This Redditor had had it with her sister’s snide and hurtful remarks, so she uninvited her from her wedding. Should she suck it up, be the bigger person, and invite her again?
A Complicated Relationship Between Sisters
OP (Original Poster), 28, recently found herself in a tough situation regarding her upcoming wedding and her 25-year-old sister.
The two sisters have always had a complicated relationship. They used to be close growing up, but as they got older, they drifted apart due to their different personalities.
The Love of Her Life
She then went on to explain that she and her fiancé have been together for seven years, and OP said he’s the “love of her life.” They got engaged six months before this story was posted, and the wedding planning had been in full swing.
However, serious issues arose when they had a family dinner a couple of weeks before she shared this story.
A Passion for Hiking
OP’s fiancé and the rest of her family were at the dinner. At some point during their get-together, he started telling everyone a story about a recent hiking trip he took.
She wrote, “He’s really into outdoor activities, and he was excitedly talking about climbing a challenging trail.”
Sister’s Snide Comment
However, out of nowhere, OP’s sister said, “It’s surprising you actually did something that requires physical effort.” When she said that, she looked directly into OP’s eyes.
OP then explained that this didn’t come as a big surprise. Since she started dating her fiancé, her sister made fun of her for being with a more “chubby” man.
The table was silent, and she could see how hurt her fiancé was. However, he just brushed it off.
A Joke or a Direct Attack?
After dinner, OP immediately but privately confronted her sister about what she had said. Her sister, however, dismissed her and said it was a joke; she also told OP that her fiancé shouldn’t be “so sensitive.”
OP wrote, “This really upset me, as her comment felt like a direct attack on the person I love. I explained to her how important my fiancé is to me and how her words were hurtful.”
She didn’t pursue matters further. However, more conflicts arose when OP sent out wedding invitations to close family and friends.
When her sister received hers, she asked OP if she could bring her new boyfriend of two months as her plus one.
A Small Wedding
OP thought about things but ultimately decided to refuse. Given their strained relationship, she preferred to keep the wedding a “more intimate affair” with people who genuinely support their relationship.
Spouting Unnecessary Nonsense
She told her sister about her decision and said they were having a small wedding and “couldn’t accommodate” plus ones for people they didn’t know well. Unfortunately, OP’s sister didn’t take the news well.
She wrote, “She accused me of bad things, like not being happy for her, not wanting her to enjoy the day as much as I will.”
Bursting in Anger
After arguing with her sister, OP was simply “full of her.” She was angry and told her sister she was no longer invited to her wedding.
A Pile of Negative Things
She brought up the hurtful comment her sister made about her fiancé and said it played a role in her decision.
OP told her sister that she doesn’t respect her boundaries, but she got defensive and told her that she was “overreacting.”
Making up Excuses
OP’s sister wouldn’t let things go. Instead, she’d been talking to their relatives behind OP’s back, telling them she was being “unreasonable” and using her comment as an “excuse” to keep her out of the wedding.
Should I Be the Bigger Person?
Since then, relatives have had a lot of things to say to OP about the issue.
OP wrote, “Some family members have reached out to me, saying I should be the bigger person and invite her, regardless of the past drama.”
Now OP’s left with some conflicting thoughts.
She asked, “Am I the a**hole for not inviting my sister to my wedding after she insulted my fiancé, or should I put the past aside and include her for the sake of family harmony?”
Redditors’ Pieces of Advice
For users, OP’s sister was projecting her mistakes on OP.
A top commenter wrote, “Not the a**hole; interesting how your sister reacted badly to being called out for her actions twice—chubby comment and not accepting no to the plus one—and yet you were oversensitive and overreacting. That’s called projection. Your and your significant other’s feelings are normal, and you don’t need her to validate them.”
Another wrote, “I suspect OP’s sister is jealous. OP’s decisions and guidelines should be based on long-term goals.”
Some pointed out that OP’s sister might do something to disrupt the wedding if she does ever get reinvited. Redditors also reassured OP that what she did was right; she wasn’t making excuses!
“I fear that she’ll do something on the wedding day to make it about her as she wouldn’t be able to handle OP getting all the attention,” wrote one woman.
Another said, “Not the a**hole. News flash for the sister—she’s not supposed to be as happy as the bride and groom on their wedding day. Something in that wording tells me this is rooted in severe jealousy. I don’t think she’ll add anything positive to your wedding day. If you think she will, invite her. If you think she won’t, don’t invite her. Ignore whatever family is nosy and audacious enough to tell you what you should and/or should not be doing for your wedding.”
What should OP do? Do you think she’s being unreasonable when she banned her sister from her wedding?
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This post first appeared as Her Sister Insulted and Fat-Shamed Her Fiancé, Then Said Hurtful Things Toward Her. She Blatantly Disrespected People’s Boundaries, so She Banned Her From the Wedding! Was She Overreacting? on Quote Ambition.