This woman thought she and her husband were on the same page regarding kids. But now, it seemed everything shattered before her eyes when her husband came clean about his honest thoughts!
A Serious Decision
OP (Original Poster) had always known she wanted to be child-free since she was “a child herself.” Because of this, it’d been challenging for her to find a partner with the same plans.
She said that eventually, all her relationships ended when the guy realized she was serious about her decision.
A Match Made in Heaven
So, when OP started dating her now-husband and realized they wanted the same thing, it was “an amazing feeling.”
She shared, “We have been together for 12 years, married for 3. Happy 12 years.”
An Interracial Couple
OP then shared how she and her husband are an interracial couple. Her husband is White, while she is Brown.
A One-Year-Old Nephew
Then, she went on to explain how her husband’s sister hosted a birthday party for her 1-year-old a month before this story was posted.
When OP and her husband got home, they talked about their nephew, gushing about him.
A Blonde Kid
Then, her husband told her she’d “never have a blonde child anyway.” OP thought it was a no-brainer.
She said, “I mean, duh! I know how genetics work.”
The Truth
During this conversation, OP learned about her husband’s real reasons for wanting to be child-free.
She said her husband thought the child would be “mixed” and not have “blonde” hair like the rest of his family. OP wrote, “He and his family are blonde—Scandinavian blonde.”
Avoiding Discrimination
OP was completely and utterly dumbfounded by what her husband said.
He further explained and said he didn’t want their kids to be “discriminated against.”
What Difference Does It Make?
She became completely silent; then, her husband pulled her toward him.
OP wrote, “He told me what difference it made, what his reasoning was since the goal is the same. The bottom line is that we don’t want children.”
I Don’t Know What to Think
OP doesn’t know how to wrap her head around her discovery.
She asked, “If he is right, then why am I so heartbroken? Heartbroken about my nonexistent babies?”
Insights From Redditors
Some users didn’t understand what was happening either.
This user asked, “So, was he willing to have kids before you two met? Would he have kids with a White woman?” To this, OP said, “Now I think so, yeah. Before, I just thought he was like me. Just didn’t want children.”
What Would Happen Next?
People were also concerned about OP’s husband changing his mind—about kids, OP, their relationship, and more.
This person said, “Important to consider then if, in the future, he will decide he wants kids, will he kick you to the curb to go find a white blonde lady to have a baby with? Think about the long term—5, 10, 20 years. Child-free is a committed belief. Child-free only because the baby won’t be the genetic ideal can be solved by replacing the partner.” Then, OP said she wasn’t worried about her husband leaving her; she wrote, “He had a vasectomy about 10 years ago because I can’t take contraceptives, so I’m not sure he really wants children. I’m not worried he would leave me. People leave each other for all different reasons. I’m worried that I want to leave because of his way of thinking, which I found to be very hurtful.”
You Have a Right to Leave
The community also explained that if OP were to leave, she absolutely had all the right to do so.
“I’m White, and my wife is Black, and she would absolutely divorce me if I came out with something like what your husband said to you. You’re well within your rights to consider leaving. His reasoning of not wanting your hypothetical children to be discriminated against sounds like a flimsy fig leaf covering up some really ugly racism, and it makes sense that you wouldn’t be able to see him or your relationship in the same way after hearing it,” said one man.
Making Her Vulnerable
People also said that OP’s husband put her in a vulnerable position, allowing her to second-guess herself and their relationship.
One Redditor said, “This guy has really put her in a very vulnerable emotional state of second-guessing their entire 12 years. Whew! Twelve years. I pray her next move is her best move.” Another commented, “It is hurtful. The implication is, ‘I may have wanted kids, but not with you because your genetic makeup would cause a painful life for the child.’ I hope you are able to talk about it with him. Otherwise, this might fester and evolve into something bigger. Good luck to you.”
Racism Is Rampant
Then, some users noted that racism isn’t just rampant in America; it’s present worldwide.
This Redditor said, “Dude, you think racism in America is bad? Europeans have perfected the practice. It’s wild how open they are with it.” Another wrote, “The French see anyone who isn’t French as inferior. And the Parisians see anyone who doesn’t live in Paris as inferior, even their fellow Frenchmen in the country. The Japanese are similar. Many mono-cultures are that way. In the USA, city people call country people ‘hicks.’ Country people call city people ‘city slickers.’ Humans judge anyone who isn’t like them. It’s built into us until we learn differently.”
Do you feel for OP? What advice would you give her?
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This post first appeared as She and Her Husband Are Child-Free by Choice, but She Recently Learned He’d Be Open to One if She Were White. He Doesn’t Want Mixed-Race Kids, and Now She’s Heartbroken! on Quote Ambition.
