What was supposed to be a fun night turned into something dreadful when his wife embarrassingly yelled at him in public. This is the second time it happened, and he’s done putting up with it!
A Night Out
OP (Original Poster), a 29-year-old man, and his 27-year-old wife had her 29-year-old brother and his partner of the same age over for lunch. They got together for a “light housewarming” and an evening of drinking in their new area.
A Sober Man’s Reminiscence
Since OP had work to do the next day, he drank less than the group but still had a few beers. They’ve all “historically” gotten along well, but there was a time when OP left one night after his wife “had a go at him,” and her brother and his partner were present.
On the Hunt for a Spot
So far, the evening was going well, but it was also getting chilly. So, at some point in the evening, everyone decided to move inside.
The bar was busy, so OP said he’d check and ensure they’d get a table without losing their current one.
The Perfect Table—or Not!
There was a free table when he went inside, but it didn’t have enough space. A man who said he’d be leaving in five minutes was sitting right next to it, so OP sat and messaged the others that he had secured one.
Petty Problems
When they saw the table, OP’s wife and her brother complained about the spot, frustrated they had lost the old one. OP explained that the man sitting next to them was about to leave, and they’d have both tables in just five minutes.
But OP’s brother-in-law still went to look for another table immediately. During that time, OP’s wife started criticizing him, asking why he chose that table.
The Second Time Around
At that point, OP’s wife was already quite drunk and wouldn’t even understand if OP explained that there were no other tables when he looked. So, he “basically ignored” her.
OP wrote, “She then started to berate me, and yelled, ‘F****** listen to me!’ or something close to that effect. This occurred in the middle of the bar. I felt both embarrassed and angry for being yelled at in public. I told her, ‘I’m not putting up with this,’ left the venue, and walked home.”
Explaining His Side
His wife, brother-in-law, and his brother-in-law’s girlfriend all called him, but he ignored them. When he got home, he messaged his wife’s brother and sister-in-law, apologizing for leaving.
He also explained that he was extremely frustrated with his wife and told them he wouldn’t return. It seemed they let it be, and OP thought everything was okay.
Never-Ending Chastisement
By the time his wife arrived home, she continued to criticize him, which angered OP more.
However, he felt that she was too drunk to have a proper conversation or reason with, so he told her to go to bed, and eventually, she stormed off.
At the Bottom of Her Memory Bank
The following day, OP told his wife she was beyond reasonable and out of line that night. His wife, however, vaguely remembers anything that transpired the night before.
OP told her what happened, and she agreed that what she did was wrong and was very apologetic.
Brother’s Offenses
That same morning, OP received a message from his brother-in-law, which was sent the night before. It stated that he thought OP’s behavior was “poor.”
But to OP, this wasn’t a fair judgment, given that he wasn’t present during the actual event and when OP left. He wrote, “Having been yelled at, I felt justified in leaving. I felt like his judgment was both unfair and unnecessary.”
Where Do We Go From Here?
Considering his brother-in-law’s perspective, OP has done this twice, but both were in response to his wife berating him when she’s drunk. Now, OP doesn’t know how to move forward with his wife’s brother.
He added, “But I feel as though I’m owed some kind of apology from him. Am I the a**hole for abruptly leaving the night out and feeling defensive in response to my wife’s brother’s message and wanting some kind of apology for calling my behavior ‘poor?’”
What Redditors Think of the Issue
Some people questioned OP’s wife not being able to remember what happened the night she was drunk. They also suggested ways on how the matter should be fixed.
“She’s either exaggerating and using this as an excuse, or she drank entirely too much. Drinking until you don’t remember the night is a problem. Not the a**hole, and if she refuses to drink less when you go out, then I’d suggest just not going with her,” the top commenter wrote.
Another person said, “Not the a**hole. Your wife’s actions while drunk were horrible. She was yelling and cursing at you over a table? Come on, that’s something so petty. The fact that she doesn’t even remember is concerning. She should be concerned that her behavior was so bad you walked away from her. I’d sit down with her and have an honest conversation about this issue.”
A Changed Person
A Redditor shared they were in a similar situation as OP’s wife before and their realizations on how it was extremely wrong.
A commenter wrote, “Not the a**hole. But you have larger problems than leaving a bar. Does your wife treat you this way normally or only when she’s been drinking? She needs to control herself better. I used to be kind of like this in my younger days. I distinctly remember being an a**hole to my relationship partners when we’d be out drinking. I cringe when I think about it now. It’s immature dramatics and totally destructive behavior.”
Response to His Judgment
Some Redditors suggested OP talk to his brother-in-law straightforwardly and seriously. They also said that his spouse should drink less or not drink at all.
One Redditor said, “Not the a**hole. Your wife has to either stop drinking or limit how much she drinks. She should not drink to the point of meanness or loss of memory. You need to message your brother-in-law, expressing your pity that he would just sit there and let some drunk curse at him should he find himself in similar circumstances. Maybe suggest that he get some therapy to work on his low self-esteem.”
Was OP wrong for just leaving his wife like that? What would you do if your spouse criticized you in public?
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This post first appeared as He Abandoned His Drunk Wife at a Bar After She Berated and Humiliated Him in Public. Now His Brother-In-Law’s Judging Him, Saying He Reacted “Poorly” and Could’ve Done Better! on Quote Ambition.
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