This Redditor faced her in-laws’ wrath when she refused to give in and spend millions on her mother-in-law’s “errand boy.” Was she a jerk for refusing to offer money?
A Long-Distance Married Couple
OP (Original Poster) is 33, while her husband is 36. They are a long-distance couple, as he currently works abroad.
Whenever he comes home, instead of going out and going on vacations together, they spend time at OP’s husband’s house—at her in-laws’ place.
Mother-In-Law’s Errand Boy
Then, OP went on to explain that two years before this story was posted, Kris, who’s currently 23, was recently dumped by his girlfriend. He’s the son of one of OP’s husband’s relatives living near his home.
Though they’re not closely related, Kris is close to OP’s mother-in-law because he is her “errand boy.”
A Much-Needed Donation
One time, OP’s mother-in-law mentioned that Kris had plans to study abroad, and he hoped to get a “generous donation” from OP. It was “very unexpected,” so she didn’t probe further.
Millions in the Nest
However, the issue was that her mother-in-law knew she and her husband had millions in one account. OP explained that when she got married, her dad gifted her and her husband a joint account with $3,000,000 in it as a “nest egg.”
OP wrote, “We haven’t used it for anything as he was abroad and I was still staying in my home.”
In the next two to three days after OP’s initial conversation with her mother-in-law, she came to understand that she actually wanted OP to give Kris the money for his overseas education. Kris needed around $2,000,000, and they expected at least half of that amount to come from OP.
Her mother-in-law said the money would be spent on Kris’s course fee, travel, accommodations, and more. OP didn’t disagree immediately; instead, she decided to talk to Kris about what his plans were.
Not Too Keen
When OP discussed it with Kris, she discovered he wasn’t keen on studying abroad. OP noted he was “very relaxed” about the whole thing and said that her mother-in-law told him she’d take care of the money.
Kris said he “wasn’t really excited” to do higher studies; he just wanted to show his ex-girlfriend that he was having a good time even though she dumped him.
Change of Plans
Upon her discovery, OP decided not to give Kris a cent. She wouldn’t spend two-thirds of her dad’s life savings for an “immature boy to show off before his ex.”
OP wrote, “Even if any part of me was planning to give him a single penny, after seeing his attitude about the whole thing, I decided against it.”
Go a Different Route!
OP told her mother-in-law about her decision, and she immediately started getting upset and mad at OP. She told her she should check with her dad, as it was his money, but as OP expected, he refused.
OP’s dad suggested that if it meant that much to her mother-in-law, then they could split the costs into three. Her mother-in-law and sister-in-law could pitch in to help Kris.
An Almost Immediate No
However, when this was suggested, OP’s sister-in-law got mad. She said Kris is “irresponsible” and “can’t pay back” the money he’d be borrowing.
She said Kris’s family isn’t well off either. OP noted, “She was awfully silent when it was about giving only my money.”
Too Much Work
Because no one was willing to shell out money for Kris, they all advised him to try to get a student loan. However, Kris refused, saying it was too much work and banks were very complicated.
Ultimately, Kris ended up not going abroad to continue his education.
It’s been two years since the incident with Kris happened, but OP’s mother-in-law can’t get over it.
She wrote, “It’s been two years since this incident, and after this, I have been noticing these typical mother-in-law complaints she is nagging my husband with—that I didn’t reply to her daughter’s texts, or I didn’t take an interest in nephew’s poem recital, or some very childish things like that.”
It’s Your Duty!
OP’s mother-in-law also tells her she should stay at their house and do “all the household chores.” They reasoned that she was their daughter-in-law, and her “duty” was to look after them.
Money Versus Relations
Before this incident occurred, OP noted that they “never had a complaint” about her. So, she feels like she should’ve just given them what they wanted to “get it over with.”
She wrote, “After all, money is not always as important as relations. But even if I go back in time, I don’t think I would have made a different decision.”
No One on Her Side of the Court
Sadly, OP’s husband didn’t take her side in this issue. Though he doesn’t let the “naggings” make their way back to OP, they’d occasionally discuss it.
When they do, he takes his family’s side and says OP’s “not attached” to them, and that’s why she doesn’t understand their perspective. OP wrote, “As I am a single child, they think I lack compassion, and that’s why I didn’t give the money.”
Power of Attorney
In a shocking development, OP explained that her mother-in-law had power of attorney over her husband’s accounts. She expressed her concerns regarding her joint account with her husband, which contained millions of dollars.
She shared, “As he is working abroad, my mother-in-law has a power of attorney over his accounts, and she can also withdraw the money without my knowledge, which is very much making me anxious seeing their aggression these days. I should move it as soon as possible.”
The Community’s Two Cents
People advised OP to take the money out of the joint account as soon as she could. They wouldn’t put it past OP’s mother-in-law—and even her husband—to sneakily get her hands on the money.
A top commenter said, “Not the a**hole. Get this money out of a joint account before it disappears.”
Another user suggested, “I’d almost be tempted to transfer that money back to your dad and then try to sort out your marriage.”
Is He Really Your Husband?
Redditors are also appalled that OP’s mother-in-law had power of attorney over her husband’s accounts. They’re married, so OP should handle her husband’s money.
A Redditor remarked, “So you married a 36-year-old man whose mom is in charge of his money and bank accounts? Do you not realize how extremely pathetic this is? That money was given to you and your husband to spend on yourself. Your mother-in-law promised her family member—and a complete stranger to you—$2,000,000 of your money, and instead of screaming from the top of your lungs that they should f*** off and stay in their lane, you met up with Kris to ask about his future plans and got your dad involved in this absolute bulls*** and madness?”
The same person added, “You really need to grow a spine fast! Because I am in shock reading this. Never knew people could feel so entitled and greedy for other people’s money. You are way too nice, and sadly, it’s gonna bite you in the a** sooner or later. Consider yourself extremely lucky that your mother-in-law hasn’t pulled out any money from that account yet. If she can pull out money without your knowledge, then surely you can do the same? Do it. Fast. That’s your money before it’s her money.”
What do you think of this whole fiasco? What should OP’s next step be?
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This post first appeared as She Refused to Give Her Mother-In-Law $1,000,000 to Fund Her “Errand Boy’s” Overseas Education. Now She’s Nagged at by Her In-Laws and Accused of “Lacking Compassion.” Was She a Jerk? on Quote Ambition.