After remarrying, her ex-husband failed to support their children and pay his share of bills. This is so irresponsible of him, and she needs to set things straight!
OP (Original Poster) has been divorced from her ex-husband for six years and has full custody of her two sons, ages nine and six. Although their relationship didn’t end on good terms, they managed to keep things civil in front of their kids.
A Manipulating Cheater
Their marriage ended because of her ex-husband’s infidelity, and what made it worse was his “subtle” threat that if things escalated in court, he would pull some strings to get custody of their kids. Luckily, that didn’t happen.
OP wrote, “He’s a lawyer with lots of connections, and I know he can do it, so I hate the feeling of living at ‘his gracious mercy.’”
Their settlement was that OP’s ex-husband would pay for their sons’ school fees, and OP would pay the full rent of the house, which she could afford comfortably at the time. She also had her own car, so she didn’t take his, and their children stayed with her while he visited on weekends.
OP added, “He sent them a monthly allowance that was used for clothes, going out, school supplies, sports, and mostly fun expenses, while I paid for groceries and gas.”
A New Home for Everyone
After their divorce, OP’s ex-husband moved into a new neighborhood better than the one they lived in, and then he found them a house in a close family-friendly area. Compared to their original rent, their new place was more expensive, but OP and her ex-husband agreed to pay half each.
Avoiding His Duty
When her ex-husband remarried, he told OP that paying for his share in most months would be difficult. However, it soon turned out that OP paid the rent for every month—all on her own.
She said, “This has put a lot of stress on money for me, and I barely save any money during the month, if at all.”
Since her ex-husband has gotten married, he has also cut the money he sends to their sons in half. OP talked to her ex-husband many times, saying if he has no plans to send the same amount he usually does, he should let OP know so she can adjust and sort her finances accordingly.
Making Mom the Villain
Lately, as of posting this, OP’s ex-husband has been promising their sons a new room for each of them, then would go back to his words, saying, “Your mom doesn’t think it’s a proper time to get the room now.” He would even promise them a summer trip during their break only to tell them, “Your mom doesn’t approve.”
A Humiliating Reason
When OP confronted him about the matter, he admitted that he was embarrassed to tell their kids that he didn’t have the money to keep his promises. That’s because, for the third time that year, OP’s ex-husband’s wife wants to redecorate their house.
Sort Your Priorities
All that, as well as OP’s sons treating her differently or not being as happy to be around her as before, made her snap at her ex-husband the last time he called her. She’s simply tired of her being the villain in all of this!
She wrote, “If he didn’t spend all his money on his wife, he’d know how to pay for his kids.”
With that, he told her that his household finances are “none of her business,” which is true. He even said that she’s “ungrateful” for the money he sends and that she’s “selfish” to ask for more.
OP wrote, “As if that money is spent on me and not his boys!”
To Keep His Word
OP couldn’t care less about her ex-husband’s spending habits. Still, she just wants him to do his part and keep his promises.
She wants him to stop giving false promises to their children and then blame it on her whenever he breaks them.
Eventually, OP talked to her kids, saying it was not her who disapproved of their dad’s promises; instead, it was him who may be having trouble with money. He can’t get them their rooms, and he only told them it was because of OP’s disapproval so they wouldn’t be upset.
OP added, “Though I tried to refrain from using the words ‘lie’ or anything like that as I don’t want them to dislike the only man figure in their life from such a young age.”
What Redditors Have to Say
Many people suggested OP go back to court and get her ex-husband to pay child support as it is his responsibility.
The top commenter wrote, “Go to court and get court-ordered child support!”
Another person said, “Not the a**hole. If you have full custody, he has to pay child support no matter what his wife wants to do. It sounds like time to go back to court.”
Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve
Redditors agreed with OP’s sentiments; however, they think her comment about her ex-husband’s finances was unnecessary. They said that confronting him in another way would’ve been better.
One Redditor said, “Not the a**hole. You stated what you believed to be obvious, but your comment was out of emotion and didn’t necessarily have to be said. If anything, your ex is going to tell his current wife and just make her mad. I think you could have done better by just going through the legal process of forcing him to financially provide his portion for his children instead of taking his word. He clearly isn’t a man of his word.”
Move Out and Move On
According to the Reddit community, OP and her kids should move out of their current house and find a place she can afford. They said keeping contact with her husband only leads to a stressful life.
A commenter wrote, “Tell your ex that he needs to stop blaming you every time he breaks his promises to his children. Also, record this and let your attorney know. Also, start looking for somewhere cheaper to live, as you know that your ex is only going to give you less and less money. His wife is obviously more important than his agreement with you and your children.”
Someone else said, “Find yourself a home you can afford on your own. You deserve to live without the stress. His word means nothing, so neither should his preferences. Counseling for your boys can help you all navigate this. Best of luck to you and your boys.”
What should OP do now? Do you have any suggestions?
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This post first appeared as She Demanded Her Ex-husband Stop Spending Money on His New Wife So He Could Provide for Their Kids. But Now He Says She’s “Ungrateful” and “Selfish” for Asking for More! on Quote Ambition.