This user wanted to spend her inheritance on a destination wedding and a charity for endangered LGBTQ youth, but her sister got upset that she was going against her grandmother’s morals!
Traditional Upbringing
OP (Original Poster) is a 30-year-old woman whose grandmother raised her alongside her twin sister, Kate. Their parents had sadly died when they were a mere six years old.
Luckily, their grandmother was there to take them in and was a “kind, generous, and loving” woman. She was also a “devout Christian” who was “firmly against the LGBTQ community.”
Staying in the Closet
On the flip side, OP knew she was gay “from the start.” Though she was sure she wouldn’t gain support from her grandmother, thankfully, she had many good friends and adult figures who helped her.
In fact, when she consulted them, they all agreed she should refrain from telling her grandmother.
Set for Life
Her grandfather had died years ago but had left them a “substantial amount of life insurance money.” OP’s grandmother had used that money to help support OP and her sister.
OP’s grandma then encouraged them to attend college and even offered to pay for it in full.
Blood Is Thicker Than Water
OP and her sister weren’t especially close, but they also weren’t enemies. They simply had different personalities.
Her sister was more similar to their grandmother, so they were closer to each other than OP. OP came out to her sister, Kate, when they were 16 years old, and while Kate disapproved of it, she also never told their grandmother because they had a “silent understanding.”
A Degree Not Used
Kate went on to get a degree from college but then moved back to their hometown and became a stay-at-home mother after meeting her husband and having a kid.
Since she’d moved back to her hometown, Kate also had their grandmother move in to care for her.
Reaching Goals
OP also acquired a degree from college and went on to become a lawyer in a big city. Her grandmother was very proud of this accomplishment but kept pushing for her to “find a husband and have kids” like Kate had.
Hiding the Truth to the End
OP would tell her grandmother that she “hadn’t found the right guy yet” and kept to this story right up until she died. But the truth was, she has a fiancé named Jen, who is a 31-year-old woman that she’s been dating for the past two and a half years.
OP’s grandmother’s health drastically declined in the last three years of her life, and since OP didn’t want to stress her out anymore by “coming out,” she kept it hidden and told her that Jen was just her “best friend.”
Divvying up Money
Once OP’s grandmother passed away, she left her and Kate an “impressive amount of inheritance” that they split 50/50.
Spending Money How They Please
OP planned to spend about $36,000 on her “dream destination wedding” with Jen and another $10,000 on a “perfect honeymoon.”
Her grandmother’s will had also requested that they donate $10,000 to a charity of their choice, so OP had chosen one in her area that helped “endangered LGBTQ+ youths.” The rest of OP’s share of the inheritance would go “toward retirement” and a “down payment on a home.”
Dreams Shattered
She decided to discuss her wedding plans with Kate, who then asked how she “had the funds” for such extravagant desires. OP then confessed that she’d be using her inheritance from their grandmother.
Kate was immediately upset and yelled at OP, saying that while OP had gone off to live a “sinful” life, she had done what any “good granddaughter would” and had taken care of their grandmother and raised a family.
Wanting More Than a Fair Share
Kate continued by saying that she “deserved much more than half the inheritance” since she had a child and had cared for their grandmother the most before her death.
She then mentioned the charity, so OP divulged that she had chosen an “LGBTQ one.”
Disrespecting the Dead
Once Kate heard this, she was infuriated and said that OP was “dancing on her grandmother’s grave” by doing these things with her inheritance when she knew their grandmother would dislike it. She added she wouldn’t be coming to the wedding and then left and has refused to answer any of OP’s phone calls ever since.
Rehashing the Future
OP wasn’t sure if what she’d planned was “insensitive,” so she decided to get advice from her friends. They all told her that since it was her grandmother’s money, if she spent it on something she would’ve hated, it’d be “disrespectful.”
Jen, her fiancé, suggested to OP that maybe she should use the money for something else, and instead, they could save up for their wedding to “keep the peace.” Both OP and Jen have “good jobs,” so it’d be something they could easily accomplish.
No Intended Disrespect
OP noted that she had “liked the idea of this gift from her” since it’d signify a way to “start a new page in life.” She went on to say she had truly loved her grandmother despite their many differences and didn’t want to disrespect her memory.
Steep Expenses
OP returned later to her post to edit an additional note to clarify why her dream wedding would be so expensive, and it was because it’d be a destination wedding to France. Her fiancé’s relatives all live in France and have “various health issues” that would make it nearly impossible to travel to America for the wedding.
So, they decided to hold the wedding in Paris and cover the cost of the guest’s tickets, hotel rooms, etc. Then, the honeymoon money was for some “luxury fun.”
Redditors’ Two Cents
Most in the community were on OP’s side and felt that it was her money now, and she could use it however she wanted.
One user said, “Not the a**hole. Your sister might not like that you’re gay, but let’s be real—she just wants the money. She’s using your s******** as an excuse. Your grandmother’s opinions aside, it isn’t her money anymore. People can talk about it symbolically or spiritually or whatever they want, but the money is in your account. Finally, why would you want your sister at your wedding if the whole time she’d be thinking how ‘sinful’ the whole thing was?”
“Not the a**hole. Now you know what your sister really thinks about you. Do what you want with a clean conscience. It’s your money and your choice,” said another Redditor.
Spend More Wisely
Several Redditors also advised on how OP could spend her money more wisely.
“OP, offer to subsidize travel for your wedding—e.g., ‘If you pay for flights, we’ll pay for accommodation’ or ‘we’ll match dollar for dollar any money put toward coming to our wedding.’ But don’t just blindly pay for people to come. You’ll get unsupportive people who want a free trip,” suggested one user.
Do you think OP should honor her grandmother’s memory and not spend the inheritance on her wedding and chosen charity? Is it OP’s money now, and should she use it how she sees fit?
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This post first appeared as She’s Funding Her Lesbian Wedding Using the Hefty Inheritance She Received From Her “Conservative” Grandmother. Now Her Twin Says She’d Be “Dancing on Her Grandma’s Grave” if She Funded Her “Sinful Life” With It! on Quote Ambition.
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