60 Fleabag Quotes That’ll Alter the Way You Look at Life

Don’t let other people’s nonsense ruin your day; instead, keep these Fleabag quotes handy to keep you sane.

Life is the most complicated thing you can imagine. It will put you through a slew of ordeals and drown you in your own misery. But, don’t give up; just as the sky is bigger than the world, so are the solutions to your problems.

Fleabag is a realistic depiction of a modern-day woman struggling to make ends meet. It’s a show that shows how self-improvement, true love, and more are things that you can find within yourself, if you just change the way you view the world. So, if you’re curious about how she finds the things she’s looking for in life, scroll down to see the complete list of Fleabag quotes.

Start reading here.

And don’t forget to check out these Schitt’s Creek quotes and Shameless quotes.

Best Fleabag Quotes

Five Quotes That Could Change Every...
Five Quotes That Could Change Everything

1. “Why would you believe in something awful when you could believe in something wonderful?” – The Priest

2. “Don’t let other people get in the way of what you really want.” – Fleabag

3. “Maybe happiness isn’t what you believe, but who you believe.” – Fleabag

4. “If you want to change your life, change your life. It isn’t going to happen in here.” – Fleabag

5. “People just disappear because it spooks them to be around someone in pain.” – Fleabag

6. “But then you’re free. No longer a slave, no longer a machine, with parts. You’re just a person in business.” – Belinda

7. “Positive energy takes work. In the last six months, I’ve excelled. I take all the negative emotions and just bottle them and bury them and they never come out. I’ve basically never been better.” – Claire

8. “I am not a bad guy! I just have a bad personality, it’s not my fault. Some people are born with f*cked personalities.” – Martin

9. “Love is all any of us want and it’s hell when we get there! So, no wonder it’s something we don’t want to do on our own.” – The Priest

10. Bank Manager: “People make mistakes.”

Fleabag: “That’s why they put rubbers at the end of pencils.”

Iconic Fleabag Quotes

11. “As long as I can wear it or eat it, I’m happy.” – Boo

12. “Tits don’t get you anywhere these days. Trust me.” – Fleabag

13. “Hair is everything. We’re meant to think that it’s a symbol of power, that it’s a symbol of fertility.” – Fleabag

14. “Don’t make me an optimist. You will ruin my life.” – Fleabag

15. “I took half an hour trying to look nice and I ended up looking amazing.” – Fleabag

16. “You don’t go through life with teeth like these, and not know when someone’s pretending.” – Bus Rodent

17. Fleabag: “Do you think I should become a Catholic?”

The Priest: “No, don’t do that. I like that you believe in a meaningless existence.”

Also read: Ted Lasso Quotes, Trailer Park Boys Quotes

Fleabag Quotes for Those Who Need Love Advice

18. “Don’t make me hate you. Loving you’s painful enough.” – Harry

19. “You know, the worst thing is that I f*cking love you.” – Fleabag

20. “I think you know how to love better than any of us. That’s why you find it all so painful.” – Fleabag’s Father

21. “Celibacy is a lot less complicated than romantic relationships.” – The Priest

22. “People are all we’ve got. So grab the night by its nipples and go flirt with someone.” – Belinda

23. “Love is awful. It’s painful. It’s frightening. It makes you doubt yourself, judge yourself, distance yourself from the other people in your life.” – The Priest

24. “Being a romantic takes a hell of a lot of hope. I think what they mean is when you find somebody that you love, it feels like hope.” – The Priest

25. “I’ll always love you but I just can’t take it anymore. I don’t hate you; I’m scared for you.” – Harry

26. “I was taught if we’re born with love then life is about choosing the right place to put it. People talk about that a lot, feeling right, when it feels right it’s easy. But I’m not sure that’s true. It takes strength to know what’s right. And love isn’t something that weak people do.” – The Priest

Also read: American Horror Story Quotes

Interesting Fleabag Quotes That Summarize What Women Want You to Know

27. “Being proper and sweet and nice and pleasing is a f*cking nightmare. It’s exhausting.” – Fleabag

28. “If you rid a woman of her head and limbs you can’t really expect her to do anything other than roll around.” – Fleabag

29. “Either she’s got her period or some serious sh*t has gone down.” – Fleabag

30. “Women are born with pain built-in. It’s our physical destiny. Period pains, sore b**bs, childbirth, you know. We carry it within ourselves throughout our lives. Men don’t. They have to seek it out.” – Belinda

31. “Sometimes I worry, I wouldn’t be such a feminist if I had bigger tits.” – Fleabag

32. “I have a horrible feeling I am a greedy, perverted, selfish, apathetic, cynical, depraved, morally bankrupt woman who can’t even call herself a feminist.” – Fleabag

