This man thought his relationship with his future in-laws was going well, so he was at a loss when he found out his future mother-in-law abhorred her daughter marrying him!
OP (Original Poster) and his fiancé had been together for around three years. They’ve been engaged for a little under a year.
Asking For Her Hand
OP shared that he asked his fiancé’s dad for her hand in marriage before proposing. He said he raised some valid concerns, like if OP would be able to support his daughter while working as a teacher.
However, in general, OP’s future father-in-law approved of the marriage.
Getting to Know More About Her Family
After getting his future father-in-law’s approval, OP made it his mission to get to know his partner’s family. So for a year, he went all out!
He said, “I try to get to know my fiancé’s family better by doing things like inviting them to dinner, giving gifts for their other children’s birthdays, and eventually, I get to know most of the family.”
Everyone but One
OP shared that he got to build a bond with his fiancé’s two young sisters and her brother in high school, too. However, he could not say the same about his relationship with his future mother-in-law.
He shared that she seemed to be avoiding him at all costs.
Nervous or Intimidated?
OP said he was a large, Black guy in a predominantly White neighborhood. So, he thought that maybe, his future mother-in-law was just nervous or intimidated by his presence.
However, he soon found out it was not the case!
You’re Making a Mistake!
Many days have passed by, and they are getting closer and closer to the big day. One day, his future mother-in-law told her daughter that she was “making the worst mistake of her life” by marrying him.
She even gave her an ultimatum and told her she would not attend the wedding if she followed through with it!
He Doesn’t Know What to Feel
OP is confused. After all, all this time, he thought he had a good relationship with his future in-laws.
The Real Reason
Later, they discover the real reason behind his future mother-in-law’s outburst.
He shared, “We later find out through the grandma that the reason the mother is so opposed to the marriage is because I am Black, and she believes Black fathers are unreliable partners.”
How Do We Proceed?
The revelation has taken a toll on OP and his fiancé. He doesn’t know how to respond, and the issue is already eating at them.
At a Loss
He’s at a loss. OP doesn’t want to burn any bridges with his fiancé’s family.
However, at the same time, he doesn’t see a path that would end well for them.
For Redditors, OP had done enough in consideration to his future mother-in-law.
A top commenter said, “There is nothing for you to do. You have invited her, and she can decide for herself whether to attend or not. She’s the one who will look like a fool if she doesn’t show.”
She’s the One Who Needs to Change
The community also tried to comfort OP and said that his future mother-in-law needs to reflect on things and be more open-minded.
“You can’t change her mind or talk her into liking you when she’s basing her dislike on something so ignorant. She won’t change unless she wants to change, and it may take missing out on such an important event in her daughter’s life to open her eyes,” said one user.
Just Be Clear About Things
A Redditor also pointed out that the best thing OP could do to salvage his relationships with his future wife’s family is to be open and transparent that they would want his future mother-in-law to be there, but it’s up to her to decide whether she would go or not.
A user shared, “If she refuses to attend, that’s on her. I think the best thing you can do for both your fiancé, yourself, and the relationship with your future in-laws is to be very clear that you both want her there and what an important day it is going to be for you both.”
What advice would you give OP? Should he still push through with the wedding?
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This post first appeared as His Racist Mother-In-Law-To-Be Refused to Attend Their Wedding Because Her Daughter Was Marrying a Black Man. She Told Her She’s “Making the Worst Mistake of Her Life!” on Quote Ambition.