His friends invited their online gaming friends, including their partners, to their wedding ceremony but had “no space” for the best man’s girlfriend. Isn’t that a little insulting?
I Hear Wedding Bells!
One of OP’s (Original Poster) best friends recently got engaged to his girlfriend of four years and will be getting married the following year. OP was “over the moon” for them.
Best Man’s Confusion
A few days before sharing this story, the groom asked OP to be his best man, and he accepted. Never did it cross his mind to say no until the invitations were sent out and he saw that his girlfriend was only given an evening invitation.
The engaged couple explained that only 50 people were allowed to attend the ceremony and 100 for the evening. If they decide to have additional seats, it will cost them money.
Room for Strangers
According to OP, if the groom and bride had a “huge pool” of family and friends and they had to make a cut, he wouldn’t feel angry about it. However, both parties have “very small families,” and he found out that their online friends from playing video games have been invited, along with their partners.
OP wrote, “It just feels like a bit of a slap to the face, being the best man and not being allowed one space.”
Generally, the bride has said that she doesn’t like new people in her life, and OP’s girlfriend has rarely been invited to social events at her house. But when she started dating OP’s best friend, he ensured she was invited to everything they did from day one.
OP has been in a relationship with his girlfriend for six months, and by the time the wedding happens, they’ll be together for almost two years.
Ditching His Best Friend’s Wedding
Eventually, OP told his best friend that he wouldn’t be the best man anymore and wouldn’t attend the wedding. Unsurprisingly, the groom wasn’t pleased with his decision.
Hearing what he said, OP’s best friend tried to rationally explain that there wasn’t space for his girlfriend at the wedding, but OP stood his ground.
He wrote, “I know this may make me the a**hole because I’m throwing away years of friendship for something that likely wasn’t a huge consideration for them. There just wasn’t enough space, but knowing how this had made me feel, I don’t think I’d be capable of giving a nice speech during the day.”
Straighten It Out
In an update, OP realized that he might be “blowing things out of proportion” for a day that isn’t about him. With that, he will do everything he can to fix things with his best friend.
He admitted that it felt more like an insult in the heat of the moment.
He clarified that he’s been friends with both the groom and bride for the duration of their relationship. Due to their joint at-the-hip nature, people’s partners are usually welcomed with open arms in their friendship group.
OP added, “I did everything I could to make the bride feel comfortable in the group when she was first introduced, and we consider each other good friends.”
Officially One of Them
OP’s reasoning is that if he and his girlfriend were together in a year’s time when the wedding comes, he’d like to think she was already established in the group. If the tables were turned, he wouldn’t dream of not asking his best friend’s partner for the most important day of his life.
If They Were in His Position
Besides, they are a tight-knit group of friends who see each other regularly, together with their partners. It’s just that his girlfriend doesn’t get any invites to social events hosted by the bride and groom.
OP noted, “I know for a fact if the roles were reversed and she wasn’t invited to my wedding, there would be hell to pay because there have been instances where I’ve invited my friend without his girlfriend for ‘lads nights out’ and she’s kicked off.”
It’s What Friends Do
Although OP still thinks he’s right, he can see that he overreacted and that things could have been handled differently. In his update, he just wanted to clarify some things about their friendship, as it isn’t like his best friend is getting married to a woman he has never met.
He wrote, “I class her as a friend and have made every effort to make her feel included from day one.”
According to Redditors, OP should understand there isn’t enough space for more people in the ceremony. Also, whatever issues he has now, he still has plenty of time to fix them and work on his speech.
A Redditor wrote, “You’re the a**hole. You answered the question in your post. They have limited space and wish to keep the wedding on a budget. It is not for you to decide who watches the ceremony and who doesn’t. Your girlfriend has an invite to the evening reception. It is truly up to the couple on whom they wish to attend the morning portion and watch them tie the knot.”
The same person added, “I bet if you asked your girlfriend if she cares or not, I’d wager it is the latter. All she gets is a free meal, drinks, and a dance party, which sounds perfect to her. Push your ego aside and have a conversation with the groom. Explain how you feel and talk it out. Lastly, you have over a year to work through this issue and deliver a speech.”
Dumping Their Friendship
Redditors were disappointed that OP was willing to give up his friends for his girlfriend of six months, even though there’s no guarantee they’ll end up together.
Someone said, “You’re the a**hole. Six months into a relationship, and you’re ready to throw away a lifelong friendship for the hope that you’ll still be together with her by the time the wedding rolls around.”
Another person wrote, “You’re the a**hole. You’ve been with your girlfriend for 6 months, the couple doesn’t know her, and there is no guarantee you will even be with her in another 18 months from now. You’re planning to throw away your long friendship because you’re in a relatively new relationship with a person who is a stranger to the bride and groom and is having a limited-guest wedding. There are hills to die on, but this is not one.”
Some needed clarification about why the engaged couple was already sending out invitations even though their wedding was still the following year.
A commenter asked, “Why are they doing invites now when the wedding is a year and a half away? You don’t typically do wedding invites formally until like three to four months before. Feels like the ‘happy couple’ created a problem here.”
Another Redditor replied, saying, “I also thought it was weird to be so specific about the guest list 18 months out. I could see if it was a destination wedding where guests must plan far ahead for time off of work, childcare, travel fees, etc., but not for a typical wedding. I’m voting everyone sucks here. The bridal couple should have waited until closer to the wedding date to finalize the invites. OP took the nuclear option for a woman he may not even want to be with anymore once the wedding date arrives.”
A Courteous Act
People from Reddit said that even if the couple doesn’t invite OP’s girlfriend, it’s only respectful that the best man be granted a plus-one. After all, he does play an important role.
“I say not the a**hole. Even if she wasn’t invited by name, it seems inappropriate not to give your best man a plus-one to your wedding,” one Redditor said.
Someone else wrote, “Not the a**hole. This is important to you, and you expressed it makes you feel disrespected. With reason, it’s common courtesy to allow a plus-one, especially to someone who will play such an important role in the wedding. If he truly valued the friendship, a plus-one is really no big deal. I wonder if someone just doesn’t like your girlfriend, for whatever reason?”
What’s With the Exclusion?
Other users can’t get this question out of their heads: how could OP’s friends invite their online gaming friends but not his girlfriend? It just seems fishy.
A commenter wrote, “Not the a**hole. I would’ve said you’re the a**hole without the part where you mentioned they invited other—possibly not as close—friends and their partners. It’s obviously their wedding, and they can invite whoever they want, but the ‘no space’ reason, when it comes to your girlfriend, sounds questionable. So I can understand where you’re coming from. Also, six months can be a very serious relationship, depending on the couple. Your girlfriend is not some rando you picked off the street a day ago.”
Another one replied to the previous comment, saying, “That’s what I’m saying. What’s with all the ‘you’re the a**hole’? Gamer buddies’ significant others’ can get an invite, but not the best man’s? The wedding’s a year out, and they clearly think OP and his girlfriend will be broken up by then. Not cool.”
Was OP wrong for wanting his girlfriend to be invited to the ceremony? Do you think the engaged couple deliberately wanted to exclude OP’s partner?
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This post first appeared as He Refused to Attend His Best Friend’s Wedding Because His Girlfriend of Six Months Wasn’t Invited. He’s the Best Man, but It Doesn’t Mean He Can Make Everything About Him! on Quote Ambition.