This Redditor wants to know if it was wrong and unfair of him to leave most of his assets to his biological daughter while leaving his stepchildren with only a few thousand.
Blended Family
OP (Original Poster) married his wife two decades ago, and she brought her two kids from her previous relationship with her. One is now a 30-year-old man, and the other is a 27-year-old woman.
He and his wife also had a child of their own, who’s a 19-year-old woman.
Primary Breadwinner
OP shared that their setup had always been that he was the primary breadwinner, while his wife would be a stay-at-home mom to raise all three kids. When they moved out of the house, OP’s wife continued to run the place.
He also said that he’s more than happy with their current arrangement.
Assets and Finances
Most of the couple’s joint assets came from OP’s income, as his wife didn’t work and went into the marriage without her own assets.
Inheritance From Her Ex-husband
OP and his wife know that her ex-husband had a lot of money, which OP’s stepkids would probably inherit if the funds weren’t squandered. His stepchildren’s paternal grandmother and other family members are still in the picture, and they have a possible inheritance that might be passed down.
His Biological Daughter
On the flip side, his biological daughter would not benefit from that inheritance since it would come from his stepchildren’s father’s side. She would only benefit from the inheritance that OP would leave her.
He said there are “no other relatives in the picture that could support her or leave additional inheritance money.”
Living a Will
Considering everything, OP, with the support of his wife, decided to give a larger portion of his inheritance or assets to his biological daughter.
He shared, “For example, if my wife and I died in an accident tomorrow, we would be leaving about $900,000 in assets to 19F and $25,000 each to 27F and 30M.”
It’s Fair the in the Long Run
To defend his decision, he reiterated that his biological daughter would have “no family support, thus relying entirely on the inheritance money.” On the other hand, his stepchildren would still have other family members to support them.
He explained, “If ex-husband died tomorrow, 27F and 30M are likely to receive $250,000 each in assets, if not more, and will still have us to help support them when needed, as we currently do.”
That’s Unfair!
OP and his wife decided to discuss this with his stepchildren. When they talked about it, they emphasized that they’d receive an inheritance from their biological dad and potentially others on his side of the family.
However, the two didn’t take it well and “determined this was unfair.” They said that the money should be split evenly between the three of them.
Would My Biological Child Get Anything?
Upon hearing what his stepchildren said, he retorted and asked them if they thought their other sibling would get anything from their father’s inheritance. They said no because he’s not her father.
Their Father Figure
OP ended his post by mentioning that his stepchildren look up to him and consider him their father figure, even if he wasn’t their real dad.
So, he asked if he was the a**hole in this scenario.
The Community’s Take on the Matter
People don’t think OP was wrong, but there might have been ways to avoid conflict in the family.
One commented, “Not the a**hole, but I see no reason why you ever should’ve discussed it with the three kids in the first place. You and your wife are in agreement. Why ask the kids for their opinion, especially since you’re only in your 50s?”
Another replied, “I don’t think it’s to get their opinion; I think it’s so everyone is on the same page in case anything happens. Deaths can tear a family apart, especially when there are ‘surprises’ in the will. I think it’s smart, even if the stepkids didn’t like what they heard.”
The Right Decision
Some Redditors also reassured OP that he did the right thing to avoid possible fallouts in the family. A user who had a similar experience shared that he got into a conflict with his half-siblings because their parents didn’t explain the reason for the will.
He wrote, “This is exactly what happened to me because my parents didn’t discuss the logic of their decision with my half-siblings, which was almost the exact same scenario as the OP. The half-siblings haven’t spoken to us in years since the will was read. All over $30,000. When the parents are no longer around to explain the reasons, people fill in the gaps with their own resentment and ideas of favoritism. Having lived this hell, OP did the right thing.”
You’re Avoiding Future Problems
The community also said that if OP and his wife didn’t tell the older kids about the will, they might pressure their younger half-sister in the future.
One wrote, “If they didn’t find out until after the parents died, they’d be having this fight with the sister and trying to pressure her to give up part of her inheritance. It’s best that they’re being made aware of it now so they can have this fight with the parents.”
Blinded by Greed?
One also pointed out that OP’s stepchildren seem quite greedy, given what happened.
“Not the a**hole, OP. Going to say the stepkids are the a**holes since they want to have their cake and eat it, too, by wanting most of your money and refusing to share theirs with your daughter. They sound greedy,” said one user.
Do you agree with this statement? What do you think OP should do?
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This post first appeared as He Decided to Will $900,000 of His Assets to His Biological Daughter and Leave His Stepchildren With Almost Nothing. They Think It’s “Unfair,” but We Believe He’s Right! on Quote Ambition.
