This user was stunned when his wife waylaid him with plans to quit her high-paying job so that she could instead stay home all day and indulge in expensive hobbies. What should he do?
A Perfect Life
OP (Original Poster) is a 32-year-old man who has been married to his 30-year-old wife for five years and together with her for nine. They attended the same university where she was a computer science major, and he was into data.
They’re a child-free couple, and they agreed to split the chores and finances evenly since they both earn roughly the same.
All Work and No Play
His wife now works as an engineer, where she has to do a lot of coding, which can be “stressful.” OP has seen her “get lost by herself” when she’s trying to figure out what went “wrong with her code” and ultimately being unable to solve it.
Her job often entails having to work long hours, and she also has to go into the office three days a week.
Sudden Change in Lifestyle
Recently, his wife “suddenly announced” that she intended to quit her job and transition into a “softer feminine lifestyle.”
OP didn’t understand what she meant initially and asked her to clarify.
Leaving Money on the Table
So, OP’s wife explained that she wanted to set up a freelancer account that “aligns with her field” but is more straightforward in scope. He quickly realized that her income would be “slashed to a tenth” of what she currently earns.
She wanted to avoid taking on too many assignments, and OP felt he was detecting “antiwork vibes” from the “soft life trend” she described.
Over It All
His wife continued explaining that she felt “burnt out” and didn’t want to be a part of the “hustle culture” any longer. Instead, she wanted to “enjoy the finer things in life.”
She added that she’d never had “even a moment” to stop and think about “relishing” such things, and she no longer wanted to spend her life in “misery.”
Going Down the Rabbit Hole
It seemed she had been watching a “lot of TikToks” lately. Still, he’d never thought much anything of it.
He said his wife was now suddenly into “getting massages and nails done, doing a 10-step skincare routine day and night, exploring different home scents, exploring color theory to change her wardrobe, investing in wine tasting, baking and knitting, and a host of low effort yet luxurious tastes.”
Returning to Traditional Gender Roles
OP couldn’t believe that his wife was being so “delusional.” He was stunned at her explanation of how she wanted to “be the one taken care of” and how he, as a “provider, should take on the masculine role.”
His wife was also “okay with downgrading” their lifestyle and spending “more time with the chores” and deep cleaning since she found it “therapeutic.”
Not What You Said
They currently live in an “upscale apartment in the city.” But as OP’s wife continued laying out her plan, he discovered that her idea of a “downgrade” was to move to an “equally plush suburban home.”
She explained that since OP worked remotely, he would be okay with their change in residence.
Hold Your Horses
However, OP was not “okay with being the sole financial provider” and didn’t want to move places. He was also against changing their current lifestyle.
Talk to a Professional
OP brought up that maybe she should attend therapy, only to be told that she had already “secretly attended some online sessions.” She hadn’t involved him because she wanted to make a judgment without being influenced by him.
Dagger in the Back
Now, OP feels like he’s been “betrayed” by his wife. He doesn’t understand how she could decide not to include him in the decision-making process of something that’d be a “massive change” to the life they’d built together.
Unequivocal No
He “sternly” told his wife that he didn’t support this plan “under any circumstance.” OP felt she could easily find a job that wasn’t so stressful without uprooting their whole life.
He also told her she needed to “figure herself out” and that “TikTok isn’t reality.”
What the Community Has to Say
Redditors were on OP’s side and agreed it wasn’t fair to him for his wife to assume she could quit her job and have him fully support her while she contributed nothing.
One user said, “Big yikes. I understand the desire for an easier life, but I will never comprehend how some people feel entitled to live an easier life at the expense of their nearest and dearest. I just don’t get it at all. In my opinion, if we’re in the same boat, we’re all rowing together. To answer your question, I don’t know how you work through this. I would, however, take steps—like maybe talk to a lawyer—about protecting yourself should she quit and then ask for spousal support. Not to go straight to a worst-case scenario, but better to be safe than sorry. Good luck to you. Not the a**hole.”
“I agree that she’s the a**hole, but burnout is real. It can take a few months to a few years to recover. But in the meantime, bills still need to be paid. Groceries still need to be bought. Putting all the stress on your partner is a great way to ensure they burn out, too. It would be so super cool if we lived in a society that let us prioritize our mental and physical health while still being able to feed and house ourselves, but we don’t,” added another Redditor.
Preparing for the Worst
Many in the community also advised OP on how to protect himself in case things turned sour.
One Redditor said, “OP, please get a separate bank account from her that she doesn’t have access to, so you can start saving up just in case, in addition to the lawyer.”
Another user commented, “If she goes through with it and it won’t work out, file for divorce as soon as possible—especially if she starts saying anything about liquidating her retirement account. If you start the process early, then you may be able to base everything on her working income and original retirement and keep your actual half of the finances instead of half of what remains after she wasted half of it. I wasted years trying to work things out with my ex when it was not ever going to work out. All it did was cost me $100,000 in additional household value.”
Do you think OP was right not to want to change their lifestyle and suddenly have to be the sole provider? Or should his wife be able to quit her job and be cared for by him?
More From Quote Ambition
This Redditor turned to the community for advice after being called out for being a horrible woman for not wanting to raise a baby born from her ex-husband’s affair. Was she wrong to refuse?
An Entitled Woman Refused to Vacate His Assigned Seat on a Five-Hour Flight. So, He Kicked and Yanked the Chair Every Two Minutes, Ensuring There’s “Extra Turbulence” All Flight Long!
He got annoyed when a woman wouldn’t budge and get off his assigned plane seat, saying she was “already comfortable.” So, he devised a plan to make sure she’d regret every second of it!
She Left Her Cousin’s Wedding and Took Her $1,000 Gift Back After the Groom’s Family Ruined Her Dress for Being “Inappropriate.” They Want the Money Back, but It’s Too Late
OP (Original Poster) was stoked to attend her favorite cousin’s wedding. However, little did she know it would become one of the worst experiences of her life yet!
A Woman Noticed Their Security Cameras Glitched Only When Her Husband Was Home Alone. He Flipped Out After Being Confronted, but She Wants to Get to the Bottom of Things!
This Redditor’s home security cameras kept on glitching whenever her husband was home alone. Suspicious of what was causing this, she asked her husband, but instead of remaining calm, he got defensive!
He Begged His Neighbors to Extinguish Their Fire So His Dying Dog Could Spend One Last Day Outdoors, but They Showed No Sympathy. So, He Ensured They Learned Their Lesson!
He only wanted to give his dog a day in his backyard before putting her down. However, things didn’t go as planned when his neighbors decided to light a fire so close to them!
This post first appeared as He Refused to Let His Wife Become “Lazy” and Quit Her High-Paying Job, Just to Live Out TikTok’s “Soft Life.” It’s “Not Reality,” and She Needs to “Figure Herself Out!” on Quote Ambition.
Read Next:
- He Refused to Charge His Son Rent and Make Him His “Source of Income.” His Child Will Always Come Before His Wife, and Now She’s Livid, Calling Him a “Jerk!”
- She Refused to Give Her Aunts the Apartment She Inherited From Her Late Mom After They Insisted She Relinquished Ownership in Their Favor and Just Rented Instead. Was She a Jerk?
- His Uncle Refused to Help Him When He Was on the Verge of Homelessness. Now He’s Asking Him to Pay For His Wife’s Surgery Using the Inheritance His Mom Left Him for College, but He Doesn’t Want To