This Redditor understands why her husband wants his mom to move in with them. Even so, she refused to put her and her children’s comfort at risk. Was she wrong?
A Home Just for Them
OP (Original Poster) is a mother of 4 children ages 10 to 16. Aside from being a mom, she also works in the marketing field.
They also live in a decently sized house with three bedrooms: two for her kids to share and one for her and her husband. These rooms are enough for their family, and there are no extra rooms for anyone to use.
His Ill Mother
Then, OP explained that her mother-in-law has been sick for quite a while and needs to be taken care of all the time. This is why OP’s husband got his mother a personal nurse and caretaker.
However, her husband eventually became tired of paying the nurse and his mother’s rent, so he suggested that his mother move in with them so that he doesn’t have to pay for her rent; he’d only have to pay for the nurse.
No Space for Her
But since their house is enough for only six people, bringing in her husband’s mother and the nurse would be a problem as they don’t have enough rooms to cater to eight people.
Furthermore, his mother can’t sit down and always has to lie in bed; this would be especially hard since they don’t have room.
Wholeheartedly Against It
OP’s husband suggested letting his mother stay in their youngest kids’ room, which has two beds, making their kids share one bed and have his mother take the other one.
However, OP wrote, “I straight up refused and told him I won’t disturb my kids’ comfort like that, and we still won’t have a place for the nurse.”
As if it would solve all their problems, her husband told her to quit her job and just stay at home so she could take care of his mother, and he could cut off the nurse.
She added, “I told him, how about he takes care of his mother and quit to stay at home, and he said no.”
Not Her Responsibility
OP’s mother-in-law hasn’t moved in yet, and she won’t allow it as their house already feels small, with six of them in the family.
Despite having siblings, her husband is the only one who pays for the nurse and his mother’s rent. Her husband has three brothers; one lives alone and isn’t married, so why can’t they care for their mother?
A Prideful Husband
She had already advised her husband to ask his siblings for help, but he refused because his “pride” didn’t allow him to do so.
OP added, “But he was completely fine with asking me to quit my job so he wouldn’t pay for a nurse and to ask me to pack the house more because he can’t pay her rent.”
This has been going on for too long to the point that OP’s husband called her “heartless” for refusing to let his mother move in. Even so, OP wouldn’t give in; she told him that her mother-in-law could live with them if they got a bigger house, and then he accused her of being “ungrateful” for what they had.
OP wrote, “I don’t have a problem with her personally, but I don’t wanna suffocate at home and don’t want to shove two of my kids in one bed, neither do I wanna quit my job.”
What a Manipulator!
Because OP wouldn’t give in, her husband started emotionally blackmailing her by lying and telling his mom that OP would take care of her, although she never agreed to such a thing. OP’s mother-in-law was so grateful that she sent OP a message thanking her, which she didn’t respond to.
Then, her husband resorted to contacting OP’s siblings and friends to tell them that she’s a “heartless woman” and that one day, her kids would leave her, too, like how she left her mother-in-law. However, OP thought, “News flash, she has four kids, and I am not one of them.”
Weapons Against Her Husband
Even with everything OP’s husband is trying, he can’t move his mom into their house without OP’s consent because if he did, he knows that OP would stop paying for any expenses related to the house. They split a $3,000 monthly expense, and her husband pays an additional $500 for his mom’s rent and nurse.
She noted, “So, in total, he spends $2,000 on half the house and his mother. If he did anything without my agreement, he’d pay $3,000 alone plus the nurse, obviously.”
Behind His Change in Demeanor
Although many might think OP’s husband is manipulative and toxic, it wasn’t always this way. When OP married her husband, their relationship started out good, and nothing shook and rocked their relationship.
However, four years before sharing this story, OP’s father-in-law died, and her husband completely changed and started becoming the “miserable a**hole” he is. OP initially understood her husband’s behavior, considering that his father had passed away, but it has been four years.
Her Path to Freedom
As a matter of fact, OP has been preparing to divorce her husband for a year and was planning to buy a house. Thankfully, she inherited a house from her late uncle so she could save the money she was going to use for a new home.
Can’t Wait to Get Out of Here!
It took OP a long time to save up and prepare her things before moving out, knowing that she couldn’t risk leaving with four kids when she didn’t have enough money for a house or school tuition fees.
She added, “School started and leaving would mean they will all repeat their academic year. I talked to them and made them know we can move now but made them aware of the outcome. They agreed on staying.”
Doing Everything in His Power
Thankfully, everything seemed to be lining up in OP’s favor.
She wrote, “The house has been finalized under my name four months ago. My husband is aware of this, and he knows that we are going to leave in the next six months, so he is trying to do anything to hinder us or make life remaining months miserable, just like having to quit my job and stay moneyless for six months and probably not finding a new job.”
OP’s husband didn’t tell her about his true intentions. But she knew how her husband’s brain worked, and she believed something was up.
She asked, “I am aware of how he thinks when he has the expenses to cover up the house with me 50/50 and pay his mother’s rent. What’s his problem, then? He wouldn’t be able to save the largest sum of money.”
The Community’s Two Cents
The community agreed with OP’s reasons, saying a three-bedroom house for eight people was simply out of the question. They also think that OP’s husband is the real jerk for forcing OP to do things she doesn’t want.
“Absolutely not the a**hole. Eight people in three bedrooms just doesn’t work. Your kids are already doubled up, and there’s just no room for her at the inn. I can’t believe he had the audacity to suggest you quit to be a full-time career for his mother; he’s the heartless one here, not you. The fact he didn’t even consider quitting himself to look after her speaks volumes as well,” said a top commenter.
Hurry Up and Leave!
Redditors think that OP’s husband’s actions are very questionable and that she should quickly leave with her kids because his treatment of her might worsen.
A Redditor wrote, “Not the a**hole. I think something a little different is going on, though. Your husband is sabotaging your plans to leave. Never tell someone when you’re making an exit plan. Your husband is being bullish because he’s trying to tie you to him and stop your career. He knows exactly what he’s asking. Honestly? Don’t wait; move as soon as possible. He’s likely to escalate. Go around him and talk to his brothers if you have to, but my feeling here is money’s not actually the issue.”
Another person pointed out, “So your husband knows you’re about to leave and is trying to make you miserable before you go? Or trying to lock you in and say, ‘Oh, but you can’t leave now; my mother needs you?’ Either way, speed up those divorce plans and run. Leave him to sleep in the bed of his own making. Not the a**hole.”
What do you think? Should OP have agreed to let her mother-in-law move in?
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This post first appeared as Her Manipulative Husband’s Forcing Her to Take Her Sick Mother-In-Law in and Quit Her Job So She Could Be Her 24/7 Caregiver. She Refused, and Now He’s Saying She’s “Heartless!” on Quote Ambition.