A woman’s sister-in-law was furious when she found out her husband’s parents wouldn’t be giving her daughter a college fund. So, she did all she could to make things happen her way!
OP (Original Poster) is 32 and has a daughter named Isla, who’s 5 years old. OP also has a 37-year-old brother, Ben, who has a 32-year-old wife, Candace.
Candace has a seven-year-old daughter, Kaylee, with her ex, who’s not in their lives. When Kaylee was four, Ben and Candace got married.
Their Family Dynamics and Rules
Ben cares a lot about Kaylee, but Candace takes care of her daughter’s financial needs and makes all the decisions regarding parenting. It is the arrangement that the couple has agreed on, and no one ever questioned it.
Reciprocating Their Feelings
On the other hand, OP’s parents aren’t fond of Candace. They are still polite toward her and are happy that their son, Ben, is happy; even so, no one in the family has completely warmed up to her.
There’s no particular reason for that, and Candace isn’t fond of Ben’s family either. Aside from that, Ben and Candace live a few states away, so they rarely see each other.
Then, when OP’s daughter, Isla, was born, her parents started a college fund for her. OP told them not to do such a thing since she and her husband were already saving enough money for her education and trust fund.
OP reassured them, saying she would be “fully financed.”
Just Let Us Be
Although she tried to reason with them that they were 100% secure financially, her parents still insisted and told her that they would like to pay for Isla’s college. They told OP that she and her husband could add the money they had saved for their daughter’s college to her trust instead.
Since it is very important to her parents, OP and her husband could do nothing but agree.
Why Are You Singling Her Out?
However, issues started to arise when Candace learned about Isla’s college fund. Realizing her daughter didn’t have anything, she started getting livid!
In her mind, OP’s parents “owe” Kaylee a college fund since “she is their granddaughter, too.” But OP said, “For better or worse, my parents don’t see it that way.”
Forcing Her In-Laws
Then, OP found out that Candace called her parents about it and even asked Ben to pressure them to provide money for Kaylee. This worsened everything, and again, her parents wouldn’t budge!
Just Let Her Have Her Share!
Since that didn’t work, Candace called OP, saying she should ask her parents to use Isla’s fund for Kaylee since they don’t need the money. Candace even told OP that she should, “at the very least,” commit to using the money for Kaylee when the time comes.
No Betrayal’s Happening Here
However, OP doesn’t think it would be right for her to take the money from her parents in “bad faith” and use it against their wishes. She also doesn’t think it’s right to take something from her daughter that is of great value and importance to her grandparents just because someone else feels “entitled” to it.
OP wrote, “I said all this to Candace, and she hasn’t contacted me since. However, some relatives have said since I wouldn’t miss the money, I should think about contributing at least some of the money to Kaylee’s education.”
The Community’s Reactions
OP’s not the a**hole, according to Redditors. They also think that since Candace decided to take care of her daughter’s financial needs, she has no reason to demand it from Ben’s parents.
A Redditor wrote, “Not the a**hole. It’s odd that she doesn’t want her husband to contribute financially to her daughter, but she expects his family to.”
Another one said, “Ben isn’t allowed to make parenting decisions or financially support his stepdaughter, but his parents are supposed to fund her education and treat her like a granddaughter when it benefits her? That’s not how it works. It’s basically like expecting a stranger to save thousands on your behalf.”
That Must Be the Reason
Someone also said that Candace has shown her true colors, and it’s clear why OP’s family doesn’t like her sister-in-law.
A commenter wrote, “Not the a**hole because we now know why your parents don’t like her greedy, entitled self. How embarrassing for her.”
What an Entitled Sister-In-Law!
Many people also pointed out that Candace was extremely entitled to expect her husband’s parents to give money to her daughter, who’s not blood-related or close to them.
“Okay, Candace sounds a bit entitled to expect that her estranged parents-in-law will pay for her child from a previous relationship with which they have no biological and, as it sounds, emotional connection with. Then, to put OP in a position to basically betray her parents and try and get her husband on her side, pretty much forcing him to pick a side. The a**hole. OP is the least a**hole of them all,” one Redditor said.
They’ve Got Plenty of Time
Some people said Kaylee doesn’t need a college fund now and that Candace and Ben still have a lot of time to save for it.
A commenter wrote, “Well, it’s a good thing Kaylee is only seven. Unless she’s some kind of mutant super genius, she won’t be going to college for another 10 years at least. Plenty of time for Candace and Ben to start a college fund.”
Not Their Obligation to Do So!
Redditors also said that it isn’t OP’s parents’ responsibility to provide for Candace’s daughter, and since it is their money, they can do anything they want with it.
“Your parents don’t ‘owe’ Kaylee a d*** thing. They can do what they want with their money. People can argue if, depending upon a given situation, it’s an a**hole thing for grandparents to give money to one and not the other, but they do not ‘owe’ anyone anything. And Candace is an a**hole for coming to you asking to take money away from your daughter, especially since that goes directly against your parents’ wishes,” someone wrote.
What do you think? What would you do if you were OP?
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This post first appeared as She Refused to Give Her Daughter’s College Fund to Her Step-Niece. Her Entitled Sister-In-Law Kept Insisting Her Parents “Owed” Their “Granddaughter” Money, but She’ll Never Betray Them! Was She Wrong? on Quote Ambition.