All this time, he’s been wondering what problem his wife and sister-in-law have for them not to be close. When he discovered the reason, he was horrified and reconsidered having kids with her!
Building a Family
OP (Original Poster), 30, and his 32-year-old wife, Jessica, have been married for 2 years and are trying to have a baby. All was going well until one hiccup during a family celebration that OP’s sister-in-law attended.
Leave It as It Is
Jessica has an older sister named Mary, who isn’t close to her. She told OP that they had a huge argument over a “family drama” that led them not to speak to each other anymore.
OP had asked about the matter several times, but Jessica would say she’d prefer not to talk about it and that she doesn’t think it’s important.
The day before OP shared this story, it was Jessica’s brother’s birthday, and everyone came to his house to celebrate. Mary was also present, and according to OP, “there was a lot of drama.”
A Horrifying Revelation
In a nutshell, Mary called Jessica and their brother out for still having a relationship with their father, even though they knew he was a “child molester.”
OP wrote, “No one was paying her any mind, and I was really confused about what the hell was going on.”
A Petrifying Moment
OP wished he could accurately describe how Mary looked and sounded that day, saying it sent shivers down his spine. She looked furious but so defeated at the same time, all while everyone was looking at her like she was losing it.
He said, “I still can’t wrap my head around it. I want to reach out to her and check if she’s alright, but I don’t know how appropriate that will be.”
Time for the Ultimate Truth
When Mary left, and OP and Jessica went home, he asked his wife what that was all about.
Finally, she told him that when they were kids, Mary used to “claim” that their dad was molesting her. OP asked his wife if that was true, and she stuttered a lot.
A Forced Confession
She admitted she knew her father “used to do bad things” and that Mary cut off all contact with them when she turned 18 and moved out. OP asked Jessica if she was confessing that she knew her dad was a child molester and did things to his own daughter.
Neglecting the Victim
Shockingly, Jessica sided with her father, saying he “doesn’t do it anymore” and was just in a “really bad place in his life.” She said her dad had already apologized to Mary and that there was “nothing else” anyone could do for her.
OP said, “I was honestly appalled. I also feel so terrible for Mary.”
Jessica said everything as if Mary was the one who did something wrong and deserved to be excluded from the family.
OP wrote, “I could’ve never imagined that this is what happened.”
So, OP asked his wife if she expects him now to be pleased to have her father around their future kids. But Jessica started shouting at him, saying he was “judging” her dad over something that happened two decades ago.
Nowhere to Escape
Moreover, Jessica told him that whether he liked it or not, her dad would be their kid’s grandfather, and it was inevitable for him to be in their lives. However, for OP, this wasn’t something he could easily accept.
Changing His Mind
OP then said that if his wife insists on it, he thinks they need to take a pause on having kids and have serious conversations about it. Jessica was furious with OP, but honestly, he doesn’t know how he could react better than that.
He said, “This feels like a huge deal that she is minimizing. Am I the a**hole?”
Skeletons in the Closet
In the comments section, OP wrote that his wife doing everything she could to hide the fact from him is a massive part of why he was furious at her. There were particular instances when she had gone out of her way to keep the whole thing from him.
If Mary hadn’t been at her brother’s birthday party, OP would still be in the dark.
Nothing to Hold Against Him?
In another comment, OP shared that Jessica’s father never went to prison and was never reported to the police. There’s also no evidence of what he did, which means OP would have no case or power to prevent him from being in OP’s future kids’ lives.
He added, “I don’t want to feel helpless in what happens to my children. I don’t want to fail them like that. I don’t think I should even have them with her at any point now that this has all come to light.”
For users, whatever happens, Jessica will always excuse her father’s wrongdoings and crimes, even if it’s on her own kids.
A Redditor wrote, “Honestly, I wouldn’t trust your wife around future children. She knowingly helped hide a child molester because ‘he was just in a bad place.’ That is not the kind of person I’d ever trust with a child. Not the a**hole.”
Another person said, “If she’ll skim over the trauma he caused her sister, then it’ll be brushed off as nothing if it’s their kid! ‘Oh, it couldn’t have been like that,’ making excuses for her father at every turn. If OP wants kids, he better run!”
Redditors think OP should leave his wife and suggest he talk to an organization that cares for victims like Mary.
A commenter suggested, “Not the a**hole, and run! Please talk to someone from RAINN. They are an organization for victims of s***** assault. This is not something minor like occasionally being crabby with your kids in the mornings when you have a migraine. This is a crime. I know a victim of child s***** abuse, and many years later and thousands of dollars in therapy, this woman is still hurting. You need to get out now!”
Denial and Traumas
One Redditor bravely shared what happened to them and how it is impossible for molesters to stop abusing children.
One person shared, “My mother denied being touched by her stepfather her whole life and suffered depression and anxiety. Unfortunately, that denial included allowing her three children to be exposed to this man. He molested all three of us. The trauma for me didn’t surface until I was 18. My sister and brother took the drugs and alcohol route to bury the trauma. I was lucky enough to join the military and never did drugs or much alcohol.”
The same commenter added, “Child molesters don’t stop at one child, and if I had to bet, I’d say your wife was probably molested as well, but she’s in denial. Good luck, OP. It’s not easy navigating other’s trauma. As many have said, please don’t have children with this woman. She will expose your potential children to her father just like my mom did.”
Would it be reasonable for OP to leave his wife for defending an abuser? What do you think he should do?
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This post first appeared as He Refused to Have Kids With His Wife After She Defended Her Dad Who Molested His Sister-In-Law. She Says He’s “Just in a Bad Place,” but All He Can See Is an Abuse Apologist! on Quote Ambition.