As if having an affair wasn’t enough, now OP’s (Original Poster) in-laws are pressuring her to foster a relationship with her husband’s affair child. She refused, but they kept coming down on her hard!
There was a time in their marriage that OP and her husband unofficially separated. However, during this time, he got their former friend pregnant.
His Affair Baby
Now her husband has a seven-month-old daughter with their former friend.
She shared, “He doesn’t plan to be involved in her life, but he’s currently working with a lawyer to establish paternity because I’m forcing him to do it.”
A Huge Request
OP then shared that the girl’s mother asked if she wanted to meet the baby and introduce her three-year-old son to his little sister. OP, however, adamantly refused this suggestion.
Though her husband respected her decision, OP could not say the same for her in-laws.
She wrote, “My husband’s family on his mother’s side have been very accepting of the baby and her mother, so they’ve been pressuring me to meet her.”
You Need to Establish a Bond
They’ve all been telling OP that her husband’s affair baby is “technically her stepdaughter.” Because of this, they believe that OP should be willing to “help foster a relationship between her and her son,” especially since her husband refused to do so.
That Will Never Happen
OP is understandably at her wit’s end. She was upset and told her in-laws that her son would never have a relationship with her.
Not Giving in to Pressure
Because of the pressure they were giving OP, she became even more adamant about not letting them meet. In effect, her in-laws’ plans backfired on them.
With her refusal, OP’s husband’s family now thinks she’s “some awful b**** who hates a baby” when she didn’t.
OP wrote, “It also doesn’t help that my husband has cut off financial help to that side of his family because they made me cry.”
No longer getting any financial help from OP’s husband made them “hate her more.”
She wrote, “We had a good relationship before all of this, so I feel crap, and I’m wondering if I’m an a**shole.”
What Redditors Think
Users reassured OP that her feelings are valid and her husband’s affair baby is not her responsibility.
This user said, “Not the a**hole. Sounds like you’re getting blamed for a lot of your husband’s poor choices. I feel for the baby, but that’s not your responsibility.” Another Redditor wrote, “Agreed. That baby is your son’s half-sister, not your daughter—anything. You owe nothing to no one. Let your husband deal with it and get some therapy to help you establish and keep boundaries. For both your sakes.”
Your Husband Is Sketchy
Some people also brought up the fact that her husband might have already been having an affair, even before they separated.
One Redditor wrote, “At best: first chance he got, he jumped into a s***** relationship with someone, a friend at that. My guess is that they were already having an affair. But no matter what, her husband is sketch.” Another said, “He can never be trusted again. I don’t think this is going to end well at all.”
An Unforgivable Act
People pointed out that what OP’s husband did was unforgivable.
“I don’t see how this betrayal, even though they were separated, can ever be truly forgiven. He slept with a mutual friend of theirs, and I assume they didn’t use protection. Very irresponsible of him, and now there are consequences. The wife is a saint for taking him back, and I’m sure he smooth-talked some s*** to make that happen. I agree with you that she probably hasn’t gotten the whole story or the truth about it. I just don’t see this union making it, but I hope I’m wrong if that’s what OP really wants,” wrote one Redditor.
A Bad Parent
Redditors also couldn’t understand why OP would still want to be with her husband when he had an affair and then didn’t want to be responsible for his actions.
A Redditor wrote, “I could never respect a man who refuses to be in his child’s life, regardless of the circumstances of the birth. My marriage would be over because of the betrayal anyway, but I’d see my husband differently as a human being if he even suggested that he abandon an innocent baby that he made. If we stayed together, his taking responsibility for the child while managing the protection of our family unit from further harm by the adults would be the only possible solution.” One person agreed, saying, “Same here. Anyone who casts off a child is a dirtbag and has bad character.”
She’s Still His Sister
A handful of people also advised OP not to take away his son’s right to decide whether he wanted to meet his sister.
“I understand how painful this is for OP, but this baby is her son’s sister, and he has every right to meet her and have a relationship with her if he wants to. Keeping him away from his sister might damage OP’s relationship with her son,” one user pointed out. Another said, “I didn’t come from the exact same circumstances OP’s kids did, but somewhat similar with the half-siblings. OP’s kids will absolutely resent Mom and Dad if they’re actively keeping them apart. She doesn’t get to say her son will never have a relationship with his sister. She’s got 18 years, and that’s it. I found my siblings as an adult, but we’ll never get all those years kept apart back. If OP isn’t ready to meet her right now, these family members that are involved with both kids could pitch in more and set up these visits.”
What advice would you give OP? What do you think about her husband?
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This post first appeared as She Refused to Introduce Her 3-Year-Old Son to a Baby Her Husband Fathered During an Affair. Now Her In-Laws Are Furious, Accusing Her of “Hating” an Innocent Child! on Quote Ambition.