This user had a long history of her husband thinking he had medical issues. When he told her about the latest problem, she begged him to call the doctor, and he just called her names!
A Shaky Start
OP (Original Poster) has a husband who is a 35-year-old man. He had complained for a week about muscles twitching in his arm and had become convinced that he had ALS.
After a week of complaints, he had come home and told her his mouth was watering. This was a symptom of ALS, an incurable disease that caused degeneration of nerve cells in the spine and brain.
The Truth Will Come Out
Once OP found out about this, she had been concerned and fearful for her husband’s health. She asked him if he would go and see a doctor about it, but that only triggered him.
OP’s husband yelled at her because he said she had no sympathy for him. Furious, she stopped asking him to go to the doctor and immediately walked away from the fight.
Not Their First Rodeo
OP said that her husband had a history of having medical complaints, but he would never do anything about them. Once, he had complained about groin pain for 10 years and wouldn’t go to the doctor.
A Broken Record
Since he had complained for 10 years, OP had stopped showing sympathy. She would ask if he had scheduled a doctor’s appointment, and he never had.
The groin pain issue had climaxed when they had gone hiking three years before this story was posted. After the trip, he laid down on the sofa, complaining about a bulge in his groin, and it took OP “withholding s**” before he would go and see the doctor.
OP wrote, “I immediately knew it was a hernia and told him to make an appointment ASAP.”
An Actual Problem
As it turned out, her husband had massive bilateral hernias. This confirmed to her that he didn’t need sympathy and he needed to go to the doctor when he had a problem.
Tell It to the Doctor!
OP felt like her husband should seek the advice and guidance of an actual doctor. She wasn’t in the healthcare field, but when she would make an appointment for him, he would ignore it or cancel.
She explained, “My sympathy for his health complaints is gone. I feel like he should seek the advice and guidance of a professional if he thinks something is very wrong because I’m as far from being in the medical field as one can get.”
The Past Repeats Itself
Now that OP had heard about his concerns regarding his mouth watering, she asked him if he had made his doctor’s appointment. To no one’s surprise, he said no.
Poking the Bear
OP had to ask her husband why he wouldn’t make a doctor’s appointment if he thought he had a serious degenerative disease. Instead of answering her question, they got into a fight where he called her a “see you next Tuesday” or a “c***” for not having sympathy.
Not Backing Down
However, OP didn’t back down. She told her husband that she didn’t care if he “thought” he had a serious disease.
Instead, what she did care about was that if he did have a serious disease, then they’d tackle it together once there was a diagnosis.
Not This Again
OP didn’t have any interest in coddling or promoting her husband’s “hypochondriac” behavior.
When he finally did go to the doctor, he called her as he was leaving and informed her the doctor thought his symptoms were from COVID-19, but they had done blood work just in case.
A Sensitive Issue
OP had been yelled at and called names, but she couldn’t help but wonder if she was wrong for questioning him when he thought he had a severe medical condition. She also thought he should get some therapy for medical anxiety because he always waited too long before going to the doctor.
What Redditors Say About the Issue
Not all Redditors could pick a side straight off, but most sided with OP after thinking about it for a while.
One noted that her husband had done the same thing, saying, “At first I thought you were the a**hole, but then thinking of the months and months and months of my husband complaining about his teeth and never going to the dentist. Then his tooth started chipping, so he finally went in, and it was worse than he thought it would even be. So, not the a**hole.”
Another Redditor chimed in with a widely held opinion, “Not the a**hole. He wants all the sympathy and care that would go to someone who was seriously ill, without the pesky suffering that would come from having an actual illness. If he goes to the doctor and finds out he’s fine, then he can’t milk it anymore.”
The Case of Medical Fright
Many noted her husband’s behavior would have been insufferable.
One said it best, commenting, “Not the a**hole. Is he afraid of going to the doctor? This behavior would be maddening to live with.”
“Some people just like to complain, and I suspect your husband is one of those. He may have medical anxiety, which I would normally be sympathetic about, but deflecting by calling you s***** names and making it about how you’re not being ‘supportive enough’ cancels that out,” commented another.
Was OP wrong not to show instant sympathy, or did she do the right thing? What would you have done if you were in her place?
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This post first appeared as She Told Her Husband She “Didn’t Care” if He Had an Incurable Disease. She’s Tired of His “Hypochondria” and Wants Him to Stop Victimizing Himself! Was She Being a Jerk? on Quote Ambition.