This user and his fiancé moved in with his parents while they waited for a house. His mom complained that his fiancé and sister never do their “womanly duties,” so he stopped helping her.
Hard to Get Started
OP (Original Poster) is a 28-year-old man engaged to his high school sweetheart. They had some financial issues, forcing them to live with OP’s parents until they could afford an apartment.
Start and Stop
He and his fiancé moved out and lived in their apartment for two years. Then they moved back in with his parents to wait on a house they wanted to come available for rent, which would take about two months from the date of his post.
Going Through Hard Times
OP had an older sister who was married but was on the brink of getting divorced. Her husband wouldn’t help out around the house; he would just come home from work and play around until it was time for bed.
Too Much To Do
His sister had a full-time job as a nurse and then would have to come home and do all the cleaning. His mother was not supportive of his sister and thought she was unreasonable.
Old-Fashioned Values
OP’s mother believed caring for the home and catering to her husband were women’s jobs. She didn’t care if they worked a full-time job or not.
No One Is Safe
OP’s mom would also badmouth his fiancé for “forcing him” to help around the house. She said that, as a woman, his fiancé was not taking care of him since he cooked, cleaned, and did chores around the house.
A More Modern Outlook
Even living with his parents, OP didn’t think like his mom. When there was dirty laundry or something requiring cleaning, he didn’t expect his fiancé to do it and would take care of it himself.
A Maid, Not a Man
That didn’t sit well with OP’s mom, who didn’t like that he was doing the basic house chores. She would even accuse his fiancé of wanting a maid, not a man.
A Dash of Hypocrisy
Despite her feelings about housework, OP’s mom had no trouble asking him for help when she wanted something done. OP didn’t mind helping his mom because he knew he lived in the same house, so sharing the responsibility was fine.
Not Good Enough
OP’s problem was that it always seemed like it needed to be better for his mother. No matter what he did, she would call him her “lazy son,” and added on top of what she had said about his sister and fiancé, he had had enough.
Can’t Have It Both Ways
OP told his mother that since she was into “traditional roles,” he wouldn’t help her anymore with housework. She’s a woman, and he’s a man, so she shouldn’t demand help from him.
Double Standards
He didn’t stop defending his sister or splitting chores with his fiancé, but OP said he wouldn’t be helping his mom anymore. She believed she was entitled to his help but wanted to treat his fiancé and sister like maids, which he couldn’t tolerate.
The Whole Family
Now that he wasn’t helping his mom, she had told the whole family. Whenever they come over now, they accuse OP of being a “lazy a**hole” for not wanting to help out his mother.
What the Community Has to Say
OP had known that the title of his article would start a controversy, but once they had read it, Redditors spoke up.
A lot of Redditors rallied behind this comment, “Not the a**hole. So she’s allowed help around the house, but your fiancé and sister aren’t? F*** that. Your mom needs to move into the 21st century. I still think you should help your mom out, but I think using her words against her in this situation was justified.”
Other Redditors brought up their memories of similar events, saying, “Not the a**hole, and this reminds me so much of an encounter with my grandma. She visited, went to inspect the kitchen windows, and told me, with my now ex standing there, that I needed to clean the windows. I handed her the cleaning stuff and told her to have fun. She never mentioned something like this again. I am f****** afraid of heights. I don’t clean windows.”
Welcome to the 21st Century
It was clear to most that OP’s mother had values that were out of date. They also noticed that it said something about how she viewed OP.
One Redditor said, “She doesn’t see you as a man. You are a child she raised, and children must do whatever chores assigned to them. That’s another aspect of her 1950s mentality. The rules only apply to people who she thinks are men. Not the a**hole.”
Do you think OP was correct to stop helping his mom? What else could he do to improve the situation, or is his mom too old and stuck in her ways?
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This post first appeared as He Refused to Do Chores for His Mother Since She Kept Badmouthing His Fiancé and His Sister, Saying They Should Do All the Cleaning. Now She’s Mad at Him! on Quote Ambition.
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