A young man was abandoned by his mother when she left his father for being an abusive alcoholic. He wanted nothing to do with her, but she tried to reach out.
OP (Original Poster) is an 18-year-old man who hadn’t heard from his mother, now a 39-year-old woman, in 13 years. She had left her abusive husband, now a 40-year-old man, all those years ago and abandoned her son with him.
All Alone With Him
Due to his wife leaving, OP said that his father turned his frustrations all toward him. He would physically abuse him, and he would also emotionally and mentally harm him.
Slowly Getting Better
One of the only bright sides to OP’s young life was that his father got less and less involved as he got older. Even still, he remained a very unpleasant and mean presence in his life.
Struggling to Escape
To save himself, OP had started working early and had taken his grades seriously. Because of this, he was now in a university in a bigger and better city, though he still lived in the same state.
The One Good Thing
The “only good thing” that his father ever did for him, OP said, was give him a lot of money when he went off to college. OP was now in college with some high school friends around him, so he was doing much better.
Too Little, Too Late
Three weeks before he posted, OP had heard from his mother again when she messaged him over Instagram. She explained why she left, because of his father’s abuse, and apologized for leaving him there.
A Better Life
OP’s mom told him she hadn’t been in a good state of mind, but all that had changed. She had remarried and had children that she wanted OP to meet so they could all reconnect.
Stunned Into Silence
OP didn’t respond to his mother’s message because he didn’t know how to. Yes, his father was abusive, but his mother failed him, knowing that his father would abuse him.
How Great for You
One of the big reasons why OP is even angrier at his mother is that now she has a beautiful family and home. He saw her public posts on Instagram about how friendly and happy their household was, all while he had lived with a mean, abusive alcoholic.
You Were Never There
She was never there for OP when he needed her, and she had never tried to contact him. She wanted him to meet her lovely new family, but he thought, “F*** you, and f*** your family.”
Are You Sure?
OP said that many of his friends urged him to reconnect with her. As they said, he didn’t know what had happened to her, and he might regret not coming to terms with his mother.
Fine on My Own
The problem that OP had with that is that he was still resentful that she abandoned him to a horrible life. Now that he was older, he didn’t want to forgive her; he didn’t need her and wondered if anyone else had dealt with a similar situation and how they handled it.
What Redditors Have to Say
Not many Redditors had any sympathy for his mother. They all applauded her for leaving the relationship, but no one could understand why she abandoned her son.
One of the best comments that encapsulated everyone’s mood on the subject was, “She walked away and left a five-year-old child with a drunken abuser! And now she waltzes back in and says, ‘Hey OP, play happy families with me?’ Seriously? Your real family are your friends, OP. The best person to trust is you; the further you can get away from your family of origin, the better. I’d delete her message, block her, and forget that neither existed. Life as you know it will not be any better for having either the abandoner or the abuser in it. It will be far better with neither of them in it. Not the a**hole at all.”
Another Redditor pointed out that she waited way too long to reach out, saying, “Not the a**hole. Your mom would have known that it was likely that an abusive spouse would be abusive to their child, and yet in the 13 years she was gone, she didn’t even try to maintain contact.”
A Bitter Ending
It was clear to most Redditors that OP’s mom didn’t deserve a second chance.
One offered some perspective and said, “Here’s a perspective: victims of abuse tend to stick around longer or indefinitely if they have pets because they do not want to leave their pets behind with the abuser. Your mother left her child. While I understand that it is hard to leave an abusive relationship, which is a milestone, the blatant disregard for your safety and well-being as her child says it all. She didn’t reconnect because she cares for you. She’s doing it to relieve her conscience. Not the a**hole, you don’t owe her anything.”
Do you think that OP should try to connect with his mother? Why would she leave her child behind and never seek to contact him again?
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This post first appeared as He Refused to Contact His Mother After She Abandoned Him With His Alcoholic, Abusive Father at the Age of Five. Now, 13 Years Later, She’s Reaching Out, but He Ignores Her. Is He Wrong? on Quote Ambition.