We’ve gathered these Grandma’s Boy quotes to entertain you and give you some words of wisdom at the same time.
Grandma’s Boy is about a videogame tester who got kicked out of his house and has to live with his grandma.
He made a side project video game called Demonic and made it a success.
This movie was a hit in the home video market and very successful on DVD.
If you’re stressed and need a good laugh, this collection of quotes is best for you.
Give yourself time to relax and laugh at the same time and add this list to your must-reads!
Start here.
And make sure to check out these Joe Dirt quotes and Zoolander quotes.
Best Grandma’s Boy Quotes
1. “That is pure f*ck*ng insanity.” – Dante
2. “It’s a wonderful dandelion—nettle blend. Very cleansing. Good for new beginnings.” – Mr. Cheezle
3. “So, you can’t kill the demon at the end of level six? Do you have the magic arrows? Easy, here’s what you do. Hide behind the boulder. When the demon comes out of the cave, shoot him three times with the magic arrows. Then his head will start to spin. Once that happens, you jump up on the boulder, you do a flying downward thrust with the sword of doom, and that’s it—level six is done.” – Alex
4. “Dude, your bed’s a car.” – Alex
5. “I don’t know, man. I got a business to run. This is like my office as well as my home. Plus, the lion comes in a couple days.” – Dante
6. “Dr. Shakalu brought me some crazy Zimbabwe weed that turns you into a deer.” – Dante
7. “You can’t get stoned and be an accountant. You make too many mistakes, you lose people millions of dollars, you get fired.” – Alex
8. “Yeah. I’m thinking of getting metal legs. It’s a risky operation, but it’ll be worth it.” – J.P.
9. “Dude, you can get past a dog. Nobody f*cks with a lion.” – Dante
10. “I can hear my hair growing. You want some soup?” – Grandma Lilly
11. “I can’t believe you came on my mom. You might be the biggest perv in the world right now.” – Jeff
12. “School—I didn’t need school. All I ever cared about were video games, and they’ve made me a millionaire. So, maybe I don’t know what the civil war was, or who invented the helicopter, even though I own one, but I did beat The Legend of Zelda before I could walk.” – J.P.
13. Barry: “Hey, Dante. My girlfriend and I caught you on the news the other night.”
Dante: “No sh*t. And by girlfriend do you mean that piece of rabbit fur you rub on your dick every night?”
14. “What is that ringing? Do I have a tumor?” – Dante
Related: The Waterboy Quotes
Famous Grandma’s Boy Quotes
16. “Where do you get your weed?” – Dante
17. “You were a dirty, old whore.” – Jeff
18. “I once gave Charlie Chaplin a handjob.” – Grace
19. “That’s right monkey, play my head!” – Dante
20. “My name is J.P. I am a robot. I like robots. I have a robot vagina.” – Jeff
21. “Oh my God! I am naked! Come on in!” – Jeff
22. “Johnny? Who the f*ck is Johnny?” – Alex
23. “You’re not jerking off on my dad.” – Jeff
24. “I’ll smoke it with ya bro, we’ll go to the loony bin together. I don’t give a f*ck.” – Dante
25. Alex: “Hey, Timmy, can I crash at your place tonight?”
Timmy: “Why? So you can jerk off with my mom?”
Alex: “Jeff’s a f*ck*ng liar, Timmy!”
15. “My grandma drank all my pot.” – Alex
26. “Your sh*t’s weak! Wizzeak!” – Jeff
27. “Dude, jerking off on my mom is one thing, but doing your grandmother and her two roommates, that’s like, legendary!” – Jeff
28. “Dude, your *ss is tanner than my face.” – Alex
29. Alex: “Hey, Speed Racer. Did you valet your bed?”
Jeff: “No, I self-parked it in your *ssh*le.”
