Whether you need a laugh or a heartwarming story about fatherhood, these Big Daddy quotes are indeed for you.
Big Daddy is a 1999 American comedy movie starring Adam Sandler. It tells the story of Sonny Koufax, a lazy and ambitionless 32-year-old who decided to adopt a kid to impress a girl who dumped him. Despite the protagonist’s parenting skills looking like a total disaster, he showed growth and maturity in the process of loving and taking care of his adopted kid.
Indeed, Big Daddy will always fill our hearts with its heartwarming and touching scenes. That’s why we are confident that Big Daddy’s quotes will not only serve you the funniest lines but will also make you realize things about growth and being a parent.
So, what are you waiting for? Make sure you read through to the end of this list we’ve created for you!
Start reading here.
And don’t forget to check out these The Waterboy quotes and Billy Madison quotes.
Best Big Daddy Quotes
1. “You can be scared that I might get pickpocketed in a bad neighborhood or break my legs skiing. But don’t be scared about me being a dad because I will not fail.” – Sonny Koufax
2. “Considering we’re in America, I mean, if you don’t like spaghetti and meatballs, why don’t you get the hell out.” – Homeless Man
3. “I know this is the right thing because I would die for this kid just so he won’t feel one ounce of sadness. That’s why you’re here right now, to protect me, to be scared for me to be a good father. And that’s exactly what I’m gonna be.” – Sonny Koufax
4. “Everyone’s so busy with their crap lately, no one ever comes.” – Sonny Koufax
5. “Rumplestilskin’s a good man, so are you guys. Hey, stay clean, stay focused, stay strong. Frankenstein, have fun with your friends.” – Sonny Koufax
6. “Don’t worry. He can’t hold you down forever.” – Sonny Koufax
7. “I love this kid too much. I love him as much as you love me, Dad. I’m gonna give him advice, and I’m gonna guide him, and I’ll be there whenever he needs me. I’ll fly to New York to be at his court case even if I disagree with why he’s there.” – Sonny Koufax
8. “This is bullshit. Should be the same rules for everyone no matter what age!” – Nazo
9. “Just give that kid back right now before you ruin both your lives.” – Lenny Koufax
Big Daddy Quotes That Will Give You the Feels
10. “You don’t want me here anymore?” – Julian McGrath
11. “So two guys you were best friends with in law school fell in love with each other?” – Layla Maloney
12. Sonny Koufax: “I kind of adopted a kid.”
Lenny Koufax: “What the hell are you talking about?”
Sonny Koufax: “I’m talking about you becoming a grandfather! Congratulations!”
Lenny Koufax: “And who the hell would give you a kid?”
Sonny Koufax: “Social Services.”
Lenny Koufax: “You idiot, you better give that kid back.”
13. “Hey, congratulations. You and Big Boobs Magee are going to be very happy together.” – Sonny Koufax
14. “Sonny was real nice to the kid. Wish my father was like him. My father was a military man. Guess I wasn’t such a good soldier. Anyways, when I was 35, he tried to give me a crew cut while I was asleep. I woke up, broke his arm, haven’t seen him since. I’d rather live in a dumpster than under his freaky ass rules!” – Homeless Man
15. Sonny Koufax: “I’ll be a better father than you.”
Lenny Koufax: “That’s impossible. All you ever care about is yourself.”
16. Sonny Koufax: “You’re mad at your dad, not me. I forgive you.”
Angry Guy: “I am. I hate my father.”
17. Julian McGrath: “How long am I going away for?”
Sonny Koufax: “I don’t want to lie to you. I don’t think we’ll be seeing each other anymore. I screwed up. I’m so sorry. Come here, put your coat on. This is not your fault, okay? I’m the idiot.”
Also read: Happy Gilmore Quotes, 50 First Dates Quotes
Hilarious Big Daddy Quotes That Every Father Can Relate To
18. “I had a mother all lined up for Julian, but she’s bangin’ the Pepperidge Farm guy, and this kid is always around! He won’t stop peeing and throwing up. He’s like a cocker spaniel.” – Sonny Koufax
19. Phil D’Amato: “Sonny, remember that time you went with me to the pet store to get fish food, and you saw that cute little puppy, and you wanted to get it, but then I reminded you about feeding it and cleaning it and toilet-training it?”
Sonny Koufax: “Yeah.”
Phil D’Amato: “Well, this is kinda like that, except with a human!”
20. “What, you want a father figure? Stop pulling your sister’s hair.” – Sonny Koufax
21. “Having a kid is great as long as his eyes are closed and he’s not moving or speaking.” – Sonny Koufax
22. “Let me have that. Go to your room. I guess. Or go do whatever you want.” – Sonny Koufax
23. Sonny Koufax: “What do you eat?”
Julian McGrath: “Food.”