Fleabag Quotes to Understand the Characters’ Views on Physical Attraction

33. “It’s like having sex with a protractor.” – Fleabag

34. “After all, sex got us all here. Sex brings life.” – Godmother

35. “I’m not obsessed with sex. I just can’t stop thinking about it. The performance of it. The awkwardness of it. The drama of it.” – Fleabag

36. “I spent most of my adult life using sex to deflect from the screaming void inside my empty heart.” – Fleabag

37. “There’s always a stage when someone’s falling in love with you that they lose their erection. They get confused, they panic, the stakes get too high, the blood rushes from their dick to their heart.” – Fleabag

38. Fleabag: “Priests have sex, you know. A lot of them actually do. They don’t burst into flames. I Googled it.”

The Priest: “I can’t have sex with you, because I’ll fall in love with you. And if I fall in love with you, I won’t burst into flames, but my life will be f*cked.”

39. “And sometimes I wish I didn’t even know that f*cking existed. And I know that my body, as it is now, really is the only thing I have left, and when that gets old and unf*ckable I may as well just kill it. And somehow there isn’t anything worse than someone who doesn’t want to f*ck me. I f*ck everything. Except for when I was in your office, I really wasn’t trying to have sex. You know, either everyone feels like this a little bit, and they’re just not talking about it, or I’m completely f*cking alone. Which isn’t f*cking funny.” – Fleabag

Fleabag Quotes That Only People With Siblings Can Understand

40. “The only person I’d run through an airport for is you.” – Claire

41. “My sister. She’s uptight and beautiful and probably anorexic, but clothes look awesome on her.” – Fleabag

42. “The only thing harder than having to tell your super high-powered, perfect, anorexic, rich super sister that you’ve run out of money is having to ask her to bail you out.” – Fleabag

Fleabag Quotes That Will Make You Miss Your Friends

43. “We’re not friends. We are sisters. Get your own friends.” – Claire

44. Fleabag: “I don’t know what to do with it.”

Boo: “With what?”

Fleabag: “With all the love I have for her. I don’t know where to put it now.”

Boo: “I’ll take it. No, I’m serious. It sounds lovely. I’ll have it.”

45. “I want someone to tell me what to wear every morning. I want someone to tell me what to eat. What to like, what to hate, what to rage about, what to listen to, what band to like, what to buy tickets for, what to joke about, what not to joke about. I want someone to tell me what to believe in, who to vote for, who to love and how to tell them.” – Fleabag

Funny Fleabag Quotes to Make You Laugh

46. “Let’s keep going, I saw some more stuff she’ll hate over there.” – Martin

47. “Yeah, he’s horrifically hot. You’re gonna puke when you see him.” – Fleabag

48. “My bottom dropped ages ago. My farts used to be like ‘pah!.’ Now they’re just sort of fighting their way out.” – Fleabag

49. “Look, just please tell me how to not f*ck a priest. Before I get arrested.” – Fleabag

50. “I’ve, uhm, read through your application form. It says you run a cafe for guinea pigs?” – Bank Manager

51. “I did a fart the other day that was exactly like mum’s.” – Fleabag

52. “‘Chic’ means boring. Don’t tell the French.” – Fleabag

53. “Don’t get drunk and sh*t in your sink again.” – Fleabag

54. “If you mention the size of my office, I will scream.” – Claire

55. “Listen, I don’t want to know anything about this surprise party but, if you could just, erm, have it at mine this Friday at 7:30, that’d be great. I can organize it and act surprised.” – Claire

56. “Do I have a massive arsehole?” – Fleabag

57. “If it’s any consolation, you look older than you are.” – Fleabag

58. “I ate a sausage over there, thinking it was a prune. Fifteen years of vegetarianism, gone. Like bang, bang.” – Klare

59. “Dad’s way of coping with two motherless daughters was to buy us tickets to feminist lectures, start f*cking our Godmother, and eventually stop calling.” – Fleabag

60. The Priest: “I can’t be physical with you.”

Fleabag: “We can’t even wrestle?”

Did These Fleabag Quotes Influence the Way You Perceive Life and Adversity?

Fleabag is a British series about the life of a pessimistic and sexually aggressive woman. And, as her name implies, Fleabag lives her life as an unkempt person, seeking love and happiness from others.

Everyone wants to be loved, but we fail to recognize that we must first love ourselves before persuading others to love us. The true love we seek is already within us; let it shine, and you will be amazed at the results.

Also, keep in mind that love is not always physical, and there are numerous ways to express your feelings for someone. Value and love yourself first, and everything else will fall into place. We hope that these Fleabag quotes were able to inspire you to see your true worth and fuel your desire to persevere in the face of adversity.

Have you watched Fleabag? Which of these Fleabag quotes hit you the hardest? Join the discussion below.