This Redditor clashed with his wife when he refused to help her sister out financially. They have no room in their family’s budget, and he’ll never sacrifice his kids for others. Was he wrong?
Responsible Parents to Their Kids
OP (Original Poster) and his wife are in their late 30s, and they’ve been married for 12 years. The couple has also been blessed with three kids, aged 10, 8, and 5.
To support their family, the couple works full-time and has the kids in daycare in the summer until school starts again.
Comfortable Financial Status
They both make “decent money,” but their budget is getting tighter with inflation and the cost of everything skyrocketing.
He wrote, “We still live comfortably within our means, but we are saving much less and are being more conscious of our discretionary spending.”
Offsetting Amounts
Their youngest child will be starting kindergarten in the fall, so OP said it would help alleviate their budgeting issues since they won’t have to spend on daycare anymore.
Even so, it wouldn’t make much of a difference to their overall finances since their two older kids are now more into sports and other extracurricular activities. The money they’d spend there would “pretty much offset” any savings they have on childcare.
Just Enough
Though their family’s not in a financial bind, OP’s not comfortable spending outside their limits.
OP shared, “We aren’t anywhere near struggling, but we are definitely more aware of how we spend our money now.”
An Irresponsible Sister-In-Law
The tricky part of OP’s story starts with his wife’s younger sister, Jen, who is 30. She’s six months pregnant with her third child.
The problem is that she’s unmarried, and “this is her third different baby daddy.” OP added, “Only one of the first two fathers is involved; the other is a complete deadbeat who regularly skips child support payments.”
An SOS Call
Jen recently called OP’s wife, freaking out. She said her third baby’s dad left her, and now she needs help—whether it be money, a place to stay, or anything they could offer.
Each Other’s Go-to Person
Unfortunately, OP’s parents-in-law, his wife and Jen’s parents, already passed away. They have no other siblings, and they only have each other.
So, it’s only natural for his wife to want to do whatever she can to help.
Not the Best Situation
However, even if she wanted to, for OP, it simply wasn’t feasible.
He shared, “We don’t have the space to house them and don’t have a lot of extra money to give them either.”
Monthly Financial Aid
According to OP’s wife, she planned to give Jen a few hundred dollars every month, and she also wanted to offer to watch Jen’s two older kids so her sister could keep working.
OP, however, thinks there are better solutions than this. He thinks it’s “short-sighted” because Jen won’t be able to work after the new baby comes.
One Time Big Time
Contrary to OP’s wife’s idea, he wanted to dip into their savings and pay for a lawyer for Jen. He thinks getting someone who could help Jen acquire the child support she was owed would be of better help.
OP said, “I would rather bite a bigger bullet once than death by a thousand cuts over months and months. But my wife says that won’t help put food on Jen’s table every week.”
What Would You Sacrifice?
Because they couldn’t come up with a decision, OP decided to lay out their budget and ask his wife where they could make cuts to support Jen. He told her he just couldn’t see it.
He also asked her what she’d be willing to give up or what she’d have their kids go without so they could support Jen.
Blowing Up!
When faced with the facts, OP’s wife got angry at OP and called him “heartless” for not wanting to help. Their discussion turned into a fight, and in a fit of anger, OP ended up telling his wife that she needed to “work more” or “get a second job” if she wanted to help her sister.
He told her he wasn’t compromising their family budget long-term for Jen.
Conjugal Finances
OP explained that all their finances were shared, so they didn’t have their “own” money to use however they wanted. So, his wife would really have to work more if she wanted to do what she planned.
The Pros and Cons
OP’s not 100% against helping his sister-in-law. However, he is against letting his family suffer.
He wrote, “I also know that my wife and I are the only family Jen has, and I agree that we should help. But adding hundreds or possibly more to our monthly budget isn’t going to work. Jen needs more help than we can provide, and she needs to find resources that can do that for her. But my wife thinks I am being an uncaring a**hole about this.”
Redditors’ Two Cents
Users supported OP’s decision, telling him he did the right thing and should stick by it. He’s thinking for his family, and that’s what matters.
“She dodged the question that needed to be asked and played a guilt trip on top of it. Not the a**hole. Stay the course. Your sister-in-law has made her own bed and can continue lying in it,” commented one man.
Another said, “Your home and your children should not be punished or suffer the consequences of your sister-in-law’s decisions. What will happen if there is a fourth or even a fifth nephew? Is it going to be a constant situation in which your children cannot have benefits for this? Your sister-in-law has to deal with the consequences of her actions and put her life in order. Otherwise, her behavior will only escalate, and you will be the ones harmed by it. Not the a**hole. Stand your ground.”
Learn to Be Responsible!
People also called OP’s sister-in-law out for how she acted. For them, it’s not right that she always has to rely on her sister’s handouts.
One wrote, “Your sister-in-law seems to be under the impression that she has a safety net. She doesn’t. She has her sister and her brother-in-law. But they’re not an endless resource. I’m certain if she was more concerned with keeping afloat, she would be on her birth control like flies on s***.”
The same person said, “OP and his wife can’t be the fall guys. They’re just not equipped and not made of endless resources. If they were, then it would be a different story if they wanted to help his sister-in-law. But that’s not the reality they live in.”
Do you think OP should stand his ground? What advice would you give him?
More From Quote Ambition
This Reddit user expressed her frustrations online when a grown man refused to move to the next piece of equipment so she could use the machine for her one-minute circuit workout!
She Refused to Give Her Mother-In-Law the Money Her Rich Husband Left for Their Children After He Died, Now People Consider Her a Selfish Woman
Family problems continued following this Redditor after she followed her dead husband’s wishes and saved the money he left for their kids.
He Told His Son-In-Law He Was Not His Grandson’s Biological Parent and Therefore Had No Right to Stop Him From Seeing His Mom
In this Reddit thread, a grandfather takes it upon himself to make decisions for his grandson’s life. But is his judgment something his grandson’s parents can trust?
She Banned Her Future Mother-In-Law From Attending Her Wedding, and Things Just Got Chaotic for the Soon-To-Be Wedded Couple
A Reddit user wants to know if she’s in the wrong for banning her fiancé’s mom from her big day after she spouts hurtful words at her and her daughter.
Was He Right For Telling His Bratty And Spoiled Sister-in-Law He Never Liked Her When She Suddenly Confessed Her Feelings for Him?
This Reddit user wants to know if he’s wrong for telling his sister-in-law he never liked her after she told him her feelings. He got brutally honest and told her he’d hated her ever since!
This post first appeared as He Refused to Help His Pregnant, Single-Mom Sister-In-Law Financially and Told His Wife to “Get a Second Job” if She Wanted To. Now He’s Called an “Uncaring, Heartless Jerk!” on Quote Ambition.
