Upon hearing the great news, she bought the expensive chair her friend always wanted as a wedding gift. Now that it’s been canceled, she wants her money back!
The Snake in Their Garden
OP’s (Original Poster) friend broke up with her fiancé a month before their wedding because she found him cheating with another woman.
Don’t Worry, I’m Here
It was a huge mess, and OP felt awful for her and has been supportive through everything.
For the past 15 years or so of OP’s life, her friend has been one of the closest to her and is basically a sister.
Once in a Lifetime
Because of that, when OP discovered her friend was engaged at the beginning of 2023, she wanted to give her a genuine and special wedding gift.
OP’s friend has always been into interior design and desired an Eames lounge chair for a long time. OP found the item for $4,500, a good deal, so she got it for her friend.
OP’s actually lucky that she could afford such a thing, but it was still quite a lot.
Stealing Her Joy
When OP told her friend about the gift, she cried and was extremely grateful. But now that the wedding’s off, OP’s unsure of what she should do.
She said, “I could still use that money if I were to get it back.”
To Return or Not to Return?
Now, she’s wondering if it would be rude to her friend to return the chair or at least pay her back for it. OP feels as if she would be such an “a**hole” for doing so, but some other friends who aren’t close to her told her to return it so OP can get her money back.
Refunds Have Limits
Since OP’s friend is going through a lot at the moment, OP doesn’t want to press her too much. However, OP was only allowed to return the chair within 90 days, and she bought it in the middle of September 2023.
It’s Fine, but It’s Not
To be honest, it’s okay with OP if she never sees her money again. Still, $4,500 is a nice amount that OP would be happy to get her hands on.
The Gift of the Century
Even then, OP never asked her friend to do anything, saying she could keep the chair. But if she ever decides to get married again, maybe OP will just buy her some nice chocolate.
Redditors’ Points of View
Normally, gifts given to canceled weddings are returned to those who gave them, but people advised OP not to ask or at least be careful in asking for the chair back.
The top commenter wrote, “She should return it, but you would be an a**hole to ask.”
Another person said, “It is absolutely standard etiquette that if the wedding is canceled, then the gifts are returned. However, you might want to choose your moment with care and tact. Not the a**hole, though.”
Don’t Make the First Move
If only emotions and their close relationship weren’t factors, OP would be fine to ask her friend to return the chair. But given what OP’s friend experienced, it would be better for her just to wait for the woman to initiate.
A Redditor said, “I think your feeling that you would be the a**hole is exactly correct. From a purely transactional point of view, you are not the a**hole for asking for it back. If we were all emotionless robots, I’d say go for it. However, from a friendship and emotional point of view, certainly, you will be the a**hole if you do ask. She’s very close to you and going through a very difficult time in her life. This would be the last thing she needs and will probably drive a wedge in your relationship. She also really loved the gift!”
The same person added, “Let her keep the chair, and if she approaches you wanting to return it, then take some time to consider it. Consider the money gone. Money comes and goes. Quality friendships, on the other hand, maybe once in a lifetime.”
What’s Done Is Done
Some Redditors don’t see the point of OP wanting the gift returned when she was the one who gave it in the first place.
Someone said, “I don’t think you should ever give a gift you would expect to get back under certain circumstances. I can see in the case of a family heirloom engagement ring where the other person is the one to break the engagement that you could expect them to give it back, but that’s the only circumstance I can really see an expectation of giving the gift back being reasonable. Yeah, it is wedding etiquette to give gifts back if the wedding is called off, but the gift giver shouldn’t really expect that or ask for it.”
Next Time, Just Don’t
People told OP to take this situation as a lesson and stop showing off the next time she gives a present.
A commenter wrote, “You would be the a**hole for giving a gift with conditions. Some couples divorce a year later, a month later. Some spouses die. Would you still ask for your chair back? Maybe let this be a lesson in how you don’t have to show off with gift giving. If you can truly afford it, you wouldn’t wish for it back. The woman must be going through hell. Let her keep the chair, for Christ’s sake.”
Someone else said, “You’re the a**hole. A gift is a gift. It has nothing to do with your financial situation. You should not have spent so much money if you couldn’t afford it. On top of all of her heartbreak, you’re going to demand the gift back?”
Do you think OP’s friend should return the chair? If you were OP, what would you do?
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This post first appeared as She Considered Taking the $4,500 Gift Back From the Bride After Cancelling the Wedding. She Got Cheated On, and Now She Wants Her to Return the Chair She’s Long Desired! on Quote Ambition.