This dad didn’t think it was right for his son to feel left out by his friends. So, although his wife brought him up to be vegan, he started buying him non-vegan snacks!
A Happy Little Family
OP (Original Poster) is 32 years old, while his wife is 33. They’ve been married for 8 years and have a 12-year-old son together.
The “Dominion” Effect
Around six years before this story was posted, OP’s wife decided to go vegan after watching the documentary Dominion. He noted that the documentary was sent by a vegan friend of his wife’s.
No Looking Back
Since then, OP’s wife said that non-vegan food was “revolting.” She has never eaten another bite of non-vegan food since then!
In Support of Her
Though OP didn’t want to initially, after a long conversation with his wife, he agreed to go vegetarian and be vegan in the house and around her. Thankfully, his wife didn’t push the matter further and was happy with OP’s compromise.
A Vegan Baby
OP’s wife also decided that their son should be vegan. After consulting with a dietician, OP agreed and thought it would be best for him.
Sneaky Snacks
Everything was going well with this arrangement until a few months before this story was posted. During that time, OP started finding wrappers of non-vegan candy and McDonald’s burgers in his son’s school bag.
He figured he’d been buying them using his chore money.
A Son’s Confession
So, OP decided to have a conversation with his son about it. The 12-year-old confessed to feeling “lonely” and “excluded” eating vegan around his friends.
He also told OP that his friends always had much better candy than he did, which wasn’t fair.
He Should Do What Kids Do
He felt rattled by his son’s confession and ultimately decided that he didn’t want his son spending his pocket money on snacks. OP also felt terrible that he threw out the vegan snacks they packed for him.
For OP, his son should be spending money on games like other kids do and more. He said, “It made no sense.”
A Secret Between a Father and a Son
Though he understood his son’s concerns, OP knows how his wife feels about non-vegan products. So, instead of talking to her about his discovery, he started buying his son what he wanted whenever they went to football practice instead.
Blown up Secret
However, like all secrets, OP and his son’s actions were soon uncovered by his wife.
He said, “My wife recently found out what has been going on and completely flipped out.”
Serious Allegations
OP’s wife started accusing him of being an “animal abuse enabler” and “other names.”
OP added, “She said I was corrupting our son.”
Complicated Family Mess
His wife is giving him the silent treatment. On the other hand, his son panicked and told his mom OP bought the snacks for him, and he “didn’t know” that they weren’t vegan.
He said, “I don’t blame him for that; he just doesn’t want to be in trouble with Mom.”
Redditors’ Opinions
For Redditors, though keeping it a secret from his wife was wrong, it was right for him to defend his son.
One said, “Not the a**hole. I think my answer, at this point, would be, ‘Our son is old enough to decide what he wants to eat and what his dietary preferences are. If we put him into a situation where he feels he has to hide things from us, that’s on us.’”
The same person added, “If your wife is confronting him about this in any kind of intimidating way or trying to make him feel guilty with the same phrases she’s using with you, I would prioritize your son and his needs and well-being. S*** like this can cause a lot of problems.”
Your Life, Your Choice!
People also told OP that veganism is a choice, and it was something his wife shouldn’t impose on others.
“I agree. She is trying to bully everyone with her choice. Does she forget most of her life eating animals? Now, she wants everyone to do what she wants. Yes, putting people in a position to lie is also bullying,” wrote one Redditor.
One woman said, “Also, if the choice his mother is imposing on him is making him socially awkward and possibly could lead to him being bullied or ostracized, I think his father did the right thing. OP, you’re not the a**hole for being approachable and looking after your son’s wishes and well-being. However, I think you shouldn’t have lied to your wife, which gives you a soft you’re the a**hole. I think she’s also being an a**hole by trying to impose her—newly found—beliefs on her whole family. Your son is a kid and afraid of getting in trouble, which is understandable, but he too has been lying to his mother, and something that could have been much easier with you and him explaining to her the whole situation could possibly lead to you being singled out and having to take the blame for all.”
He Needs All He Can Get!
Others pointed out that OP’s son is very young. Given that and his being into sports, he needed all the nutrition and energy he could get!
One Redditor wrote, “It’s hard to get all you need at that age, it would seem. Especially playing sports. Worked with a guy doing construction. He ran ultramarathons and was vegan. He ate all day long, it seemed, and took supplements. He was in his 40s. I can’t imagine a 12-year-old being that organized about keeping it up.”
Another agreed, saying, “Yes. I don’t know what dietician they talked to, but I know a few, and they will all tell you it’s nearly impossible for a growing child to get all the nutrients they need from a vegan diet. A 12-year-old boy who plays football—it’s basically completely impossible. His diet isn’t healthy for him at this point. Plus, at 12, he’s old enough to make his own choices. “
Do you think OP did the right thing for his son? What could he have done to avoid this mess?
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This post first appeared as He Bought His 12-Year-Old Son Non-vegan Food Behind His Vegan Wife’s Back. Now She’s Giving Him the Silent Treatment, Saying He’s an “Animal Abuse Enabler” Who Was “Corrupting” Their Child! on Quote Ambition.
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