This Redditor opted out of attending her sister’s child-free wedding. She said she’d rather watch her nieces and nephews, but is that really the only reason she refused to go?
The Youngest Sister
OP (Original Poster) is 23 and is the youngest of four siblings. Her eldest sister, 32, and the second oldest, 30, have kids.
Though she and her husband are currently child-free, they plan to have kids in the future. OP’s third sister, who will get married soon, doesn’t have kids.
Strained Sisterly Relationships
Their oldest sister lives overseas with her husband, and OP noted she was the “most irrelevant” in this situation.
However, OP’s eldest sister and third sister “don’t speak” to each other.
Aggressively Child-Free
OP’s third sister is “aggressively child-free.” She also planned to have a child-free wedding.
Because of this and many other factors, they “don’t really get along.”
Wedding Guests’ Logistics
OP continued, sharing that her parents were old and could no longer drive. She also couldn’t, but her husband could.
Her second older sister also drives. However, she’s a single mom with no one to watch her kids for the wedding, so she originally planned to skip it.
Bad Blood
Unfortunately, OP’s husband wouldn’t attend the wedding because he and OP’s soon-to-be brother-in-law had bad blood. So, she planned for him to drop her and her parents off at the wedding.
OP wrote, “My husband and soon-to-be brother-in-law hate each other. They grew up together, and there’s just lots of hard feelings there.”
Messy History
In an edit, OP explained what had happened between her husband and soon-to-be brother-in-law and prefaced it by saying she had to get her sister-in-law’s, her husband’s sister, permission first.
Everything began when OP’s sister-in-law and soon-to-be brother-in-law dated in high school. He got her pregnant, dipped, tried to force an abortion, accused her of cheating, and more!
Slandering and Inflicting Pain
When OP’s sister-in-law had the baby, she had a DNA test done. Then, she sued OP’s soon-to-be brother-in-law for child support.
OP wrote, “The entire time, he was slating her name, making her feel horrible—tried to force her to put their son up for adoption.”
Gone Too Soon
Sadly, their son was only five months old when he passed away due to an “undetected medical issue.” OP’s sister-in-law was suffering, in pain, and even hospitalized.
OP’s future brother-in-law was insensitive to others’ pain; instead of trying to comfort the mother of his late child, he posted about “being free from the shackles of his bank-draining baby mama.” He then went on a “partying streak to celebrate.”
No Acknowledgment
Apart from continuing to insist that OP’s sister-in-law was a lousy mom, he never acknowledged his son.
OP wrote, “Even now, he has never once visited his son’s grave. He skipped his funeral, didn’t tell his own family members that he’d passed away, and they also missed his funeral.”
Is Hate Really Such a Strong Word?
Given everything that had happened, OP’s husband “f****** hates” her future brother-in-law. He even worked overtime when he was 15 to help his sister pay for the baby’s funeral after OP’s future brother-in-law refused to step up.
She shared, “He doesn’t even acknowledge his son. My sister-in-law is still recovering, no thanks to him, but has welcomed a baby girl in the past year, and she is an amazing mom. The term ‘bad blood’ is an understatement.”
Anxiety Attacks and Final Decisions
Because she knew all sides of the story, OP suffered from anxiety for months. In the end, the weekend before this story was posted, she decided to opt out of the wedding and stay with the kids so her second sister and parents could go.
She also discussed this with her husband, who said she has the go signal to “work on the day of the wedding.”
Offering Solutions
When the soon-to-be bride learned about OP’s decision, she “lost it” and decided to have someone else drive their parents. She asked OP to come, but OP was firm in her decision.
She wrote, “I told her no, my older sister wants to go. I’d rather her there, anyway, as if one of our parents falls or something, she knows what to do.”
There’s No Point!
OP’s third sister accused her of being “selfish.” But OP was holding her ground, saying she “didn’t see the point” in going to an event that half of the family—the kids—would be missing.
Her sister said it “shouldn’t matter” to her since she doesn’t have any kids.
Words She Can’t Take Back
At this point, OP was also frustrated. She told her sister the kids would be “better company” than her and firmly said she refused to attend her wedding.
OP shared, “Even if the kids have a babysitter, which my sister is now offering to pay for, I wouldn’t go.”
Mixed Reactions
There were mixed reactions from OP’s family members.
She wrote, “My oldest sister says I’m in the right. The second sister says she feels really bad. Our parents aren’t really acknowledging the situation. I think they just want to see their daughter get married.”
The Community’s Suggestions
Before OP added her edit about her future brother-in-law, people called her out for being a jerk.
A top commenter wrote, “You’re the a**hole. The point is it’s her wedding. She can have a child-free wedding if she wants. You don’t have to go, and neither does your sister, but acting like you have to babysit instead of going to your sister’s wedding just tells her you don’t care about her.”
“OP just radiates hatred. I always go for you’re the a**hole when people make decisions based on hatred. It doesn’t help anyone and just causes more conflicts,” wrote another user.
Contradicting Thoughts
However, with the edits, the scales are evening—albeit slightly.
One Redditor said, “I feel like this information needed to be in the post. This comment definitely needs to be seen; it adds a lot of context. The future brother-in-law sounds like a monster. I don’t think I could support my sister marrying that.”
Then, this user said, “There is a profound difference between being child-free and being gleeful that your infant son has died. F****** yikes to that guy.”
Do you think OP was being selfish? Would you go to the wedding if you were a relative who knew what had happened in the past?
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This post first appeared as She Refused to Attend Her Sister’s Child-Free Wedding, Saying She’d Rather Babysit Her Nieces and Nephews. She Feels There’s “No Point” in Attending, but She’s Now Labeled a “Selfish” Jerk! on Quote Ambition.
