver

6. “You wanna talk about The Scarlet Letter, Ms. Tafferty? All right. Well, the ‘A’ they’re both wearing—I think it stands for ‘*sshole.’ Wanna know why? Because they fell in love, and love is for stupid *ssholes. And this book is just about a bunch of *ssholes who fell in love, like *ssholes, then had to die, like *ssholes. I’m sorry about all the ‘*ssholes.’” – Robbie Weaver

7. Jacob Palmer: “Let’s talk about how many women you’ve been with.”

Cal Weaver: “Sexually?”

Jacob Palmer: “Yeah, no. I mean break dance fighting.”

8. “I’m wildly unhappy, and I’m trying to buy it, and it’s not working.” – Jacob Palmer

9. Robbie Weaver: “If you love her, then go get her back.”

Cal Weaver: “Wow, how old are you?”

10. Cal Weaver: “Who told you that Emily and I are getting divorced?”

Cal’s Boss: “Amy heard you crying in the bathroom. We all thought it was cancer.”

Cal Weaver: “Oh—.”

Cal’s Boss: “Thank God, man.”

Cal Weaver: “Yeah, just my relationship.”

Crazy, Stupid, Love Quotes That’ll Make You Giggle

11. “I don’t know whether to help you or euthanize you.” – Jacob Palmer

12. Hannah Weaver: “Take off your shirt!”

Jacob Palmer: “Why?”

Hannah Weaver: “Will you take off your shirt? Seriously!? It’s like you’re photoshopped!”

13. Cal Weaver: “Hey, guess what?”

Girl at Bar: “What?”

Cal Weaver: “My wife is having intercourse with someone who is not me.”

Girl at Bar: “I’m—I’m sorry to hear that.”

Cal Weaver: “Oh, thank you. That is very nice of you to say. Very very nice. She just told me; I just found out. So I’m a little raw. It’s—it’s—okay. Well, you’re not listening. Okay! You wouldn’t ignore me if I were David Lindhagen. My wife doesn’t ignore David Lindhagen, she screws him. She screws him.”

14. Emily Weaver: “I’m trying to think about what I want.”

Cal Weaver: “Why don’t we just say it at the same time? One, two, three—.”

Emily Weaver: “I want a divorce.”

Cal Weaver: “Creme brulee—.”

15. “The skin under your eyes is starting to look like Hugh Hefner’s ball sack.” – Jacob Palmer

16. Hannah Weaver: “I am here to bang the hot guy that hit on me at the bar.”

Jacob Palmer: “Jacob.”

Hannah Weaver: “Jacob—.”

Jacob Palmer: “Are people still saying ‘bang?’”

Hannah Weaver: “Oh, I do. We’re gonna bang.”

17. Jacob Palmer: “You see that, Cal? As soon as you opened your mouth, Tiffany started doubting whether she wanted to sleep with you anymore.”

Cal Weaver: “That’s probably the meanest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

18. Cal Weaver: “God, can you put on some clothes, please?”

Jacob Palmer: “Oh, I’m sorry is this bothering you?”

Cal Weaver: “No, it’s not!”

Jacob Palmer: “Cal, if it’s not bothering you, then we’ve got a bigger problem.”

19. “You’re as ready as you’re ever gonna be. You play your strengths, pal. That’s all any of us can do. I’m mysterious, I’m, you know, good in bed, and you’re—you are a—uh—you know—stable employed adult.” – Jacob Palmer

20. “You know a word that is not used very often anymore? Cuckold. I’m cuckolded. David Lindhagen cuckolded me. He made a cuckold out of me. He slept with my wife, and I didn’t know about it! And that is the definition of cuckoldom. David Lindhagen took my wife and slept with her. Ack! Thought I did everything right. Got married, had kids, the house. What do I get for it? I get cuckolded? David Lindhagen cuckolded me, he made a cuckold out of me.” – Cal Weaver

Crazy, Stupid, Love Quotes to Add to Your Must-Reads

21. Cal Weaver: “Okay, you know what? I’m in Corporate Insurance. I have children, plural. And my wife was cheating on me with David Lindhagen, which I wasn’t supposed to tell you about either. But I did; nice to meet you.”

Kate Tafferty: “What were you supposed to tell me?”

Cal Weaver: “I do—I don’t know! I was supposed to say that you are the perfect combination of sexy and cute. Which is actually something that I used to say to my wife, but now it’s become corrupted, and I have 18 layers of clothes on. I’m wearing a shirt and a tie and a sweater, and a suede jacket that just seals in all the heat. Seals in all the juices. I’m just—it’s all sweat under here. This is just sweat from here down. I’m—this sweater, this is called slim cut, but it feels like a scuba suit, and I’m looking at your breasts. What’s that about?”

Kate Tafferty: “You think I’m the perfect combination of sexy and cute?”

Cal Weaver: “That’s what you picked up from what I just said?”

22. David Lindhagen: “So Robbie, I hear you’re quite the soccer player!”

Robbie Weaver: “So David, I hear you broke up my parents’ marriage. You are David Lindhaygen, right?”

David Lindhagen: “Lindhagen.”

Robbie Weaver: “Yeah. Here’s the thing, Lindhaygen—.”

David Lindhagen: “Hagen.”

Robbie Weaver: “Whatever. In the end, she winds up back with my dad. He’s the better guy than you are, in every category, and she still loves him. He’s not gonna give up on my mom, just like I’m not gonna stop Jessica’s text messages that make her feel uncomfortable.”

23. Jacob Palmer: “Cal, be better than the Gap. Be better than the Gap. Say it!”

Cal Weaver: “I’m better than the Gap!”

Jacob Palmer: “Come on!”

Cal Weaver: “God! Stop slapping me. Really.”

24. Kate Tafferty: “What do you want to do with me?!”

Cal Weaver: “I want to show you off to my ex-wife and make her really jealous!”

25. Hannah Weaver: “Do you remember me?”

Jacob Palmer: “Yeah.”

Hannah Weaver: “Do you still find me attractive?”

Jacob Palmer: “Yes.”

Hannah Weaver: “Do you still want to take me home?”

Jacob Palmer: “Yeah.”

Hannah Weaver: “Let’s go.”

Have You Ever Been in the Same Position as Cal?

Marriage is a sacred oath between two people to love each other through thick and thin. When you marry, you swear to be faithful and present. However, Cal and his wife, Emily, forgot these things.

Emily might have had her reasons for cheating, but it doesn’t change the fact that she was unfaithful to Cal. Remember to talk it out no matter what you’re going through as a family; cheating will never be the answer to your troubles.

On the flip side, Cal was living a boring and mundane life. He was satisfied with the family he built but stopped there. Cal became distant and seemed uninterested in making his married life more enjoyable; he wasn’t present.

This is the main reason behind Emily’s infidelity; she just wanted a way to shake things up, albeit her means were incorrect. Marriage is between two people; the only way to solve problems is for those two to talk and work on it together. Both sides had their faults in Crazy, Stupid, Love, but thanks to their mistakes, we gain insights we can use in our relationships, too.

Crazy, Stupid, Love is a unique romantic comedy that portrays love, marriage, and relationships in a new light. It’s a more realistic take on what truly happens after one swears for a happily ever after in marriage. With that, we hope this list made you love this classic movie even more!