His mother-in-law was never fond of him and always said something terrible about him. Usually, he’d tolerate it, but when she mentioned his dead mother, he lost it and kicked her out!
An Overbearing Mother-In-Law and Her Defender
OP (Original Poster), a 28-year-old transgender male, has a highly entitled 59-year-old mother-in-law who expects everything to go her way. She also never liked OP because he defended himself from her rude comments.
Sadly, his wife also always defends her mom’s actions. It’s been so consistent that, over time, he’d learned not to let these things bother him.
Just Got Used to It
Aside from OP defending himself, his mother-in-law never liked the fact that her daughter was in a relationship with a transgender male like him. She did, however, learn to “deal with it.”
OP said, “She’s made little snarky comments about it a few times, but I just pushed it off.”
A Nice Family Dinner—or Not!
Then, two days before sharing this story, OP’s wife hosted a dinner for her whole family. The dinner seemed to be going smoothly until OP’s mother-in-law started to talk about wanting grandkids.
It’s Not a Secret
It wasn’t news to anyone in his wife’s family that OP and his wife would not be able to conceive a child biologically. Still, his mother-in-law went on and on about it the whole evening.
Something He Didn’t Want to Hear
Even then, he didn’t pay much attention to the comments as he learned not to care about what his mother-in-law said about him. But that quickly changed when his wife’s mother said, “Maybe if his mom gave birth to a biological son instead of turning him into a boy, my daughter would’ve given me some grandchildren.”
She Crossed the Line
Talking and saying bad things about him was fine, but talking about his mother was too much. This was where OP drew the line!
He added, “My mother was a sensitive topic to me, and having my mother-in-law disrespect her like that was a no-go to me.”
Standing Up for His Mother
Because of that, he told his wife’s mother to “get the hell out” of his house. She was shocked by his reaction, but he didn’t care.
She then tried to argue, but OP didn’t let her speak and just told her to get out.
Instantly, his mother-in-law started to cry and make a scene, but OP soon “managed” to get her out.
Dinner was effectively ruined, and everyone started to leave right after.
Dismissing His Concerns
When all their guests left, OP’s wife yelled at him for how he treated her mother. Then, he tried to justify what he did with how his mother-in-law brought up his deceased mother.
However, OP’s wife didn’t listen to him; she just ended the argument by saying he needed to apologize to her mother. Believing he didn’t do anything wrong, OP refused to do so.
The Silent Treatment
Now, OP’s wife refuses to talk to him.
Because of this, he said, “I’m now starting to wonder if I was really in the wrong in this situation. Should I apologize to my mother-in-law? Am I the a**hole?”
The Community’s Take on the Matter
Many said that OP’s problem doesn’t just end with his mother-in-law but also with his wife. How she acted toward him when it came to her mom spoke a lot about her character and where her loyalties lie.
“Not the a**hole, but you forgot to kick your wife out as well,” the top commenter said.
Another person added to the top comment, saying, “I was thinking the same thing! OP, your spouse has a choice to make: support you, support her mother, or support none of you. In this case, your spouse made it clear she chooses to support her mother. If it were me, I’d be telling my spouse she can go support her mom, but I’m done. Pack her a bag and remove her from your life. Things will not get better.”
No Need to Tolerate Them
People also said that OP should not let people disrespect him and the people he loves and that it was only right for him to defend himself.
One commenter said, “So your mother-in-law can say whatever she wants, and it’s all fine. The moment you decide it’s enough, you’re the a**hole? OP, not the a**hole. You don’t need to have people disrespecting you or your loved ones at your own house.”
It’s Time to Get Help
Redditors argued that OP’s wife should have had his back instead of tolerating and defending her mother, who was 100% in the wrong in this scenario. Because of this, some people suggested that OP and his wife attend therapy to address their issues.
“Not the a**hole. Both your wife and mother-in-law have crossed a line. The mother-in-law, with the way she acted, and your wife for yelling and demanding you apologize, should have your back as you’re married and be a united front. I’d suggest couples therapy or sitting down and having a mature conversation about how what your mother-in-law said is inexcusable and how it made you feel,” a Redditor wrote.
She Should Be On Your Side!
Partners should fix things together and defend each other when they know they’re wronged. But in OP’s case, his wife has chosen to support her rude mother instead.
A commenter said, “Not the a**hole, but you don’t just have a mother-in-law problem; you have a wife problem. A couple is supposed to have each other’s back and defend their significant others against the crazy their own families can bring. Your wife has repeatedly chosen her mom over you, and that’s not okay. You could ask her to attend counseling with you. Personally, I would have given your mother-in-law a warning that your mother was off limits, but honestly, she needed to leave before then. She’s a piece of work.”
A Daughter Enabling Her Mom
Redditors also addressed the issue of transphobia, where OP’s wife is openly enabling her transphobic mother, despite being married to a transman.
A Redditor said, “Not the a**hole. Your mother-in-law is transphobic, and your wife is okay with that. Your mother-in-law bullies you, and your wife is okay with that. Your mother-in-law insulted your mother, and your wife is okay with that. You stood up for yourself and your mother-in-law, and your wife is not okay with that and wants you to apologize. Let that sink in.”
Another person said, “Not the a**hole, and don’t you dare apologize to your mother-in-law. You don’t need to justify anything. I can’t even begin to wrap my head around your wife being married to a transman and yet being willing to tolerate transphobia on the part of her mother. What the actual f***? She sits there and listens to her mother attack you in the most vicious possible way and then yells at you for not just sitting there and taking it. What kind of a marriage is this, anyway?”
Do you think OP is wrong? Should he apologize to his wife and his mother-in-law?
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This post first appeared as A “Transman” Kicked His Homophobic Mother-In-Law Out After She Insulted His Late Mom, Saying She Should’ve Birthed a “Real Man.” His Wife’s Demanding an Apology, but He’s Standing His Ground! on Quote Ambition.