It was like this Redditor’s old wounds were reopened when his non-biological son, who chose to live with his “real dad,” came back. However, instead of wanting to reunite, he only wanted money!
Six years before this story was posted, OP (Original Poster) bought his eldest son a DNA test to help them find out who their ancestors were. However, they were left with more questions instead of getting those answers.
OP said, “I found out that my 12-year-old was not my biological son.” After that discovery, he had the rest of his kids’ DNA tested; it turns out that only half of the four kids were his.
Fortunately for OP, he and his wife signed a marriage contract “forfeiting marital property in the event of infidelity.” The DNA tests they had done were rock-solid proof.
OP wanted to separate from his wife as soon as possible.
He gave all his kids an ultimatum because, per OP, he didn’t want his ex-wife in his life at all. He said, “No co-parenting bulls**t!” He acknowledged that it was probably not the best decision to let the kids decide who they wanted to live with.
The kids were two boys, aged 12 and 7, and two girls, aged 10 and 8.
OP’s ex-wife decided to move to another state with one of her “many cheating partners,” and she was approximately 500 miles away. OP assumed all the kids would decide to stay with him.
He said, “I assumed they would all stay with me because my wife was a complete psycho; that I believe abused them.”
Couldn’t Be More Wrong
When the oldest child heard he had a “real dad” that wasn’t OP, he decided to live with his mom to have a relationship with his biological dad.
His Other Daughter
On the other hand, OP’s 10-year-old daughter’s biological dad passed away, and she had always been very close to OP. So, even with the truth out in the open, they had “no issues maintaining their father-daughter dynamic.”
To give some background to the issue, OP shared, “When each of my children was born, I immediately started putting away money for them in a fund for them to spend on college, house payment, or whatever really. I have done well in my business, and my oldest son’s fund is about $120,000.”
OP had initially planned to pay his ex-wife for child support and alimony, albeit these commitments would be “barely enough for them to live on.”
He said it was because they had agreed on a lower settlement when “her lawyers realized she had no chance in court due to her being the town bicycle.” However, OP did not expect his ex-wife to tell her son about “his” fund; he now expected that OP would pay this out.
Six Years Later
Six years after this all happened, OP’s “ex-son” is now 18 years old and planning to attend college. After almost a decade of not treating OP as his dad, he suddenly reached out to get his hands on the college fund.
This Isn’t for You
OP doesn’t believe the college fund he started should go to him; he said the funds were marital property and belonged to him.
He added, “This child calls another man father and has barely spoken to me in six years despite me making several attempts to reach out to him with birthday cards and offers for him to come for holidays.”
OP felt betrayed by what his “ex-son” did. So, he refused his request and told him, “These funds were started for my children, and had you decided to be my child, this fund would belong to you.”
He then hung up on him, and it was no surprise that his “ex-son” got angry, too. However, it seemed like he misunderstood some things.
You’re Doing This on Purpose!
OP’s “ex-son” was furious, and he responded by telling OP’s business partners that he “disowned his son because he was gay.” However, OP didn’t even know he was gay until this incident.
He wrote, “I have so little relationship with him that I didn’t even know he was gay until this incident, but he thought that my conservative values had something to do with him not getting the fund.”
I Have My Reasons
Even if his “ex-son” thought that way, OP wanted to clarify that his being gay wasn’t why he withheld the fund. He said he’s planning to give the fund to his soon-to-be stepson.
Flawed Point of View
OP ended by saying he might be an a**hole for withholding his college fund after his “ex-son” decided to live with his “real dad” instead.
He said, “I realize I am punishing a child for mistakes made when he was a 12-year-old, but at the same time, he did not want to be my child, and these funds were meant for my children.”
What the Community Thinks
For most of the people in the community, OP is a good man, and his heart is in the right place.
A top comment was, “One—not your kid. Two—the kid doesn’t think of you as a father. Three—ex-wife is a cheater. She and her spawn don’t deserve a single cent from you. Four—as you said, the money is yours.” The same person added, “The girl who is not your child but chose to be your child and have a relationship with you is still getting her funds. And that after you told your ‘not-son’ who wants nothing to do with you that the funds were for his children, he tried to ruin your career. This further justifies you. Not the a**hole.”
He’s Just Out for the Money
Redditors also pointed out that his “ex-son” was the one who chose to cut ties with him, even when he got a bit older.
One said, “The 18-year-old could have changed his mind and responded to OP’s attempts to keep in touch. But no. He only rematerializes with his hand out, expecting money. The hell with that!” Another wrote, “That’s the kicker. OP says he’s punishing the ‘ex-son’ for a decision made when he was 12. But that decision wasn’t just made when he was 12; it’s a decision he made when he was 12 and chose to reinforce every day for 6 years until he realized there might be a 6-figure payout.”
Do you think OP’s “ex-son” deserved the money? What would you tell him?
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This post first appeared as He Refused to Give His Non-biological Son His $120,000 College Fund After He Betrayed Him and Chose to Live With His “Real Dad.” Now His Ex-son Is Ruining His Reputation! on Quote Ambition.