Grandma’s Boy Quotes to Remind You of This Classic Comedy
30. “Thanks, Alex. Maybe tomorrow you can introduce them to heroin.” – Grace
31. “They’ll massage your dick for money.” – Big Mover
32. “I mean, how many people can say that in a lifetime?” – Jeff
33. “I didn’t wanna disturb you—you were balls deep in that turtle with a thumb in your mouth.” – Alex
34. “Yeah, I already sh*t my pants this month.” – Barry
35. “At least I have a bush!” – Alex
36. “Come on, Lara. My c*ck is lost in the jungle and it’s up to you to find it. Oh, Lara you dirty dirty adventurer. Let’s see what’s under your skirt. Lara, no panties? You know I like that.” – Alex
37. “Oh, oh, oh my God! I’m sorry, I can’t stop cumming, I’m sorry! Oh-ho-ho, It feels so good!” – Alex
38. “Don’t judge me, monkey!” – Alex
39. “Dude, you do know that lions eat deer right?” – Alex
40. “Hi, I’m Jeff. I have a bush too—it’s not gray.” – Jeff
41. “This is like if Tyson fought an infant.” – Alex
42. “Line up you f*ckin’ nerds. Who wants a shot at the champ?!” – Jeff
43. “That’s great, Bobby, but we don’t have Dance Dance Revolution, so—you’re dumb.” – Alex
44. “Of course she doesn’t have a microwave. She’s f*ck*ng a hundred.” – Alex
Grandma’s Boy Quotes That Will Pique Your Interest
45. “I hate violence, but drugs are bad.” – Grandma Lilly
46. “Do you need a stuffed animal? I have a dog. I think I have a bear. Yeah, I have a bear.” – Jeff
47. “Hey, J.P. That’s a great outfit. How much do clothes cost in The Matrix?” – Alex
48. “So, I mean, what’s it like being old? It’s gotta be weird, right? I mean, you saw a lotta stuff go down. World War I, World War II, the automobile, Tupac, I mean.” – Jeff
49. “Uh-uh, wait your turn. I’m on a roll here. Take that, you dirty dopers.” – Grandma Lilly
50. “I didn’t know you were bringing people. I would’ve trimmed my antlers!” – Grace
51. “Because when you smoke it you get so stoned that you sh*t your pants! Hahahaha!” – Dante
52. “I’m way too baked to drive to the Devil’s house.” – Dante
53. “He would have had 20! No, he had a problem.” – Grandma Lilly
54. “Oh, you can stay as long as you like and love any man you choose!” – Grace
55. “Oh, I just wish he would hop off the box and hang out with us, I think he’s so cute!” – Grandma Lilly
56. “I had a dream last night. I was a snake slithering through the grass, until I came upon a dead elk, and I climbed into his soul, and it’s there I stayed until morning, which meant I would underestimate someone very close to me.” – Mr. Cheezle
57. “Fair enough, yeah, rage it up. Rage all you want. Good things are coming. Good things.” – Mr. Cheezle
58. “You’re dead to me, over.” – Jeff
59. “I had a dream last night. I dreamt I was a dove flying over the sea. And then I dove into the ocean. And I swam with the dolphins. I was two animals joined as one, which meant—good things are coming. Good things.” – Mr. Cheezle
Sarcastic Grandma’s Boy Quotes
60. “I am not amused.” – J.P.
61. “Yeah. Well, that’s what old people do. They fall asleep.” – J.P.
62. “No. I just don’t like techno.” – Kane
63. “The phone’s for you. I think it’s the Devil.” – Dante
64. “I’ll run over your attitude. It sucks.” – Jeff
65. “Please sit on my face.” – J.P.
66. “That’s quite a buffet you have there.” – Alex
67. “You will never have metal legs.” – J.P.
68. “I want you to drink from my man faucet.” – Jeff
69. “Whoa, chill bro! You know you can’t raise your voice like that when the lion’s here.” – Dante
70. “You want an ice cream sandwich? They’re on whole wheat with lettuce.” – Grandma Lilly
71. “Ooh, dinner time. Oh, f*ck! Damn! C*cks*ck*ng f*ck*r *ss f*ck! Ohhh! God damn it!” – Alex
72. “That’s cool, if you wanna be sober and vomit.” – Jeff
73. “They’re not hookers, they’re massage therapists.” – Josh
74. “So funny I forgot to laugh. Ehehe.” – J.P.
