He and his daughter agreed she’d do chores so she could live with him rent-free. But what kind of father is he when he allows his child’s studies to suffer, just because of an agreement?
A Student’s Living Conditions
OP (Original Poster) has a 20-year-old daughter living with him rent-free while she’s going to college.
Earning Her Space
When she moved back home, they made a deal, saying she would cook and clean as payment for her living there. She agreed to it, and they both thought it was fair.
A Serious Hindrance
However, recently, before OP shared this story, his daughter approached him and said that her chores are consuming most of her time, making it difficult for her to study and finish her homework.
Need a Little Help, Dad
She then asked OP if he could reduce the amount of days she has to cook so she could have more time for her studies.
Consider Yourself Lucky
But OP told her she should be grateful for the deal he offered her, adding that it’s “not that hard” to do a few hours of chores compared to what “many children her age are going through.”
He said, “I pointed out that some of her peers are working nine to five while going to school simultaneously, and I’ve given her the luxury of just handling some household chores in exchange for free housing.”
His Daughter’s Ally
Out of frustration, his daughter called her aunt without him knowing to complain about his treatment of her. Afterward, his sister contacted him to scold him and said that he was being too strict and should listen to his daughter.
In a State of Dilemma
OP then became unsure if he was being an “a**hole” because he wanted to keep the agreement that he and his daughter made. At the same time, what his sister said made him question his stance.
Because She’s a Woman
In an update, OP clarified some things that he thinks Redditors might have misunderstood. He said that he’s not s***** for making his daughter cook for her sons, who are only children.
He wrote, “They don’t know how to cook, let alone clean themselves.”
Give and Receive Situation
Aside from that, he also said that he’s not trying to take advantage of his daughter, making it clear that “a lot of people her age would die to be in the position she’s in right now.”
Because he’s paying for her education, all he expects back from her is a homemade meal.
She’s Got a Decision to Make
In another update, OP shared that he’s now leaning toward making an ultimatum with his daughter.
He said, “Either she can get a job and pay some of the rent, so she no longer has to consistently cook and clean, or she can continue with the deal I initially offered her.”
Nothing Compared to What He’s Been Through
As a compromise, he might change some days she has to do her chores to where she has more free time to do them. He believes that if she decides to get a job, she will eventually realize just how good their first agreement was.
He added, “Some may think I’m being harsh, but my stance is different on that because at her age, I was going to school, and I paid full rent by myself with no help from my family. So I believe this to be a fair compromise.”
People’s Points of View
OP choosing not to listen to his daughter’s concerns just shows how bad of a parent he is. He could have considered making some adjustments so that her workload would ease up.
The top commenter wrote, “You’re the a**hole for not listening properly to your daughter. You say, ‘Many people do this, that, and the other,’ well your daughter is not many people. She is overwhelmed with the sum of her duties right now. She is just asking you not to have to cook some days of the week so that she may catch up on her schoolwork. Is that so terribly unreasonable? I don’t think so. You could let her not cook on the weekend, and the whole arrangement could be evaluated in three months to see how it works for your family. That would be a reasonable arrangement.”
The Villain in Her Story
Other people pointed out that OP’s acting as if the 20-year-old is not his daughter but a maid he can command anytime!
A Redditor commented, “You’re the a**hole. You sound like Cinderella’s stepmother. This is your daughter, who is attending college, and you’re treating her like a full-time maid. You are not asking her to do some chores. You have her cooking and cleaning full-time for a family. That’s a huge difference. At the very least, the cooking needs to stop. You cook for your children and clean up after them. Then, if you want to assign a list of weekly chores, fine. Things that are done once and completed until next week, but not daily cleaning up after three people. That’s exhausting, and that’s your job.”
Don’t You Have a Heart?
Redditors find it so unbelievable and heartbreaking that there are parents in this world like OP who want their children to suffer rather than make their lives easier.
Someone said, “You’re the a**hole. Some of the parents here on Reddit are really heartbreaking. She’s just 20, and you’re making her cook and clean every day like a maid while she’s going to college? She’s your child. Let her study. I feel so lucky to have my parents when I see posts like these.”
The same person wrote, “Shouldn’t you provide for your kid until she becomes independent? Do you want to be the reason she does not succeed? Because, guess what? She was too busy cooking and cleaning while she was supposed to study. Do you people just have kids so you can alienate them as soon as possible and bring on bulls*** like ‘rent’ as soon as they turn 18? That’s still your kid who’s asking for your help.”
What are your opinions on OP’s story? Do you think he was being fair and reasonable?
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This post first appeared as He Refused to Give In to His Daughter’s Requests, Forcing Her to Cook and Clean Instead of Studying. He Says Living With Him Rent-Free Is a “Luxury,” but He’s Just a Horrible Dad! on Quote Ambition.
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