Their group’s “Holla Days” party is the most important one of the year. As the host, he will do anything not to ruin it, including leaving a rude 11-year-old out of it!
Holla Days for the Holidays
OP (Original Poster) is part of a friend group that has five families with kids, and they get together once every month or so. Not everyone always shows up, but they do a “Holla Days” party every year that the whole group attends.
However, their extended families aren’t allowed because it would get way too big.
Their Own Special Tradition
To start the party, they all bring their best dishes and stuff they made throughout the year to exchange with each other, and then they feast.
OP wrote, “It’s easily the best party of the year every year. We can’t wait and start planning it in September for around the first week of December. We host this year, which is where the problem begins.”
One Hateful Kid
There’s one family in their group that has an 11-year-old son, and they’ve known his parents before he was born and have known him his entire life. According to OP, the kid is one of the “rudest” and “most antisocial” children he’s ever met, and usually, everyone just tolerates and ignores him.
Targeting His Family
For some unknown reason, the 11-year-old seems to have a problem with OP’s family in general.
OP wrote, “He has screamed that he hates us and wants to leave our house flopping on the floor at more than one previous get-together. My kids are always coming to us crying about how they are being treated by this kid. The kid openly calls others, but in particular, my wife, fat or ugly often. The mom and dad seem apologetic but don’t ever do anything to reign him in.”
When he posted this story, they were already in the thick of making formal invitations and putting out the menu for their party. Usually, OP hand delivers them with a small gift.
Honesty Is the Best Policy
When he went to see the family, he asked to discuss something about the party invite openly with them. They sat down, and as gently as OP felt he could, he explained that his family loves them, saying their twin daughters are awesome and would love to have them at the party.
However, he added, “Given that their son has repeatedly treated every member of my family horribly and repeatedly expressed how much he hates my family, I didn’t want this negative energy at this year’s party and asked if they would leave their son at home.”
Barely Left Alone
The family lives five houses away, so leaving the boy at home would only be a “technicality.” Aside from that, OP offered to make three courses to take to him at home so he could still eat.
If they had other requests, OP and his family would happily accommodate them.
Hesitant but Agreeable
The parents were shocked and disappointed that OP didn’t want their rude son at the party, but they agreed to find a way to leave him home.
When Backstabbers Hit
However, OP soon found out that they had gone around and “complained” to other group members, and OP was confronted with guilt that no child is perfect.
He wrote, “While I get sympathy and agreement that the kid is really a problem, particularly for my kids, I am wrong for not inviting the whole family because they all just suffer through it, and my kids aren’t perfect. They aren’t, but if my kids acted the way this boy does, I would be doing something about it.”
One or the Other
At this point, OP feels he will either allow the boy to keep abusing him and his family or leave a fun group of people over one “s*****” little kid.
Eventually, the group got together, which was easy since they all lived within a block of each other. Everyone agrees that the 11-year-old is a problem, but they aren’t excluding anyone.
Instead, to solve their issue, they will adopt a zero-tolerance policy where the host decides who decides who leaves going forward.
On the other hand, the kid’s parents say they are talking to their son about appropriate ways of telling them he wants to leave.
OP wrote, “I made it clear that ‘kid’ will not talk to anyone anywhere near what has been said in the past before I eject him from my house. It was nice to hear everyone in the friend group support me in this.”
Going Down the Drain—or Not?
Since everyone knew the boy’s parents before he came into the world, cutting them off entirely would be too harsh and would affect the group as a whole. Aside from that, the dad and OP are in a disc golf league together, and he doesn’t want to ruin that relationship.
OP added, “I know he’s embarrassed by his kid, particularly toward me, because he’s all but cried apologizing to me when his kid has said some awful s***.”
In Need of Guidance and Advice
Overall, OP is satisfied that they established a clear boundary for the future, and the 11-year-old’s parents know that everyone has had enough.
OP said, “But we also understand that all kids are different, and all of them need all of us.”
The Community’s Suggestions
The community shared their thoughts on OP’s situation, saying they’d rather not invite the whole family, given that the parents don’t even try to discipline their own child.
The top commenter wrote, “I’d stop inviting that whole family. I have no respect for parents who won’t discipline their children. Then to send flying monkeys after you for not inviting him is ridiculous.”
Another person replied, saying, “Not the a**hole. Bringing a child to someone’s house that repeatedly disrespects them, again in their own house, is just plain rude. I would have zero sympathy for how they feel about the situation when they’ve made it clear they do not care how he acts. It’s their problem. They shouldn’t be bringing the problem to parties, especially not to OP’s party. I agree with your ‘flying monkeys’ point. It adds insult to injury.”
Some Redditors pointed out that not only OP’s friends are bad parents, but they’re also horrible people for talking behind OP’s back and ignoring their bad parenting.
A Redditor wrote, “Not the a**hole. The fact the parents didn’t fight or try to argue their son’s case says everything I need to know about them. The fact that they passively accepted it and then complained behind OP’s back lets me know that they always talk trash behind people’s backs, and now I’m wondering if the names their son calls my family are coming from them and if the hatred started with mom and dad and rolled down to the son.”
The same person added, “I would uninvite them. ‘I’ve heard your complaints third hand. You’re right; it’s not fair your demon doesn’t get to come, so I’ve decided it’s best if none of your family attends.’ Why just punish the kid for just lax or bad parenting while the bad parents get to the party?”
Was OP wrong for not wanting the rude child at her party? Do you think he was being reasonable?
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This post first appeared as He Banned His Friends’ 11-Year-Old Son From Their Yearly Get-Together, Saying He’s the “Rudest” and “Most Antisocial” Child Ever. But “No Kid Is Perfect,” and He’s Being an Unfair Jerk! on Quote Ambition.