Funny Grandma’s Boy Quotes That Will Make Your Day
75. “You know what else you’re not gonna get, party pooper? The Colonel! Here you go sweetie. Sucks to be you nerd!” – Grandma Lilly
76. “Let’s do it. The levels, I mean, not sex.” – Jeff
77. “You’re f*ck*n’ weird man.” – Alex
78. “What’s goin’ on, sh*tlips?” – Jeff
79. “Don’t slit your wrists Kane, I’m here.” – Alex
80. “There was this fire and I was trying to save it from this baby.” – Alex
81. “I shoulda’ worn a condom.” – Jeff
82. “Ya, it was my roommates. They’re crazy, they tied me up. I was like one of those little calfs at the rodeo, all helpless, and you know right when I was about to call the police—I came—and that felt nice.” – Alex
83. “I have to pee out of my *ss.” – Jeff
84. “Oh, yes! Finally a roommate who goes shopping. Chicken cutlet, spaghetti with garlic bread, oh, my God, the wings to go with the breast, I don’t know what you are but I’m gonna f*ck*ng eat you, too.” – Alex
85. “What does high score mean? New high score, is that bad? What does that mean? Did I break it?” – Jeff
86. “Do you have bathrooms here, or do I have to sh*t in a plant?” – Jeff
87. “Okay, so who wants to hear about my STD from the silent film era? Yeah, put your hands up for that one. This chick’s p*ss* smelled like the great depression.” – Jeff
88. “Big news from the party. Barry sucked on his first boobie!” – Jeff
89. “Who wants to hear about my bl*wj*b from the World War? Yeah. A little Hiroshima on my balls.” – Jeff
Grandma’s Boy Quote to Make You Laugh
90. “Who wants to know what Jackie Gleason’s balls tasted like? Yes, cornbread.” – Jeff
91. “That Grace sure makes me feel warm and welcome.” – Alex
92. “Hello? Cool. I hope it’s a naked dude with a boner.” – Jeff
93. “Well, you’d be bitter too if you had four husbands die on you.” – Grandma Lilly
94. “I want to get you a black cobra just to go around the neck.” – J.P.
95. “I hate your face!” – J.P.
96. “Alex, I make you a special deal. I’ll give you five minutes to grab all the sh*t you don’t want thrown out, but if you take one extra minute, my friends will take your testicles and remove them, through your anus!” – Yuri
97. “Stupid f*ck*ng idiot! Red-shirted *ss! You guys think you’re so f*ck*ng cool, it makes me sick! ‘Oh, let’s go make fun of the vegans, and their crazy lifestyle!’ We’re not hurting anyone! Go eat a hamburger and choke on a cow dick!” – Shiloh
98. “Eat that frog dick Timmy!” – Jeff
99. Jeff: “Grace, I have something to confess.”
Grace: “What’s that?”
Jeff: “You were my first.”
Grace: “Really? Oh, that’s sweet. You were my 3,000-something.”
100. “Looking back, the lion was a bad idea. That’s why Dr. Shakalu is gonna hook us up with a monkey. I’m gonna teach it taekwondo.” – Dante
101. Alex: “You remember Lara?”
Jeff: “Yes I do, and she already has a cold sore. What a surprise.”
