She had always wanted to travel and have her own house. With the inheritance, she thinks it’s her chance! However, she’s faced with a dilemma: should she give it up for her sister?
Jewish Traditions
OP (Original Poster) is a 35-year-old woman with Jewish roots, and her last remaining grandmother passed away a month before this story was posted. Her grandmother’s side of the family is Jewish, and in their tradition and culture, giving the inheritance to the grandkids was customary.
Single Mom of Three
OP has a 27-year-old sister who’s a mom of three, and one of her kids has special needs. All her three kids have different dads, and none are in the picture.
She shared, “One is in jail, another was a one-night stand in Vegas and doesn’t even remember his first name, and the other is just an unemployed deadbeat.”
Drowning In Debt
Because she’s a single mom of three, her sister has been drowning in debt. OP mentioned it’s primarily due to medical bills for her nephew with special needs.
Her sister also got fired from multiple jobs due to always having to call out because of her child with special needs and other medical emergencies. OP shared, “She’s months behind on rent, but the landlord hasn’t evicted her because he feels sorry for her.”
A Child-Free Couple
On the other hand, OP and her husband are child-free by choice. She said they weren’t well off but had a “comfortable lifestyle.”
Plans for the Inheritance
She and her husband planned on using OP’s portion of the inheritance for a downpayment on a house and treating themselves to a trip to Europe.
They currently lived in a lovely apartment but always wanted a house of their own.
Her Sister’s Financial State
Because of her financial troubles, OP’s sister would be using her portion of the inheritance to cover some of her debt. She wrote, “She wants to pay off creditors first because they’re threatening to take her to court while the landlord is showing more leniency.”
Family’s Thoughts
OP’s family suggested she give her sister her share of the inheritance because it would cover almost all her debt.
Though her sister wasn’t spending frivolously, her debt kept piling up because of their medical expenses.
She Needs It More
Her family said that her sister’s needs are “more important” and “more urgent” compared to buying a house because OP and her husband are “fine in their apartment.”
However, OP doesn’t feel inclined to help out.
She Needs to Be Accountable
She mentioned that she was no prude or s*** shamer, but her bottom line is that her sister was reckless to have had unprotected s*x with multiple men who, for various reasons, couldn’t or didn’t help her when she got pregnant.
Why Should I Be the One to Sacrifice?
OP doesn’t think she should sacrifice her and her husband’s dream of becoming homeowners because of her sister’s mistakes. She also wanted to live her life and go to Europe to visit places she’s never been before.
She wrote, “I was responsible and think I made good choices, and I don’t think I should have to suffer consequences for her poor decisions.”
Nonstop Needs
OP had already helped her sister out before, but she didn’t want to give in this time. For her, it seems it never stopped.
She shared, “At what point does it end? When do I get to fulfill my dreams? Or do I forever have to flush my dreams down the toilet to keep bailing my sister out of trouble?”
Not My Problem
Her family continued to pester her about the inheritance and told her that though they agreed that OP’s sister didn’t make good decisions, “the children are innocent.”
OP agreed with that statement, but still, she believed she was not responsible for her sister’s reckless life choices. Her kids’ dire situation was also not her fault, nor was it her problem.
I’m Not Shaming Anyone
OP also defended herself against those who are accusing her of s***-shaming.
She said, “I could care less what consenting adults do behind closed doors. Hell, I worked as an exotic dancer to put myself through grad school. My issue is her carelessness with birth control.”
Be Ready to Face the Consequences of Your Actions
OP shared that she doesn’t care “under what circumstances consenting adults have s*x.”
However, she believed it was not okay for someone like her sister to approach others for easy handouts because they couldn’t afford the consequences of their actions.
The Community’s Thoughts
Most Redditors agree with OP and said she was not s***-shaming; she was against her sister’s stupid decisions.
One said, “It’s not s***-shaming. It’s more stupidity-shaming. F*** who you want; just use birth control.”
You Did the Right Thing
Redditors also backed OP up with her decision. They believed the money she inherited was rightfully hers.
“OP mentioned that it’s a Jewish tradition to give grandchildren an inheritance, but I assume OP’s parents and any aunts and uncles also received an inheritance? Tell them to cough up and help out,” suggested one user. Another said, “Why should you be the only one taking care of your sister? If they’re so concerned about her, they should be helping as well since it’s their daughter. Definitely not the a**hole.”
What do you think OP should do? How should she move forward?
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This post first appeared as She Refused to Give Her Inheritance to Her Single Mom Sister Because It’s Her Way to Buy a House and Travel to Europe. She’s Child-Free; Was She Wrong? on Quote Ambition.
