This Redditor was ready to spend $150,000 for his son’s wedding, and his conditions weren’t hard to follow. However, his future daughter-in-law refused to bend, even for people important to him!
His Son and His Fiancé
OP (Original Poster) has three kids, one of them being Caleb. He and his fiancé, Ashley, are 26 and have been together for four years.
They recently got engaged, and OP offered to pay for their wedding with two stipulations.
OP gave the couple a budget of $150,000. Since it was a lot of money, he required them to hire a wedding planner.
He wrote, “I feel this is essential due to the size of the event and the amount of money going into it.”
Then, OP’s other condition was that he gets to invite eight people to the wedding. He said they were older relatives he was close with.
The Couple’s Decision
Caleb and Ashley had no problems hiring a wedding planner and said they’d find someone they were comfortable working with.
However, Ashley adamantly refused to let OP invite anyone.
I Don’t Know Them
Though Caleb knew the relatives OP wanted to invite, he was not “super close” with them. On the other hand, Ashley had only met them a few times.
OP wrote, “The wedding is going to be a very large and grand affair. She comes from a very large family, and we have a very large family. We’re expecting 300 to 400 guests.”
I Don’t Want Them There
Caleb doesn’t care about his dad’s requests. But he also said it made Ashley “uncomfortable” since she doesn’t know them well and “it’s her day.”
Important Family Members
However, for OP, they were much more than guests.
He wrote, “The eight people are my aunts and uncles. They helped me a lot with the kids. We don’t come from money; I was in a severe car accident that left me paralyzed from the waist down. With the lawsuit money, I made some investments that turned out to be very lucrative. Without their help with watching the kids and financially, I would have been up s**** creek without a paddle when my kids were younger.”
You’re a Jerk!
Ashley’s parents started coming after OP, saying he’s the “a**hole.” Even so, they refused to fund their daughter’s wedding financially.
But OP argued, “I don’t care about any of the other details of their wedding; whatever they choose is fine as long as I get the two things I want.”
She’s Not After the Money
In an edit, OP clarified that he was sure Ashley was not a gold digger. Her father is a “very well-respected” criminal defense attorney in their area, her mom runs a home business, and Ashley is currently a surgical intern in the same hospital where Caleb works as a registered nurse.
OP shared, “Her parents paid for all of them to go to college, which is why they’re not willing to contribute financially toward a wedding.”
Make Her Understand
OP set up a lunch date with Caleb to talk to him about the situation, and Caleb said that he hadn’t spoken to his fiancé about what those eight people had done for them in the past. He said that he didn’t realize that it would be a big deal for them to come and just figured that, due to their age, they would refuse the invitation.
Throughout their conversation, the two seemed to have an understanding that Ashley should understand how important the people OP was inviting were. OP said, “Ashley knows the majority of the family really well because I host birthday parties for all three kids as well as a Fourth of July barbecue every year. My aunts and uncles rarely attend the events that I throw because it’s hard for them to get around.”
A Meaningful Conversation
After Caleb talked to Ashely about the issue, the couple came over to have a conversation. During this time, Ashley apologized, saying she didn’t realize their significance.
OP shared, “She was concerned because they are pretty old school and like calm and relaxed and didn’t want them to have an issue with how they want their wedding. Her family is known for throwing huge bashes—think of the Sweet 16 from the Bratz movie. They always go big and very flamboyant and eccentric. We throw large parties, but ours are more country bonfires, hamburgers, hot dogs, BBQ, lawn games, etc.”
It’s Such a Big Amount!
OP also addressed the fact that $150,000 is a huge amount to spend on a wedding, and he said he was fully aware that this was the case. So, he shared a bit more background into his family’s and Caleb and Ashley’s financial standing.
He wrote, “They live in a house that Ashley owns. When her grandparents passed away, they gave her one of their vacation homes which she sold and bought the house she and Caleb currently live in, which is near the hospital they work at. Caleb owns a house that I gave to him as a graduation present that he rents out for additional income. They both own their cars, I paid for his education, and her parents paid for hers. They are debt-free and have their ducks in a row. I donate a significant amount of money to various charities—Ronald McDonald House, Make a Wish, Habitat for Humanity, and St. Jude’s.”
I Want to Give Them a Better Life
For OP, he needed to be able to give his kids what he never had. OP had a hard childhood, with his dad dying from an overdose when he was 16 and his mom passing away from cancer when he was 28.
Before all that, his dad bounced from job to job, and his mom worked three jobs to support OP and his brother. He said, “My wedding was $4,000 and small because that’s all I could afford at the time. I was planning on doing a bigger vowel renewal for our 10-year anniversary, but the car accident happened a year before then, and I felt so depressed at the time I did not want to go through with a big event.”
She’s a Wonderful Girl
OP noted that Caleb and Ashley getting engaged was “no surprise” since they’d been discussing it prior to their engagement. Even so, OP had no problems with Ashley becoming his daughter-in-law and said she’s a “wonderful girl.”
Up until this issue, he hadn’t encountered anything negative with her. He added, “The reason she hasn’t spent more time with my aunts and uncles is because she has a very rigorous schedule because of the internship. She said she would make sure she spends more time with them before the wedding and gets to know them better.”
The Community’s Take on the Matter
For users, OP was too generous. He only asked for invitations for 8 people while they had 400 guests, so to refuse was simply absurd!
A top commenter said, “Nope, not the a**hole. You are asking for 8 people and offering $150,000. I’m assuming you are not exerting control over anything else. I don’t think asking for 8 people when there are 300 is unreasonable.” Another person wrote, “I would seriously consider not paying for this wedding. The bride and her family seem obnoxious and entitled! Not the a**hole.”
Her Parents Are Entitled, Too!
Others have noted the behavior of Ashley’s parents, especially since, despite labeling OP a jerk, they appear unwilling to offer support or assistance.
“I particularly love how the bride’s parents call OP the a**hole but refuse to pay a dime of the wedding expenses. ‘We want you to do what we want but refuse to contribute in any way,’” wrote one Redditor.
What do you think? Should OP still fund their wedding?
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This post first appeared as He Refused to Fund His Son’s $150,000 Wedding After His Fiancé Declined His Request to Invite 8 Out of Their 400 Guests. She’s “Entitled” and Doesn’t Deserve a Free Ride! on Quote Ambition.