This Redditor had zero plans of leaving his kids an inheritance and instead planned to use it to enjoy life with his wife. Now their kids are upset, making them wonder if they were wrong!
A Comfortable Lifestyle
OP (Original Poster) and his wife are both in their mid-40s and are working full-time. They have three children, aged 20, 17, and 11, and thankfully, they’ve been able to provide their family with a good life.
The couple worked hard to get where they are in their careers, and though they aren’t rich and don’t live beyond their means, their combined income is around $300,000 a year.
One Route
If OP and his wife went the “traditional route” and saved heavily and worked for another 25 years, they could retire at a decent age and still leave a “sizable inheritance” for their kids.
The Couple’s Choice
However, the thing is that OP and his wife didn’t want that for themselves or for their kids.
He said, “We worked hard to get where we are, and we intend to enjoy the rewards of that before we’re elderly. We also don’t want our kids to be counting down the days until we die so they can get our money and never work again.”
Waiting for That One Day
So, right now, OP and his wife plan to retire when their youngest graduates high school. At that point, they’ll have enough saved up to live comfortably and travel more.
The couple also plans to use “all their money” for whatever they want to do after they retire.
No Expectations
He noted that they had a fund saved for a rainy day but intended to use “as much of their money as possible.”
OP added, “They’ll get a portion of what we have left once both of us die, but they shouldn’t expect anything.”
Keeping Things Hushed
However, one of the issues OP has is that they hid their plans from their kids. They never really brought it up.
Reasons or Excuses?
He noted that, for one, it was their money and their business. Secondly, their kids never asked.
The closest they ever had to having this conversation was OP telling his kids that they “aren’t giving them handouts as adults.”
The End of Their Kindness
OP explained that they’d pay for half of whatever their schools cost. However, that would be the “last major money” they ever give them.
A Health Scare
All was going well until it didn’t. Everything changed when OP had a health scare before posting this story.
He had a “pre-cancerous mole,” and he was fine, but the topic came up when their eldest child asked about their plans for the future.
No Holds Barred
OP took this opportunity to explain their financial situation and plans to her. However, this upset his eldest child, and she accused OP and his wife of “caring more about partying than her and her siblings’ well-being.”
Work for It!
However, OP wouldn’t give in. He tried rationalizing and arguing with his daughter.
He said, “I explained that we’d rather them make their own way in life like we did—not wait for a handout.”
A Domino Effect
After this, OP’s eldest daughter told her younger sister—OP’s middle child—about what she learned. Now they’re both upset at OP and his wife, not just for the inheritance but also for not telling them sooner.
Nobody Else’s Business
Even so, OP doesn’t think he did anything wrong. For him, there “wasn’t any good reason” to tell his kids about their plans sooner.
He added, “It isn’t their business what happens to other people’s money.”
What Redditors Think of the Issue
The community took OP’s kids’ side, saying this is the kind of conversation that should have been brought up earlier.
A top commenter wrote, “It seems like this is the kind of thing you should have been talking about all along—that you don’t plan on doing anything to make life financially easier for them and that your family’s philosophy is that money is to be spent on yourself, not preserved for future generations or spent on loved ones. So, you’re the a**hole for not making your family’s values clear as they were growing up.”
The same person added, “That line about ‘They’ll just be waiting for us to die,’ though—ouch. That’s really sad if you genuinely think that your children will feel this way about you. I’m not sure why you think not leaving them anything because you don’t want to do anything to make their lives less difficult will make them have warmer feelings towards you. You’re not obligated to leave them anything, but your attitude towards them is just very sad. It doesn’t seem like you think very highly of your children’s character.”
Make Sure You Have Yourselves Covered!
Others also noted that if this was what OP wanted to happen, he should ensure he and his wife had enough money for their needs when they got older. With how they abandoned their kids now, it wouldn’t be a surprise if they decide not to take care of them when they’re old and gray.
“At least make sure you have enough money that you’re not actually dependent on your kids if you get sick. You kinda sound like the type of people who wouldn’t account for that,” said one user.
What Kind of Parents Are You?
People also called OP and his wife out for how they treated their kids. For them, shouldn’t parents do all they can to ensure a good life for their kids?
One pointed out, “I just don’t understand parents who have children and don’t want to set them up for the best possible future. My whole mission in life is to set up my children for success. Making $300,000 a year and not paying for your kids’ university? Get the f*** out of here.”
Someone else said, “Right? Like, I thought the whole point was to make sure the next generation gets it easier than you did. I don’t understand the logic behind, ‘I suffered, so they have to as well.’ It feels motivated by bitterness—not by helping the child.”
Do you think OP’s naive? What would you tell him and his wife?
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This post first appeared as He Refused to Leave His Children Easy “Handouts,” Saying He’ll Use Their Inheritance for Leisure. Now They’re Furious He Chose His Enjoyment Over Their Well-Being! Was He Being Selfish? on Quote Ambition.
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