This soon-to-be bride wasn’t close with her future mother-in-law, but she didn’t expect that she hated her and was prejudiced against her. So, she banned her from her wedding. Was she wrong?
Building a Family
OP (Original Poster) is a 27-year-old who will soon get married to her 45-year-old fiancé. However, this wasn’t OP’s first marriage.
She has two kids from her previous relationship, but her first husband died.
Not the Full Story
OP knew her future mother-in-law wasn’t aware of her whole story, as she was very private and didn’t share many details about her life with people she wasn’t close to.
OP said she “wasn’t overly close” with her fiancé’s mom. After all, she had only spoken to her on a handful of holidays, and they never had a conversation that went beyond the “basics.”
Fast forward to the present; OP and her fiancé recently hosted Thanksgiving dinner. She said she felt accomplished and was excited to share the holiday with her soon-to-be family.
However, OP forgot about the mashed potatoes! It shouldn’t be a big issue, but her future mother-in-law got in a “very p**** mood about it.”
A Helping Hand
Fortunately, her future sister-in-law offered to help and ran to the store to buy some instant ones; OP was very grateful for her help. However, since she’d be leaving her kids at the house, she asked OP to check in on her youngest daughter, who was in an upstairs bedroom with OP’s kids.
They had been quiet for some time, and OP mentioned moms knew this “is never a good thing!” She agreed, went upstairs, and saw the kids were engrossed in Encanto.
Her future mother-in-law, father-in-law, brother-in-law, and her soon-to-be niece sat at the table downstairs with OP’s fiancé.
She noted that her future niece was OP’s soon-to-be sister-in-law’s 15-year-old daughter.
Silence and Hushed Conversations
When OP made her way downstairs from the kids, she noted that there was only silence at their table, but she didn’t think much of it. However, her future niece pulled her aside when dinner was over and asked if they could talk.
OP asked if everything was okay, and her future sister-in-law’s daughter explained that while OP was gone, her mother-in-law-to-be had some mean things to say about her.
Her future niece told her that her mother-in-law-to-be was saying how she didn’t understand why her son, OP’s fiancé, would be someone who was “used up.” She noted how “running around” with someone like OP would “ruin his reputation” among men.
She told OP that there was another comment she wasn’t comfortable repeating.
Thankful for the Heads Up
OP’s future niece said it didn’t feel right to leave without telling her, and OP “thanked her profusely.”
She was also completely in shock at what she had just heard!
Confirming the Story
At this point, her future mother-in-law had already left. Since she was a “very confrontational” person who believed she should get the “drama over with,” she called her.
OP asked her mother-in-law-to-be if what her future niece said was true, and she got quiet before admitting to what she said.
Hammering It Home
Then, her future mother-in-law didn’t restrain herself and told OP, “I am glad you know how everyone feels now; I was getting tired of hiding it.”
OP started to cry, but still, she didn’t apologize. Instead, she said, “You act like a s***; you get treated like one.”
Retracting the Invite
She was so angry that she immediately uninvited her from the wedding. However, when her fiancé found out about it, he got furious.
OP shared, “My fiancé is very upset and is threatening to leave if I don’t fix this all now.”
What makes it worse is that her fiancé and all their friends accused OP of being the a**hole. OP said that they have been “ostracizing” her!
What Did I Do Wrong?
OP noted that she was always open to criticism. However, this time, she doesn’t think she did anything wrong by banning her future mother-in-law from her wedding, especially after everything she said.
What Redditors Think
Redditors wanted OP to realize that more than having a problem with her in-laws, she had a problem with her fiancé, first and foremost.
“Your mother-in-law called you a s*** on Thanksgiving, and your fiancé wants you to apologize? You have a fiancé problem. This relationship is already over. Figure out how to protect yourself and get out,” said a top commenter. Another replied, “Yep. He was at the table when the mother-in-law made comments about OP being ‘used up.’ He let that slide. A 15-year-old girl knew those comments were wrong, but her fiancé was okay with them? Dump the motherf***** already!”
Issues With the Age Gap
Some users also brought up OP and her fiancé’s huge age gap and noted that, perhaps, it’s one of the root causes of their issues.
One said, “He was at the table, and so was the rest of the family. The fact that it was the 15-year-old girl who told her and not any of the adults tells me that she doesn’t just have a fiance problem; she has a whole in-law family problem. Absolutely no one was willing to say anything against Mommy Dearest. And the future husband didn’t even tell her what his precious mommy said? Also, yeah—the nearly 20-year age gap was a tip from the beginning. Men in their mid-40s don’t marry 20-year-olds without a reason, and that reason is nearly always because women their own age refuse to put up with their bulls****!”
What do you think of what OP’s going through? Should she reconsider their upcoming nuptials?
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This post first appeared as Her Mother-In-Law-To-Be Called Her “Used-Up” Because of Her Two Kids, so She Banned Her From the Wedding! Now Her Fiancé Wants Her to Apologize; Otherwise, He’ll Leave! on Quote Ambition.