He and his wife did everything they could to financially support their one and only child. When they discovered she had a job, instead of being proud, they were shocked and disgusted!
A Lone Child
OP (Original Poster), a 47-year-old man, is a father to one: Nila, his 19-year-old daughter.
Mother in Her Teens
Since OP and his wife did quite well for themselves, they’ve been financially supporting and caring for Nila’s four-year-old child, Kimberly, as she’s in a university a few hours away from home.
Worry Not Financially
While Nila is studying, OP and his wife have helped pay for her tuition and car insurance and even gave her a considerable amount of money every month so she could focus on her studies stress-free. All of that while taking care and providing for her daughter.
One day, OP’s nephew visited the area where Nila goes to college. Unfortunately, he saw her at a local club, working as a pole girl.
The Little Snitch
Nila told her cousin to keep what he had discovered from her parents, but he told them anyway.
Nothing but the Truth
So, OP confronted Nila, and, at first, she tried to deny it, but she eventually admitted she’s been doing her job for the past few months.
OP asked Nila why she had to do that and to make the long story short, she said she wasn’t responsible with the money OP and his wife had been giving her. That shopping is “more important.”
With that, OP threatened his daughter that he would cut her off financially. The reason is that he disapproves of Nila doing “this kind of work.”
Another one is that she was making money of her own and wasn’t responsible with OP’s. Lastly, she hid her job from OP and his wife and didn’t even send any money back to help with Kimberly.
Still Figuring Life Out
Afterward, Nila started crying and even begged OP not to cut her off, saying it wasn’t fair. She told OP she was already an adult and could do as she pleased, but she still needed help.
A More Sensible Solution
OP’s wife thinks he’s being too harsh and that instead of cutting Nila off, maybe they could give her a “smaller amount of money each month.”
Now, OP wonders, “Am I the a**hole?”
What People Think
Some Redditors believe OP and his wife were careless as parents, indicating that they’re the reason their child made “questionable” choices in life.
The top commenter wrote, “You’re the a**hole, and you should really take a step back and look at the whole picture that the last 19 years of parenting have created for your daughter. Did she get pregnant at 14 or 15? You take over all financial and active care of the child and then just free your daughter from any and all responsibility, and then send her off to school and throw more money at the situation? Now you’re shocked she’s an exotic dancer? Barring some crazy stuff that happened to her that you’ve not filled in for context, you and your wife do not sound like productive parents at all.”
An Adult, Yet Still a Kid
Although Nila was privileged to get support from OP and his wife, they should’ve taught her real-life skills like budgeting money instead of making the problem bigger than it is already.
A Redditor said, “I think your daughter is an adult, and it’s been a privilege for her to receive the help she had. Wish I had that support. It’s your money, and she’s an adult. Not the a**hole.”
Another person wrote, “OP gave her the money she needed but didn’t teach her the skills to budget. She’s only a teen, after all. OP should try to be part of the solution rather than being part of the problem. You all are harsh, man. Give your kid a chance, at least, before jumping right into punishment. I would love my kid enough to try at least to help them develop a useful skill and see how it goes before cutting them off completely financially as a teenager.”
There were a lot of details that OP missed answering, and Redditors are curious about them as they seem relevant to the story.
Someone asked, “Is she paying part of her tuition? You said ‘helped,’ so I was just curious. What is the ‘decent amount of money’ supposed to cover? Housing, food, clothing? Beyond the basics of housing/food/bills, how much fun money does she have every month? I’m not saying you need to provide fun money or any money; I’m just asking.”
The same person wrote, “‘I then threatened to cut her off financially,’ what does this mean? No more tuition, car insurance, and monthly allowance? Or just cutting the monthly allowance? Would you be okay with her doing some waitressing or whatever for extra shopping money? Do you think she’s making enough to cover what you currently give her? Would you cut her off and expect her to cover all those bills if she had a part-time job you approved of?”
A Clever Girl
Even though Nila is still a teenager, she managed to get a job. Some people pointed out that if Nila worked something else instead of being a pole dancer, OP would be proud.
One commenter said, “You’re the a**hole. She’s 19 for God’s sake. Literally still a teenager. Her brain isn’t fully developed. Work with her on budgeting. And dancing isn’t a trash job. She’s showing some decent ingenuity. If she had gotten a job as a secretary, you wouldn’t be as angry. Is she still doing school and doing well? Then, leave her alone. Help her be safe. She’s being smart and creative, and you’re being judgemental and rigid.”
What can you say about the matter? Was Nila wrong?
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This post first appeared as He Cut His 19-Year-Old Daughter off Financially After Discovering She Was a Pole Dancer. She’s a Teenage Mom Who’s Irresponsible With Her Allowance and Thinks Shopping Is “More Important!” on Quote Ambition.