A man’s 20-year-old daughter ate his wife’s birthday cake and opened her presents before she could get to them. When he confronted her, she said that he was being a jerk and refused to apologize!
The Wayward Student
OP’s (Original Poster) daughter is a 20-year-old woman who was attending college. She had a dorm on campus but didn’t want to stay there, choosing to live with her father instead.
OP admitted that his daughter can be a handful and is challenging to deal with. He added that “drama follows her everywhere,” and he had hoped she would grow out of it, but she never had.
Impossible to Deal With
As a result, OP said that his daughter had gone through “multiple friend groups.” She claimed that they were just jealous of her, which is why she didn’t hang out with them anymore.
A New Family
OP got married when his daughter was 18. He had never been married before, and his daughter’s biological mother had never been in the picture.
Doing It Right
OP knew that it would take time for everyone to adjust to each other, but he put great effort into doing it the right way. He didn’t introduce his daughter to his wife until they had been dating for two years.
All the Right Moves
He didn’t force his daughter to spend time with them and made boundaries like he would be the only one to dole out punishment to his daughter. He had even gone to therapy sessions with his daughter, though she had stopped going once she turned 18.
Despite all these efforts, now that they were married, OP’s daughter made it impossible for his wife and her to get along. What his wife did didn’t make any difference, and his daughter was never happy.
A Constant Contradiction
When his wife would call his daughter to dinner, she would act irritated that she had been disturbed. When his wife wouldn’t call her, she would get offended that she wasn’t invited to dinner.
What Is Wrong With You?
These contradictions continued despite the best efforts made by OP and his wife. When they would talk to her and his wife would try to do what his daughter suggested, she would get angrier, and both he and his wife felt it had become impossible.
The Fateful Birthday
Then, recently, OP had to get ready for his wife’s birthday. He set out the cake and presents and then went to work so everything would be ready when they all got home that evening.
She Did What?
When OP returned from work, he found all the presents opened and his daughter eating a piece of cake. He couldn’t believe it and asked her “what the f***” she was doing.
His daughter then told him that the reason she had done it was that his wife “didn’t deserve” any birthday presents. OP had heard enough and said to her that if she “hates her stepmom so much,” she could leave.
Back to College
OP told his daughter to go back to her dorm and that until she apologized, he didn’t want to see her. In response to this, his daughter started crying and called him a “jerk.”
Was a Mistake Made?
His daughter wouldn’t stop messaging OP, so he started to feel bad. He came to Reddit because he had begun to doubt his decisions and what he had done.
OP added, “I could be too harsh on her.”
What the Community Has to Say
Redditors poured into the comments section with definitive opinions about what OP and his daughter had done.
Most Redditors were stunned by the behavior his daughter had exhibited, with one saying, “An adult woman just deliberately ruined another’s birthday because she doesn’t like her. This is no longer passive behavior. She actively did something to hurt you and your wife. She isn’t a child. Stop treating her like one. Show her that actions have consequences and remind her you don’t have to forgive her for acting out in malice. Not the a**hole.”
More responded in the same fashion, with one of the most popular comments being, “Not the a**hole. She can stay in the dorm. I mean, what the f***? Who does that? ‘I am doubting my decision.’ Don’t. Your daughter has chosen to take the nuclear path of destruction. Kick her to her dorm. Further, threaten to stop paying for school if she’s going to behave this poorly. Give her selfish a** a wake-up call.”
Many Redditors also questioned whether or not the behavior was the result of something else, like incessant enabling on the part of her father.
One said, “Not the a**hole, but your reaction seems long overdue. Your daughter is clearly unreasonable, and at 20, you would not expect that kind of behavior from a normal individual.”
The top commenter also said, “Not the a**hole. I’m assuming this is your only child. It appears your daughter has some serious only child syndrome issues. Her behavior is so over-the-top and immature. Wow! An apology is not enough. She needs to get herself back into counseling and get some help. She has some problems that you and your wife are not equipped to deal with. Your daughter appears to have serious adjustment problems, and clearly, she is lacking interpersonal skills. Your wife is not the problem. Your daughter appears to have no ability to predict the consequences of her actions and decisions. That is alarming. Do not allow her to manipulate you anymore. You’re not doing her any favors by enabling her behavior.”
What do you think about OP and his daughter? Should he stand his ground, or did he go too far by kicking her out?
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This post first appeared as He Kicked His 20-Year-Old Daughter Out, Tired of Her Disrespecting His Wife. She’s “Immature” and “Manipulative,” and It’s Time She Learned Her Lesson! Was He Being a Harsh “Jerk?” on Quote Ambition.