We all need a good laugh to get through our day, and this list of funny quotes will surely get you on your feet, clutching your belly with laughter!
They say that laughter is the best medicine. This is especially true when you’re feeling down and unmotivated.
So, if you know anyone who’s struggling and needs comfort, make sure you do your part as their friend or family member and send them some funny quotes and texts that will make their day a tad brighter!
It may be difficult to suddenly think of funny lines to send to your loved ones. So, if you or anybody you know needs some hilarious lines, then this list is perfect for you!
Check out the complete list below.
And make sure to read these smile quotes and encouraging quotes.
Best Funny Quotes
1. “I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.” – Anonymous
2. “Sometimes, you lie in bed at night and you don’t have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me!” – Charlie Brown
3. “Trying is the first step toward failure.” – The Simpsons
4. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ It is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” – Erma Bombeck
5. “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” – Cathy Guisewite
6. “Never follow anyone else’s path—unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then, by all means, follow that path.” – Ellen DeGeneres
7. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” – Robin Williams
8. “Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.” – Anonymous
9. “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” – Lucille Ball
10. “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.” – Joan Rivers
11. “I remember it like it was yesterday. Of course, I don’t really remember yesterday all that well.” – Finding Dory
12. “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.” – Alan Dundes
13. “Age is something that doesn’t matter unless you are a cheese.” – Luis Buñuel
14. “There is one word that describes people that don’t like me: irrelevant.” – Anonymous
15. “My advice to you is get married—if you find a good wife, you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates
Famous Funny Quotes
16. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” – Will Ferrell
17. “I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical.” – Arthur C. Clarke
18. “Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.” – Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear
19. “I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.” – Jimmy Kimmel
20. “I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.” – Bob Hope
21. “The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” – Albert Einstein
22. “To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!” – A Fish Called Wanda
23. “There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like. Avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.” – Downton Abbey
24. “I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.” – Sex and the City
25. “War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.” – Ambrose Pierce
Also read: Famous Quotes
Short Funny Quotes to Make You Laugh Out Loud
26. “Woke up today. It was terrible.” – Grumpy Cat
27. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” – Steve Martin
28. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” – The Office
29. “The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.” – Steel Magnolias
30. “When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick.” – George Burns
31. “I am only human, although I regret it.” – Mark Twain
32. “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.” – Les Dawson
33. “If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.” – Ace Ventura
34. “Never do anything out of hunger. Not even eating.” – True Detective
35. “Life is hard. After all, it kills you.” – Katharine Hepburn
Also read: Short Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes
Amusing Funny Quotes to Make Light of Life’s Hard Times
36. “My mother always used to say, ‘The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.’” – Betty White
37. “When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two and a half days of your life.” – Richard Lewis
38. “Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.” – Helen Rowland
39. “Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.” – Oscar Wilde
40. “As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” – Sir Norman Wisdom
41. “A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.” – Graham Norton
42. “Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.” – Dorothy Parker
43. “I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” – Zach Galifianakis
44. “I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.” – Anonymous
45. “I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade, and try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” – Ron White
Funny Quotes to Remind You of Your Family Matters
46. “Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.” – Arsenic and Old Lace
47. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”
48. “Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.” – Jon Stewart
49. “As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.” – Buddy Hackett
50. “Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.” – Sam Levenson
51. “Being a mom means never buying the right amount of produce. Either everyone suddenly loves grapes and a week’s worth are eaten in one afternoon, or fruit flies are congregating around my rotting bananas.” – Lessons from the Minivan
52. “Good parenting means investing in your child’s future, which is why I am saving to buy mine a hoverboard someday.” – Lin-Manuel Miranda
53. “I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend 10 years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.” – Damien Fahey
54. “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” – George Burns
55. “Cleaning up with children around is like shoveling during a blizzard.” – Margaret Culkin Banning
