He and his wife saved a lot of money for their son to inherit, thinking he would take care of them once they got old. But to their surprise, he refused to do so!
A New Life in a New Country
OP (Original Poster), 56, and his wife, 54, are an Indian couple who came to America in search of a better life. He was only 22 years old when he first stepped onto American soil, and back then, they knew no one and had no jobs.
Fortunately, over the years, they managed to start their own small restaurant business, which they were able to make a living out of.
What Their Culture Dictates
A decade after they came to America, OP brought his son’s grandmother to live with them. The couple also made it a point to save as much as they could so they could give their son money by the time he turned 25.
OP added, “In our culture, you give your child money when they are young and starting out because they will take care of you when you are old so they can buy a bigger house, etc.”
The Same Culture He Grew up In
Their son has known their culture his whole life. As a matter of fact, his son’s grandmother has lived with them his entire life and still lives with them at 81.
So, OP could confidently say that his son was no stranger to this kind of responsibility.
His Son’s Marriage
As a bit of a background, OP also shared that his son, who was now 23, married a lovely woman in December the year this story was posted. It was such a beautiful and perfect wedding.
OP added, “She is a White American. I am not adding that because I believe she is racist, but it will explain some cultural differences.”
What They Intend to Do
A few months after the wedding, in March, all five of them—OP, his wife, his son, his son’s wife, and his son’s grandmother—-were having dinner. That’s when his son’s wife said they would start looking at houses after the pandemic.
A Joke She Took Too Seriously
OP’s wife then jokingly mentioned a bedroom on the first floor so they could live with them. But OP wanted to make it clear in his post that they weren’t planning to live with their son and his wife for another 10-plus years, or at least until they retired.
He wrote, “My daughter-in-law looked shocked. She asked why we couldn’t just use the guest room if we wanted to spend the night. My son then tells me that she isn’t used to our culture and that they would prefer to live with the family they make.”
Rethinking Their Future Plans
In all honesty, OP and his wife didn’t know what to say. After all, their son gave them the impression that he was okay with them living with him when they got older; he would even show his parents guest homes and the like from magazines.
Currently, they have $800,000 saved to give their son; still, it is not a huge amount that could support 3 people, especially the elderly. After OP’s son and daughter-in-law left, OP and his wife discussed their options and decided that their best choice would be to speak with their bank and use their money for retirement.
Not a Cent for Their Son!
Their son knew about the money but didn’t know how much it would be. When OP informed his son and daughter-in-law about the new plan, his son got mad at him, saying that he had planned to use some of his inheritance for a downpayment on a house.
OP wrote, “This is our only money for retirement. It was supposed to go to him because he was supposed to take care of us. We have to take care of ourselves now and don’t feel like we owe him the money.”
Parents and Family or Just Guests?
During their conversation, OP’s son and daughter-in-law made it clear that they don’t want OP, his mom, and his grandma to live with them. OP’s daughter-in-law said she would constantly feel like they were having guests over.
She added that it was not because she didn’t love her parents-in-law and reasoned that she wouldn’t want her mother to live with them, either.
Left to Fend For Themselves
OP clarified that since he and his wife are business owners, they take deductions that affect their social security benefits, so they will not get much. But OP and his wife are healthy, so they can work until they’re in their 70s or 80s.
A Well-Informed Son
His son knew that he would receive a considerable amount of money to help push him to success so that he would have an easier life to facilitate his parents’ care; they have even already used some of the money to pay for their son’s college. However, everything’s changed, given his and his wife’s decision.
OP noted, “My two brothers live in Canada with their wives and children and are doing the same thing. My brothers and their wives have also been saving with the same intent. All of the children know this. This has even been discussed between our children before—about the money—and best ways for success.”
Was He a Bad Son?
Frustrated, OP’s son called his cousin in Canada to vent about the situation, and it backfired.
His cousin told him he was a “disgrace” and that she couldn’t believe that “he would put his parents on the street.”
His Niece’s Thoughtful Offer
Afterward, the same cousin his son talked to called OP and told him they could come and live with her and her husband, saying it would be an honor and they could still keep their money.
Even though OP found her offer very kind, he and his wife don’t think they can be that far from their son. OP noted, “She is my brother’s second child, and her husband is the fourth child in his family, which means no elders were going to live with them.”
Getting Out of Hand
Then, after a while, OP’s daughter-in-law called them, crying and saying she didn’t mean to be disrespectful. OP explained that this wasn’t what they wanted, which is why he and his wife tried to handle everything themselves without involving everyone.
OP added, “Our family in Canada is threatening to not speak to our son.”
Redditors’ Reactions
Redditors said that OP and his wife are not jerks for not giving the money to their son. After all, since they were going to take care of themselves, they needed it more.
One Redditor said, “Not the a**hole. Expectations change, and that’s fine. If he’s not going to take care of you, you need the money to take care of yourself. That’s really all there is to it.”
He Knew What the Money Was For
People also argued that OP’s son knew he was receiving the inheritance for a reason, and it wasn’t something meant solely for him. So, he should’ve expected his parents’ minds to change once he said he wouldn’t care for them.
A Redditor wrote, “Not the a**hole. Your son has been well aware of what that money was for his entire life. He chose not to tell his wife anything about it and chose not to volunteer the information to you that it wouldn’t be happening. You only found out because of a fluke in a random conversation. Why on earth would he think for even a minute that he would still get money to take care of you when he had no intention of actually taking care of you?”
The same person added, “At this point, even if he said he changed his mind, I wouldn’t give him a penny without getting something drawn up by an attorney and signed by all of you stating what you expect in exchange for the money.”
She Should’ve Known Beforehand
Other people said that OP’s son should’ve told his wife about their cultural differences and his family’s expectations before they tied the knot. Then, things would’ve been different.
“Definitely not the a**hole. However, a discussion about that well before they got married might have changed the outcome. Your son knows about your culture, and his wife probably should have been informed and consulted. She may not have said no. It’s just a shock when it’s brought up, and you’re the only one who didn’t know about it,” a commenter wrote.
Do you think OP and his wife were wrong? What would you do if you were in their situation?
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This post first appeared as He Refused to Give His Son His $800,000 Inheritance After Learning He’d Abandon Them When They Got Older. Now Relatives Are Furious, Saying His Son’s a “Disgrace!” Was He Wrong? on Quote Ambition.
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