Though dads aren’t the ones who carry their children for nine months, they are expected to be 100% supportive of their partners. So, for this soon-to-be mom, her husband was being too selfish!
Soon-To-Be First-Time Parents
OP (Original Poster) and her husband are expecting, and this would be their first baby. They are both very excited for their bundle of joy to arrive!
Doing Things Alone
However, for OP, it was sad that her husband “barely attends” any doctor appointments with her. What makes it even more disheartening is that his “excuses aren’t even valid.”
OP shared that, for example, her husband would miss the appointment “over soccer or a drink or a board game with friends.
Whenever she confronted him, he said, “I’m not the one carrying the baby. Why do I have to go see the doctor with you?”
The Last Straw
The week before this story was posted, OP’s husband was supposed to go with her to the doctor because the doctor would reveal their baby’s gender. However, her husband chose not to come at the last minute “because his friend invited him to a fish and chips meal.”
It was understandable that OP was upset—livid, even. However, she didn’t fuss about it and asked her mom to come with her instead.
What’s the Gender?
When the appointment was over, OP’s husband texted her and asked her to tell him about the results, but OP refused to do so. After that, her husband kept calling her, but she hung up each time!
When he got home, he was fuming. He was adamant OP shared the results with him, but she refused once again.
You’ve Got to Wait
OP was furious at her husband and refused to give in. So, even if he repeatedly asked her to tell him the gender, she wouldn’t budge.
She said, “I refused and bluntly told him, since he refused to attend the appointment, then he gets no results until after the baby’s born and said I was willing to die on this hill.”
Are You Punishing Him?
Upon hearing what his wife said, OP’s husband accused her of being “spiteful” and “immature.” He also said that what she was doing was “punishing him.”
I Have a Right to Know!
OP’s husband said he had a right to know because he’s the baby’s father. He then told OP she was “being dramatic” about things; she wasn’t even alone during the appointment as her mom accompanied her.
She wrote, “I said he gets no results, period.”
Pressure From One Side of the Family
Her husband was fuming mad and even told his family about what happened. So, now, her in-laws are pressuring OP to “stop playing mind games” with her husband.
However, OP remained firm and still declined to do what her husband wanted her to do.
Going Behind Her Back
In an edit, OP mentioned that she discovered her husband tried to go behind her back.
She said, “My husband just attempted to contact my doctor to get the results. It didn’t go well, and we had another argument over it.” He also couldn’t get his hands on the results since it was OP’s mother-in-law who made the call.
What Redditors Have to Say
The community couldn’t believe how irresponsible and selfish OP’s husband was.
“Not the a**hole. Already a deadbeat dad before the baby is even born,” wrote a top commenter. Another said, “Good. Let him. Better to get his honest self out in the open right now. Better to know he’s a deadbeat now after a decade of a miserable marriage. How he handles this really easy stuff right now is an excellent forewarning for how he’ll be after the baby is born. This is only a bump in the road. She needs to know how his emotional suspension will handle before they get utterly totaled down the line.”
If I Were His Friend
Some Redditors also said that if they were OP’s husband’s friend and found out that he ditched his wife over a meal, they’d unfriend him in a heartbeat!
One said, “I would drop a friend if I found out they prioritized fish and chips over their wife and baby’s doctor appointment.” Another person wrote, “Same. I can’t imagine inviting someone over to my house for a meal, saying, ‘Hey, where’s the wife?’ and being okay with the answer, ‘Oh, she is at a baby scan by herself.’ That person would not be my friend any longer.”
We Agree With You
Redditors told OP she was right to make her husband “sweat a little!”
“He probably wants to know the s** to brag to his friends. I agree with OP. Let him sweat some. He can’t be too excited since he said he ‘doesn’t’ feel like he needs to go with her ’cause he’s not pregnant. Most guys would want to go with their pregnant wives to doctor appointments. This guy’s an a**hole,” shared one commenter.
What would you tell OP’s husband? Would you be okay with his actions if you were his friend?
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This post first appeared as Her Husband Repeatedly Refused to Accompany Her to Her Doctor Appointments Because “He’s Not the One Carrying the Baby.” She’s Had Enough, so She Kept the Baby’s Gender a Secret! on Quote Ambition.