This dad wallowed in his pain so much that he forgot his son was hurt by his mom’s betrayal, too. To make matters worse, he even abandoned him when he needed him most!
Two Out of Three
Three years before this story was posted, OP (Original Poster), a 38-year-old, discovered that one of his kids wasn’t biologically his. His eldest, 18-year-old Raphael, and his youngest, 13-year-old Sophia, were, but his middle child, 16-year-old Alexander, wasn’t.
Uncovering His Wife’s Secret
Everything became messy and chaotic for his family when he learned about this. He divorced his wife and left to move to another city because he needed time to heal.
An Absent Parent?
Because of this decision, OP wasn’t “physically involved” in his kids’ lives for two years. Still, he tried to make an effort by calling and talking to them daily.
Money Is Not Always the Best Solution
OP also paid child support for all three kids—even Alexander, who was not biologically his. However, although there was monetary support, OP was lacking in terms of emotional support.
He said, “I know I did a terrible thing, and maybe that’s why Alexander is mad at me and doesn’t want to see me.”
Singling Him Out
Whenever OP called Raphael and Sophia, he would skip out on calling Alexander. He reasoned that he felt “uncomfortable” talking to him.
It even got to the point where Alexander was so angry he grabbed the phone, crying, and said, “Don’t you love me, Dad? Why are they more important to you?”
It’s Different Now
OP was polite and tried to appease him, knowing that he was aware he was not his biological dad.
He said, “Honey, look, I love you, but I need some time to heal. I’m still your father, and I’ll be back soon.”
What a Coward!
At some point, OP started talking to Alexander again. However, he only did so through text messages because he didn’t feel “completely comfortable” doing FaceTime with him.
So, it wasn’t a surprise that when he moved back into the city the year this story was posted—with his new partner—to settle down, only Sophia and Raphael came to visit immediately. Alexander didn’t show up!
OP went to his ex-wife’s place to see what was going on. There, he talked to Alexander and apologized for how he treated him.
However, Alexander refused to come to his house and said that he only wanted out with him there, so they did that.
Widening the Gap
Alexander was so mad at OP that he refused to attend his wedding with his second wife. Then, when he found out she was pregnant, he told OP not to visit him again.
OP wrote, “Then I found that his mom was seeing Alexander’s biological father, so I thought that my son wanted a relationship with his biological dad instead.”
It hurt OP to know that Alexander wanted to get to know his biological dad more than to spend time with him. However, even if it hurt, he decided to respect his wishes, that is, until he found out that Alexander actually didn’t like his biological father.
He shared, “Raphael says that one day this guy was trying to spend time with him, but Alexander said, ‘Look dude, no hard feelings, but don’t try to force a fatherly role on me because you are not my dad, and I already have one.’”
Forcing His Opinions on Others
When he heard this, OP reached out to Alexander and decided to invite him to live with him again. After all, his two other kids lived with him 80% of the time, and he was the only one who refused to do so.
Then, when OP’s daughter was born, Alexander refused to visit. OP said he hadn’t come to see his half-sister, so he called him and said he’d cut off his college fund if he didn’t visit him.
Anger All Around
Understandably, this upset Alexander, so he told OP to “f*** off” and hung up. OP said he doesn’t see the point of paying a college fund for a child who “doesn’t even want to see him.”
Even so, OP’s mom thinks he’s being a jerk for threatening Alexander so abruptly and cruelly. So, now, OP asks, “Am I the a**hole?”
The Community’s Reactions
For Redditors, OP’s a parent, and he should have understood that Alexander needed time to heal like him.
A top commenter wrote, “You abandoned your son who no doubt took this news as hard or harder than you did. You turned your back on him. Now you want him to dance like a trained monkey playing to your whims so he can have a future. You’re the a**hole. A very selfish a**hole. Your poor, poor son.”
“OP is a raging a**hole who abandoned all his kids for two years. Who doesn’t see their kids for two years? Way to use money to manipulate the kid you didn’t want to pay homage to your new DNA creation. You’re a raging selfish a**hole,” said another user.
Why Are You Punishing Him?
Others pointed out that OP’s punishing his son for something that wasn’t even his fault. Both of them are the victims, and he shouldn’t put the blame on him.
A Redditor said, “It’s funny that OP is p***** off that his son doesn’t want to see him and thinks he deserves to be punished for that when he did the exact same thing and doesn’t deserve to be punished. With that kind of flexible gymnastics, he might be the first person that can actually go f*** himself!”
Then, another user pointed out, “And while he’s taking time to ‘heal,’ he miraculously finds another woman then impregnates and marries her. Yeah, I call bulls*** on OP. You do not abandon your kids because of this. OP, you’re the a**hole!”
What do you think of OP and what he did? Do you think Alexander deserves how he’s being treated?
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This post first appeared as He Learned His Son Wasn’t Biologically His, Abandoned Him for Two Years, Then Refused to Give Him His College Fund. He’s a “Jerk,” and the Boy Doesn’t Deserve This “Punishment!” on Quote Ambition.