Sonny Koufax: “Oh yeah? Well, I eat food too.”
24. Sonny Koufax: “Julian, what do you want?”
Julian McGrath: “Thirty packets of ketchup.”
25. “My God, that’s a shit load of piss.” – Sonny Koufax
Funny Big Daddy Quotes
26. “Well, my mom says that sodas rot your teeth, but you’re gonna lose them teeth anyway, so rot on, right?” – Sonny Koufax
27. “Hey, you stay away from the frozen food section. Your boobs will harden.” – Sonny Koufax
28. Vanessa: “He has a five-year plan.”
Sonny Koufax: “What is it? Don’t die?”
29. “I drink a milkshake, and my ass jiggles for like a week.” – Sonny Koufax
30. Sonny Koufax: “Don’t worry about me making money. I’m in love with a woman who makes plenty of it. She could be my sugar mama.”
Homeless Man: “I gotta get me one of those.”
31. “They’re still our brothers. Our very gay brothers.” – Sonny Koufax
32. Ted Castellucci: “Objection, Your Honor! The court is interested in the truth, not the opinion of the defendant’s father.”
Lenny Koufax: “You want my opinion? My son is a moron.”
Ted Castellucci: “I withdraw my objection. Please proceed!”
33. “Hey, Lucian! Look at that guy! He was a very nice boy like you, but his dad messed his mind up!” – Sonny Koufax
34. “Hey! You just made the biggest mistake of your life, baby. I know you’re gonna be missing me when you have that big, white, wrinkly body on you with his loose skin and old balls. Gross! Ugh!” – Sonny Koufax
35. Julian McGrath: “I wipe my own ass.”
Nazo: “Me too.”
36. “I deliver food for six years. Plus, I’m a stripper. But I’ve gained weight, so that’s a problem.” – Nazo
37. “Did she say we were doing laundry? Because where I come from, it’s called ‘doing the hibbidy-dibbidy.'” – Sonny Koufax
38. “I’ve had some smelly ones before, but your son is by far the smelliest.” – Ms. Foote
39. Tommy Grayton: “In your experience, was Sonny a good father to Julian?”
Nazo: “Oh, yes. They make terrific a pair. They went together like lamb and tuna fish.”
40. “I’m cleaning because you’re useless.” – Corrine Maloney
Also read: Funny Quotes
More Big Daddy Quotes for Adam Sandler Fans
41. “What’s the big deal? They’re the same guys. They just watch a different kind of porno now.” – Sonny Koufax
42. “My friends make fun of me all the time too. I’ve seen them, like, 25 times. Tommy Shaw, when I was, like, 16 years old, I was at the concert. He actually reached out and grabbed my hand, pulled me up on stage, and I got to do the robot voice for Mr. Roboto!” – Sonny Koufax
43. “I’m going through a rough patch in my life right now. Syracuse is zero and three. I got those medical problems.” – Sonny Koufax
44. “How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? That’s what I thought. Shut up.” – Sonny Koufax
45. “Hi, Julian! I’m Scuba Sam, Scuba Steve’s father. You know, my son needs to take a bath, but he’s afraid to bathe alone. So, I was wondering if you’d accompany him in the tub. Great, and after your bath, you need to study hard because if you want to be in the Scuba Squad, you have to be smart.” – Sonny Koufax
46. “Dented cans are half-price. Microsoft went down three points. We gotta save some money.” – Sonny Koufax
47. Sonny Koufax: “Get cleaned up, and we’ll go to Barney’s.”
Julian McGrath: “Barney?”
Sonny Koufax: “Not that Barney, a different Barney. A much more expensive Barney.”
48. “Hey! You two wanna get married? I support that. Leave me alone.” – Sonny Koufax
49. “I’m working on a big case. I’m gonna sue you assholes for making me come down here.” – Sonny Koufax
50. “First of all, that cab was huge. And a jury decided that one night of pain was worth $200,000, so there you go.” – Sonny Koufax
Did These Big Daddy Quotes Prove to You How Much Love and Fatherhood Can Change You?
Sonny Koufax started as someone who didn’t have the drive to make anything out of himself and his life. But, when he met Julian, we witnessed how his life was suddenly given direction and purpose.
Even with the comedy-packed lines, our hearts were still touched by the little father-and-son scenes of Sonny and Julian in the movie. After all, loving someone or something is incredibly life-changing.
Not everyone has gone through parenthood. But, we’re sure you’ve definitely come across something that changed the way you view life.
We hope that these Big Daddy quotes were able to brighten your day. Remember that it is never too late to change your future and meet someone you love.
Which Big Daddy quote is your favorite? Have you watched the movie? Comment your answers below!