This Redditor believed her husband was wrong to “steal” food from people who needed it more. So, after multiple failed attempts to stop him, she decided to leave their house for some space!
A Happy and Committed Relationship
OP (Original Poster) and her husband had been together for 17 years, and things have been great between them. Like any other couple, they went through some rough patches but could always rise above each one.
We’re Financially Stable
OP noted that her husband earned more than her and is considered their household’s primary provider. Although that’s the case, OP also had a “substantial” trust fund that ensured they were financially stable.
Better off Than the Rest
She’s a part-time teacher who attended university, which made her earn less than her husband. Her income is also primarily used for her tuition.
Even so, their household income exceeded $200,000 annually, while the average income of other households in their area is around or below $50,000.
Her Husband’s Frugality
It’s clear that OP and her husband don’t have any issues with money. But what she does have is an issue with her husband’s frugality.
OP shared, “He likes to control my spending and have the final say on how he uses his earnings.” However, OP noted that she never used his income on personal things, and she doesn’t intend to do so.
Food Bank Visits
Because of her husband’s frugality, OP noted that he frequently visited food banks. They had more than enough food at home, but her husband insisted on going to food banks “to save more money.”
Going Above and Beyond
To make it look believable, OP’s husband would intentionally look disheveled. He would also use their beat-up, old car to “blend in,” even though he had “never experienced food scarcity.”
I Tried!
OP mentioned that she’d already tried to stop him multiple times. She even explained the “need for food donations in their community” and showed him social media posts from different food banks to open his eyes to reality.
Even so, her husband remains indifferent.
Get a First-Hand Experience
OP even suggested that her husband volunteered or donated to the said food bank so he could gain a first-hand experience of what’s going on in their community. But he declined this again.
The Worst Part
For OP, her husband going to food banks to save money wasn’t the worst part of this whole situation.
She said, “The unfortunate part is that since we’re never short on food, most of what he brings home ends up getting thrown away.”
Confrontations and Indifference
The day this story was posted, OP saw that their refrigerator was filled with fresh produce and meat, not from their regular grocery store. So, she confronted her husband about it again, and he admitted to going to the local food bank after seeing a Facebook post about fresh food donations.
I’ve Had Enough!
OP noted that people on social media were already commenting if any food was left and that there wasn’t. She showed her husband the community’s exchange regarding the topic, hoping he’d realize his mistake.
However, he brushed the comments off and claimed that people should have gone earlier. OP, disappointed and exhausted, packed a bag and stayed with her brother for the weekend; she also told her husband that she needed some “space to think things over.”
Making Her Feel Bad
After their confrontation, OP’s husband accused her of overreacting and being vindictive. He also told her that he would still return to food banks, regardless of OP’s thoughts on the issue.
Relatives’ Thoughts
While OP’s brother supports her decision, OP can’t say the same for her husband’s side of the family. She said, “His family is also messaging me, calling me an a**hole and urging me to stop interfering with his choices.”
She’d turned off her phone to block them out, but now they’re contacting her brother. However, since he supported her decision, he just ignored everyone.
Insights From Redditors
Redditors couldn’t believe OP’s husband’s audacity to do something like this, especially given his current social status.
One said, “Not the a**hole. This is completely unhinged. A man making $200,000 while married to a woman with a trust fund going to a food bank is unacceptable. I couldn’t live like that, and I also couldn’t live with someone controlling how the money was spent. You are absolutely not wrong to want space. I would want permanent space.”
Another replied, “It very likely could be stealing. Most food banks make you sign a paper stating you make under a certain amount to be eligible to use the service, indicating you are in need. If he is providing a false income statement to them in order to be allowed to get food, he is stealing and could, rightly, be in legal trouble for it. If I were OP, I would be thinking about calling in a tip to the food bank. Hopefully, they will just not allow him to get food in the future, but if they look to press charges, he has earned them. What an entitled jerk.”
Trauma or Greed?
Some users debated whether OP’s husband went through a traumatic experience when he was younger or if his actions were powered by just plain greed.
“I imagine there is some kind of food insecurity or trauma around food in the husband’s past that makes him essentially steal food that he doesn’t even need. I’m wondering what his early childhood was like—whether either of his parents was an addict, whether food was readily available, etc. I would make counseling a condition of any return home. He can afford it, and it might help save the marriage. Not the a**hole,” wrote one Redditor.
Another argued, “Some rich people would do this not out of a poverty or trauma mindset but out of a wealth-hoarding mindset. They don’t tip at restaurants, and they always want a bargain. They see their frugality as the virtue that brings them wealth and often perceive poor people as wasteful.”
What do you think of this issue? What should OP do?
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This post first appeared as She’s Had Enough of Her Rich Husband Who Kept Going to Food Banks and Stealing From the Needy. So, She Packed Her Bags and Left. Should She Leave Him Be? on Quote Ambition.