Interesting and Funny Quotes for Work
56. “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” – Mitch Hedberg
57. “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” – Charles Lamb
58. “Here’s some advice: at a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110%. Unless the job is a statistician.” – Adam Gropman
59. “My therapist says I’m afraid of success. I guess I could understand that, because after all, fulfilling my potential would really cut into my sitting around time.” – Maria Bamford
60. “I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.” – Woody Allen
Funny Quotes for Your Next Gathering
61. “One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.” – George Carlin
62. “I’m not good at giving advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” – Friends
63. “Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?” – Bridesmaids
64. “If you want to look thin, hang out with fat people.” – Back to School
65. “I drink to make other people more interesting.” – Ernest Hemingway
66. “When I’m in social situations, I always hold onto my glass. It makes me feel comfortable and secure and I don’t have to shake hands.” – Curb Your Enthusiasm
67. “Why yes, I can carry on a conversation made up entirely of movie quotes.” – Anonymous
68. “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” – Noel Coward
69. “If someone else is paying for it, food just tastes a lot better.” – Gilbert Gottfried
70. “Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.” – Benjamin Franklin
Funny Quotes That Will Make Your Day Brighter
71. “Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop.” – Gertrude Stein
72. “There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.” – Mindy Kaling
73. “I’m one stomach flu away from my goal weight.” – The Devil Wears Prada
74. “The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” – Bill Waterson
75. “Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.” – Miles Kington
Extremely Funny Quotes for Anyone Who Needs an Energy Boost
76. “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” – Ellen DeGeneres
77. “The word ‘abbreviation’ sure is long for what it means.” – Zach Galifianakis
78. “My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.” – Bossypants
79. “It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate.” – Dave Barry
80. “My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.” – Caroline Rhea
81. “A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.” – Don Marquis
82. “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” – Bob Hope
83. “Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.” – David Letterman
84. “All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” – Alexander Woollcott
85. “Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.” – Will Rogers
Funny Quotes to Fill Your Day With Positivity
86. “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” – Jack Handey
87. “I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.” – Groucho Marx
88. “Eggs are fantastic for a fitness diet. If you don’t like the taste, just add cocoa, flour, sugar, butter, baking powder and cook at 350 for 30 minutes.” – Anonymous
89. “I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
90. “Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man—there’s your diamond in the rough.” – Larry David
Funny Quotes for Men and Women
91. “My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.” – Crimes and Misdemeanors
92. “Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.” – David Letterman
93. “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” – Rodney Dangerfield
94. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner
95. “Here’s all you have to know about men and women—women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.” – George Carlin
96. “Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.” – Jerry Seinfeld
97. “Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.” – François de La Rochefoucauld
98. “Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.” – Bill Maher
99. “Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?” – H.L. Menken
100. “A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor
More Funny Quotes to Make You Giggle
101. “By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” – George Burns
102. “You can’t believe everything you hear—but you can repeat it.” – Anonymous
103. “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” – Phyllis Diller
104. “Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.” – Doug Larson
105. “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” – Anonymous
106. “Everyone with telekinetic powers, raise my hand.” – Emo Philips
107. “When in doubt, look intelligent.” – Garrison Keillor
108. “It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.” – Navjot Singh Sidhu
109. “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey
110. “Men cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter.” – James A. Garfield
Did the Quotes in This Collection Bring About Some Sunshine to Your Day?
We’re constantly bombarded with negative news from social media, our friends, and our families during these difficult times. That’s why laughter is essential to stay sane and calm despite the negative energy surrounding you.
It might be hard to remain optimistic, but remember that laughter will always be the best medicine. Funny lines and jokes can go a long way to keep the body and mind healthy and happy. And, with a healthy and bright mindset, it’ll be easier for you to deal with whatever curveball life throws at you.
Remember that with this list of funny quotes, it’s within your power to send something joyful to family and friends who need a reminder of happy times ahead. With that, we hope the collection was able to light up your day and the day of someone important to you!
Did any of the quotes above capture your interest? Which quotes made you laugh out loud? Please, list them down below!