102. “I’ll give you my grandson’s number, he’s gay too.” – Grace
103. “Go monkey! Karate chop the elephant!” – Dante
104. “Dude, that party was off the hook kid, your girl can drink her f*ck*n’ face off!” – Dante
Grandma’s Boy Quotes and One-Liners
105. “Thank you, Mr. President.” – Bea
106. “Suck those jugs, kid!” – Dante
107. “Nice jammies.” – Alex
108. “I’m an antique.” – Bea
109. “I loved them so much.” – Josh
110. “Eat it, whore.” – Josh
111. “Dragonflies?” – Bea
112. “Drive, monkey, drive!” – Dante
113. “Come in. Hurry up.” – Jeff
114. “That was a good idea.” – Jeff
115. “I gotta pee out of my *ss.” – Jeff
116. “I’m a piece of sh*t. I suck.” – Kane
117. “I wanna eat the TV.” – Bea
118. “This sh*t f*ck*n’ crazy!” – Dante
119. “Space shuttle.” – Bea
Grandma’s Boy Quotes You Don’t Wanna Miss
120. “I swear to God, I would’ve helped you, Sophie. Please don’t kill me. Please don’t kill me. I would’ve helped you. I just wasn’t here.” – Alex
121. “I got my yellow belt, monkey got his red belt—he’s a quick learner!” – Dante
122. “Who wants a piece of the grey bush?” – Alex
123. “Alex, I need you to deal with 10 through 15 because those are the real problem levels.” – Samantha
124. “He gives me a reason to live with him and those stank-*ss hoes.” – Kane
125. “So I looked up in my tree, and there was the f*ck*n’ king of the jungle staring at me. So I called the five-O!” – Dante
126. “Oh, I found it in your laundry when I was cleaning up. It smelled awful, so I cleaned it. Doesn’t it look nice?” – Grandma Lilly
127. Alex: “Where is your monkey?”
Dante: “He’s upstairs putting his nun-chucks away.”
128. “You look like a bag of sh*t. You sure you don’t wanna borrow my birthday suit?” – Dante
129. “I wish you would have gone a little less on the crazy and little more on the beaver.” – Alex
130. “Oh listen, your father tells me that you need a place to stay. Just so you know, Sophie left us two weeks ago, so her room is available if you need it.” – Grandma Lilly
131. “This is b*llsh*t. It’s like Cypress Hill concert in here. I don’t rent to those kind of people.” – Yuri
132. “Alex, you forgot smoking lamp. I’m sorry, was that expensive piece?” – Yuri
133. “Shh! Go read your Playgirl or something!” – Grace
134. “It’s tequila! It’s supposed to f*ck you up!” – Dante
More Grandma’s Boy Quotes
135. “Relax, bro. They’re people—just like you and me. Now hit this joint and have some fun.” – Dante
136. “Relax, Kane. You’re not a piece of sh*t.” – Dante
137. “I was working late. I love work. I love life.” – Alex
138. “Does someone have a light? I found this weed. I wanna smoke it.” – Jeff
139. “It’s my roommate’s. They won’t stop watching p*rn. I can’t get any work done.” – Alex
140. “At least enough time to 69.” – Jeff
141. “It’s just the kids and their break room. Or as I like to call it, the stupid idiot room full of jerks. Mine’s the biggest office, over.” – J.P.
142. “I thought I told you to quit talking about that.” – Alex
143. “Get back to work, testers.” – J.P.
144. “We’re not in the jungle any more, Doctor.” – Alex
145. “Hey Samantha, don’t take the red pill!” – Jeff
146. “She fell out of bed and died right here.” – Grandma Lilly
147. “I’m sorry you had to see this. It’s all these poor knaves have to look forward to everyday.” – J.P.
148. “I thought you were good at this, man.” – Alex
149. “Um, I’m really sorry to have to leave this conversation, but, I will see you guys later.” – Samantha
150. “Once you got to high school, you just seemed to lose focus. It was probably just puberty.” – Grandma Lilly
Did You Find These Grandma’s Boy Quotes Entertaining?
Grandma’s Boy is a film that you can enjoy together with your friends. Because of its fun and wild scenes, it will remind you of the crazy things you did with your friends growing up.
The characters of the film are naturally funny and will make you roll on the floor laughing. But aside from all the fun, it will also give you some more profound pieces of advice you can apply in life.
We hope that this collection enlightened you that you can still have fun and enjoy life even if you’re an adult with a lot of responsibilities. You have the freedom to do what you love and don’t have to be a prodigy to be successful.
Which of these Grandma’s Boy quotes are your favorites? Please, add them in the comments section below.
