This Redditor was put on the spot when his wife and stepson demanded he sacrifice his daughter’s college fund. He will never say yes, so where does it leave them?
Missing Father Figure?
OP (Original Poster) has an 18-year-old stepson. He knew about his biological father’s whereabouts, but he was “never involved” in his life.
Even so, OP’s stepson’s biological dad had always promised that he had a college fund.
However, as fate would have it, he suddenly changed his mind and kept the college fund he supposedly saved for OP’s stepson for his new child.
Unexpected Turn of Events
Because OP knew about his stepson’s dad’s promise of a college fund, he never saved up for him.
He said, “I always assumed his father was paying since his dad said he was.”
Stepson’s Entitled Demands
Then, when his stepson learned about what his biological dad did, he and OP’s wife immediately came to OP and demanded he split the money in his 17-year-old daughter’s account.
No Rights to the Money
However, apart from that being unfair to his daughter, he believed no one had the right to it.
He wrote, “I’ve refused because the money in there was a gift from my late wife’s parents.”
Crossing the Line
Instead of understanding the situation, OP’s wife and stepson are pressuring him to sell his daughter’s rings!
This is another thing OP just couldn’t do.
He explained, “The thing is, the ring was given from her mother when she was supposed to get married, but she didn’t live until then.”
Avoiding a Broken Heart
Should the rings ever get sold, OP knows it would “crush” his daughter’s heart. So, once again, he refused to follow their demands.
Because of this, OP’s stepson and wife are now saying he’s making decisions based on “favoritism.”
He’s starting to feel bad and is now questioning whether he was really acting like an “a**hole.”
The Community’s Reactions
For users, there isn’t even a question in this post. OP’s not the a**hole, and it also wasn’t up to him to split the college fund or sell his daughter’s rings.
The top commenter said, “Not the a**hole; you can’t give away something that was given to your daughter by your late wife’s parents. It’s her money. Nor should you be selling the rings. Again, not yours. Just because your current wife’s ex-husband is an a**hole, that doesn’t mean your daughter should suffer.”
They’re Just Shameless!
People then pointed out that the only jerks in the story would be OP’s second wife, his stepson, and his stepson’s dad.
A woman wrote, “The idea that your wife and son feel entitled to something that belongs to your daughter is horrendous. It’s not like you put the money in there. It is wrong to take from her because his father is a s*** bag. Co-sign for a loan if you’re that interested in helping your stepson. Hide the rings somewhere your wifey and son can’t get them, and remember you’re not the a**hole. Don’t let them guilt you into being a bad father.”
Some also want OP to act as soon as possible. He should hide his daughter’s rings before either his wife or stepson gets a hold of them.
“Not the a**hole; take the rings out of the house now! Too many posts where someone decided to sell behind the other’s back. Your job is to protect your daughter; that money was left to her, as were the rings. Help him take out a loan, support him in other ways, and reach out to his side of the family, but leave your daughter’s stuff alone,” said one Redditor.
The same user added, “Also, make sure your wife does not have access to your daughter’s account; again, people do s***** things. It should not matter to her unless she is trying to access it.”
Why Her and Not Him?
There were also those who questioned why OP’s daughter should be the one to make sacrifices.
A user pointed out, “Why does the daughter have to pay or sell something? Perhaps the son has something he can sell. Perhaps a skill he can perform in exchange for money. It is called a job. Get one, get two. I had three and went to college full-time. It wasn’t easy, and I didn’t get the ‘full college experience,’ but I got an education, and it led to a great work life. Here is a short list of jobs I did to earn money while in school: waitress, security guard, babysitter, model, cleaning service, library page. I even spent one summer exercising half-broke horses. I did anything not illegal to get that education. It all depends on how important it is to you.”
Favoritism or the Only Right Thing to Do?
All in all, Redditors supported OP’s decision and reassured him that he wasn’t doing anything wrong.
One woman said, “Not the a**hole. It’s not favoritism. Your stepson’s dad and his mom were responsible for saving for his college fund, and the dad told you he was saving for it! He now admits he has spent that money elsewhere to give it to his new child’s college fund instead. That’s the favoritism here.”
She added, “Your selfish second wife and stepson, and feckless father to stepson, are looking in the wrong place for blame. Your late wife’s family gave you money for your daughter’s college fund. That’s her money. Her college fund wasn’t saved to share—it was set aside for your daughter, while your stepson had his own college fund from his parents or at least his own dad. How dare they try to get you to sell your daughter’s inherited rings from her late mother to pay for your stepson’s college education? That’s disgusting. And it would be theft if they did. The rings legally belong to your daughter. The only favoritism going on here is that your stepson has a selfish father who favors his new family and is prepared to steal from his own son’s college fund for his new child. None of this is your daughter’s fault, nor yours.”
What would you tell OP’s stepson and wife? Do you think he should change his mind?
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This post first appeared as He Refused to Fund His Stepson’s Education by Giving Him Half of His Daughter’s College Fund and Selling His Late Wife’s Jewelry. Now He’s Labeled a Jerk for “Playing Favorites!” on Quote Ambition.