OP (Original Poster) knew what it was like to be desperate for help. But when his uncle asked him to help financially, he refused, and we think he deserved it!
OP is 17, and his mom had him when she was very young. Because his maternal grandparents were “strictly religious,” they disowned her soon after OP was born.
Most of her relatives cut off contact with her, too.
His Mom’s Struggles
With this, OP’s mom struggled a lot in her life. OP wrote, “She worked a lot and saved money for me to go to medical school, which has been my dream since I was 11.”
No Help in Sight
Sadly, no one extended a helping hand.
OP said that when his mom got sick, and they were about to be homeless, OP’s uncle, his mom’s brother, Frank, “refused to take them in.”
OP clearly remembers his uncle’s excuses. He told them that his wife was sick and had “no room” for OP and his mom.
Instead, OP’s mom’s friend took them in and got them back on their feet.
Losing His Mom
OP, unfortunately, lost his mom six months before this story was posted. His mom only trusted one of her friends, so she’s been the one handling OP’s inheritance.
However, she told OP that Frank had recently reached out to her.
In Need of Money
Frank was asking about the inheritance his sister left for OP. OP wrote, “He told her his wife’s dealing with medical issues, and he asked if I could help pay for her surgery.”
A Serious Conversation
When asked about the money, OP’s mom’s friend had Frank visit OP himself. When he did, OP told him that he “didn’t feel comfortable” about him taking money from his college fund.
After all, his mom worked hard to save the money for him so he could have a promising future.
However, Frank “complained” to OP about his current financial situation. He then reminded OP of how he “never approved” of what their parents did to OP’s mom.
Frank then tried going the emotional route, saying that he and OP’s mom were close.
A Polite but Firm Refusal
Even with Frank’s words, OP remained firm in his decision and “politely said no.”
OP wrote, “He started begging, saying he already tried every option out there and all he needs now is some financial help or a loan from me, and he’ll pay me back shortly.”
Not Giving In
OP, however, was not giving in. He refused Frank’s request again, but Frank started having a breakdown.
He said he started “crying about wanting to help his wife but feeling helpless.”
Frank then tried emotionally blackmailing OP by bringing his mom into the problem. He told OP to “think about what his mom would want him to do.”
OP was uncomfortable with Frank’s requests and went to his room to block him out.
Frank left, but he didn’t stop pressuring OP. He got his number from OP’s friend at school and started calling him about this issue nonstop.
He was also pressuring OP, saying he had the “ability” to help out his “aunt.” However, he’s choosing not to and refusing to help.
Frank also got their other relatives involved, and they started visiting OP to discuss the issue.
OP wrote, “I feel a mix of guilt and frustration right now. My mom’s friend said it was up to me whether I wanted to help the family. Am I the a**hole for refusing to give him money from my inheritance?”
Redditors’ Thoughts and Suggestions
Redditors told OP that he doesn’t owe Frank or his wife anything.
A top commenter wrote, “Tell him you’ll give him the same amount of help he gave you and your mom when she was sick. None. Not the a**hole.” Another person wrote, “He asked what your mom would want? Um, the audacity! Also, she very clearly wanted OP to have that money for himself or for his future. OP, I’m so sorry you have to be out through this while you are grieving. Block him and tell him if he continues to harass you while you’re mourning a loss, you’ll make a police report.”
Your Mom Wouldn’t Want Him to Have Your Money
Some users also reassured OP that the inheritance is his. They said that if his mom wanted her brother to get a sum, then she’d make him one of the beneficiaries.
“If your mom wanted him to have her money, she would’ve put him in her will. She didn’t. Not the a**hole,” wrote one user. This person commented, “Not the a**hole, OP, but your mom’s friend is for prompting you to meet him in the first place. She helped place unneeded pressure on your shoulders when your mom trusted her to look out for you. It is horrible that he’s having to deal with this, but he is also the a**hole for pressuring a grieving teenager.”
What advice would you give OP? Should he give in?
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This post first appeared as He Refused to Help His Uncle Finance His Wife’s Surgery. He Turned His Back on Him When He Was on the Verge of Homelessness, so He Doesn’t Deserve His Compassion! on Quote Ambition.