A woman and her husband have split finances, and it’s been working great. Now the issue is that she wants to buy her son a new Tesla but refuses to buy cars for her stepchildren.
Not the First Time
OP (Original Poster) and her husband got married with a prenup in place. They each agreed to be responsible for their own kids since they each were bringing children into the relationship.
A Financial Split
OP’s husband had been in a bad relationship where his ex had “milked him for money.” She also liked the idea of separate finances since he had two children, and she only had one.
They decided they’d do a 40/60 split, with her husband covering 60% and her 40%, given the number of kids they each had.
OP admitted that their arrangement did seem like that of roommates, not a married couple, but she couldn’t have been happier. She never had to worry about him wasting money because it wasn’t her money he was wasting.
OP also liked that she could get sushi without being nagged for it. When she was growing up, OP’s parents always fought about money and nitpicked each other over the littlest thing, which made her even happier with her arrangement.
When OP and her husband married, she had been in graduate school while he worked in finance. Their situation did change when her career started flourishing after school, and he lost his job and had to take a position for 50% less money.
Coming of Age
OP’s son would be 15 soon and had asked her for a Tesla Model 3. She said he deserved it, so she intended to get him the vehicle.
Trouble in Paradise
OP’s husband had come up to her when he found out because her son had been bragging, excited about the car. He was upset and said his children were heartbroken because they don’t have cars and won’t be getting any vehicles.
Switch It Up
This led OP’s husband to propose they change their deal and split the bills 80/20, with her paying the largest share. With his pay cut and his ex-wife still getting child support, he couldn’t live his previous lifestyle.
You Want What?
OP’s husband also asked her to buy cars for her stepchildren as a Christmas present. OP told him he was “out of his mind.”
He had always complained about his ex-wife using him for money and making him pay all the bills, which is precisely what he was trying to do to her.
Not the Kids
OP wanted to make clear that she got along well with her stepchildren, and it wasn’t about them. She was supportive and acted as much as she could, like their mother, attending events and sports, planning their birthday parties, and being a positive role model for them.
Her stepchildren were also fully aware of their arrangement and that it was on their father to provide cars and college for them while she took care of her biological son. They were disappointed because all their friends were getting cars from their dads, and this made her husband even more upset, as his pride was hurt.
First World Problems
OP didn’t feel like cars and college were necessities, and if her husband wanted to provide them, he should “step up to the plate” and “get a better job” or get off her back.
Sadly, what ended up happening is that he is no longer talking to her.
Turn About and Fair Play
OP didn’t feel bad for him, though, because when he had made more money, their split wasn’t a problem. Now that she had made more money, it had become an issue, which she felt was a little unfair to her and her son since they couldn’t afford much extra before her new job.
What Redditors Have to Say
Redditors were quick to jump to OP’s defense and believed that she was doing the right thing.
A Redditor summed up the situation well by saying, “Not the a**hole. You’re just following the original agreement. He is the one coming up with changes that will benefit him. When you were broke, did he not think that one day it could be him? Just be prepared for relationship changes if he continues this way.”
Another drove the point about her husband home further, saying, “Not the a**hole. And you’ve made super fair points about how he was fine with the split when he was making more. I don’t see why you should have to finance his lifestyle now. But I don’t see how you two are going to maintain your marriage at this point unless your husband comes around and is back to being fine with the original agreement.”
A Serious Test
Most Redditors cautioned OP that no matter how this turned out, there would be relationship difficulties.
In the words of one Redditor, “So he was fine with your son being treated differently to his children when you got together, but now he wants them to be equal. The tone of the relationship was set. It’s a little hypocritical now that the shoes are on the other foot. Think he needs a new lawyer to look at why he’s paying so much for child support if they live with you, not the a**hole. Hope your son enjoys his car.”
Do you think OP is correct to stand her ground and not get her stepchildren’s cars? Should she cave into the pressure her husband is putting on her?
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This post first appeared as She Refused to Buy Her Stepchildren’s Cars, Although She’s Gifting Her Own Son a Tesla. Now Her Husband’s Demanding They “Rethink Their Finances,” but She Won’t Allow Him to “Milk Her for Money!” on Quote Ambition.