This Redditor needs a break from taking care of his mom. He needed his brother’s help, so he dropped her off at his house, but little did he know that all hell would break loose!
Mom’s Health Decline
OP’s (Original Poster) 69-year-old mom suffered from a stroke a couple of years before this story was posted. She’s self-sufficient but is unable to drive and tends to space out every now and then.
Her Sole Caregiver
Since the stroke happened, OP, along with his girlfriend and four kids, has been his mom’s primary caregiver. OP has tried to juggle caring for his mom while ensuring his large family’s needs were met.
On the flip side, OP has a 47-year-old brother and a niece who lived in his mom’s old house. Although his brother’s very much an adult, he’s just someone their mom couldn’t rely on.
A Neglectful Brother
As proof, OP’s brother has done nothing to help with their mom’s care.
He wrote, “I have one brother who lives in her house and basically does nothing for her.”
A Change in Scenery
Unfortunately, though OP’s mom has been self-sufficient, he can’t help but notice that her condition has been steadily declining for the past couple of years. Because of this, OP and his girlfriend believed that a “change in scenery” might help.
They planned to relocate his mother to her house, where his brother and niece reside. He added, “My brother is also a stubborn a**hole, so he would have no problem hounding her to do her rehab.”
A Two-Year Discussion
OP explained that he’d been thinking about and discussing this with his brother for a while. In fact, this matter has been up in the air for over two years!
He wrote, “We also agreed that she would be there for a couple of months then back up here. I don’t want to ‘dump’ her on my brother, but my girlfriend and I need a break, and he needs to help.”
Excuses Kept Piling Up
Despite their conversation, for the last year, OP’s brother has “used every excuse” as to why he can’t get a room ready for her.
Frustrated by his brother’s inaction, OP even drove three hours to prepare a room. He had to empty a room up to 95% of the way so his brother could finish it, but he never did.
Thankfully, OP’s niece, who also lived in his mom’s house, decided to get her own place. This allowed OP to get a room for her mom in “her own house.”
He wrote, “I coordinated with my niece and messaged my brother that I would be moving her down as soon as my niece was out.”
The Relocation Day
Once his niece was out, OP rented a U-Haul, meticulously packed his mother’s belongings, and embarked on the journey to relocate her to her house.
However, while driving down, he remembered his brother had a dog he’d never met. So, he texted his brother, asking him to lock up his dog.
Heated Phone Conversations
Instead of just agreeing, his brother was furious!
OP wrote, “This turned into an argument of me not giving him enough notice, not having time to get the room ready, and several colorful names. I told him we were already on our way. He hung up on me.”
Horrifying Living Situation
When OP arrived with his mom at her house, he was horrified! The house was a “freaking pigsty!”
There was dog hair everywhere, the ceilings had cobwebs all over, and the kitchen walls were covered in grease. He added, “And, of course, the room wasn’t empty.”
Hasty Cleanup Operation
Determined to ensure a comfortable space for his mother, OP cleared the room in “under 10 minutes.” He also unpacked the truck in 45 minutes, swept, removed cobwebs, and took out the trash.
Everything was finished in just under two hours!
The End of It
OP’s brother then called him and “b******” about him disconnecting his internet, which was a jumbled mess on the floor. He also told OP that he was a “piece of s***” for “dumping” their mom off on him.
Lastly, he told OP that he never wanted to see him return to his mom’s house. So, now, OP’s asking, “Am I the a**hole?”
The Community’s Thoughts on the Issue
Some users were concerned about OP’s mother’s well-being after she was left under his brother’s care.
One asked, “I don’t really care about your brother right now. Is your mom going to be okay living there? Like, are her needs going to be met?”
Another person said, “You’re the a**hole. But only because it’s clearly not safe or healthy for your mother to remain in that house. Your brother has not kept it up and clearly has hoarder-like tendencies.”
Some users felt that OP’s brother should be kicked out of his mother’s house since he refused to assist in caring for her.
A lady said, “Not the a**hole. If he is benefiting by living in her house rent-free, then he should be able to help out. If he refuses, then maybe it’s time to kick him out and sell the house to help pay for her care.”
Some users recommended that OP sell his mother’s home and use the proceeds to pay for her medicine and hire a caregiver.
One person suggested, “Everyone sucks her. Get a power of attorney over your mother, sell her home, and use the money to get her into an assisted living so someone responsible can care for her.”
Another person also suggested, “Your poor mom. I know it’s hard to be the responsible one, but do you honestly think your brother is going to step up and care for your mom? Or leave her in her room to vegetate with minimal care? Should have discussed it with mom about the need to sell the house and put her in assisted living.”
Did OP make the right decision to leave his mother under his brother’s care? What do you think he should do?
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This post first appeared as He “Dumped” His Mom in His “Unreliable” Brother’s “Pigsty-Like” House, Tired of Being Her Sole Caregiver. His Sibling Needs to Step Up, but People Say He’s a Selfish, Cruel Jerk! on Quote Ambition.