He spent years saving for a car for his stepdaughter’s birthday and was finally about to purchase one. However, things took a turn when his biological daughter asked to borrow the money!
And Then There Were Two
OP (Original Poster) is a father of 2 children: his 26-year-old biological daughter and his 18-year-old stepdaughter. He noted that he was extremely “lucky” that he was able to establish a good relationship based on mutual trust and respect with his stepkid.
Stepdaughter’s Clues
In fact, he started raising his stepdaughter when she was only two. They became so close that OP didn’t even consider her a stepchild; she was his daughter through and through.
Then, OP explained that she had always dreamed of owning a car, and for years, she gave hints that she wanted one for her 18th birthday. So, OP took it upon himself to try and save up for it.
The Only Thing Left to Do
It took him years to save up enough money to buy a decent car for his stepdaughter as a gift, and he felt thrilled that he achieved this goal because he knew how much it meant to her. When he posted this story, OP hasn’t bought a car yet and is looking for one around $10,000 to $13,000.
A Babyless Situation
On the other hand, his biological daughter has been struggling with infertility. She and her 33-year-old husband of 4 years, who has a medical condition to manage, weren’t successful in trying the clinical route.
Due to financial struggles, they had to stop trying for a year.
Visits and Unexpected Arguments
A week before OP posted on Reddit, he visited his 26-year-old daughter, and she told him that she was getting ready to go through another round of IVF. They talked about the money, and that’s when she brought up the money OP saved for his stepdaughter’s gift.
OP wrote, “I tried cutting the conversation, but she asked if she could borrow the money and she’ll repay me in a few months. I said no because what’s the use of getting the money in a few months when I want to buy my stepdaughter the car this month.”
Son-In-Law’s Demands
Then, his daughter’s husband pointed out how his parents helped with the past treatments’ costs and that it’s his turn now since they were family. He even said that OP’s stepdaughter can get the car anytime, but “logically,” the money should go to a “better cause.”
What Are the Chances?
Still, OP declined because it would be his stepdaughter’s last birthday before moving away for college, and he didn’t want to disappoint her. His daughter retorted and said she wasn’t asking for a fancy new car; she just wanted to be a mother.
OP honestly stated that even if he gave her the money, there was no guarantee that the treatment would work this time.
You’re Simply Insane!
His son-in-law involved himself again and told OP that he had his priorities “messed up.” He questioned his sanity, asking who, “in their right mind,” would see their child struggle with something so “massive” and still “refuse” to help.
He said that OP was prioritizing a car over a prospective grandkid that every grandparent of sound mind dreams of having.
No One Else to Turn To
OP then asked why there wasn’t anyone else besides his son-in-law’s parents helping, and his daughter said they had already asked other people for money, but they were struggling with debt because of her medication.
OP added, “I said even if the treatment pays off, then what? Did she really think having a baby while struggling with debts was a good idea?”
A Child Amid Financial Struggles
His daughter was silent and couldn’t respond. On the flip side, OP’s son-in-law was furious and told him to leave.
He said he wouldn’t call OP “selfish” anymore since he already knew he was, given how “defensive” he was acting. Without arguing further, OP left.
Involving Other People
Afterward, OP’s sister had a fight with his wife and argued with him, saying he got carried away in “spoiling” his stepdaughter to “please” his spouse. His sister accused him of “neglecting” his biological daughter and even highlighted her struggles.
According to OP, “She kept insisting I do the right thing, but I was mad that my daughter told her. Even more upset that my son-in-law wanted to talk to my stepdaughter about it and spoil the surprise.”
A Matter of Respect
Additionally, OP’s not on good terms with his daughter’s parents-in-law because of “how they are” in general, especially his son-in-law’s mother. OP had always tried to remain “civil,” but everything changed when his in-law started “insulting” his wife.
He added, “My wife no longer wants to be around this woman, and it’s understandable, but we’re getting a lot of heat from my son-in-law for how we’re reacting.”
External Pressure
OP’s not sure why his daughter and her husband need the money now since they’re still young and can save up on their own. However, he thinks that his child is getting pressured by his son-in-law and his family, and adoption is not an option because of “their mentality.”
What the Community Thinks
Most people from the comments said that since it’s OP’s money, he has the right to decide what he wants to do with it.
The top commenter wrote, “Not the a**hole. Whether you saved the money for a car, IVF, or hookers and blow, it’s your money, and they’re not entitled to it.”
“The entitlement is not okay, and honestly, it’s their desire to have children. They are the ones that explicitly have that wish, want, and need. So it is a selfish thing to do as well, to take money that has been saved for another purpose from somebody else,” commented another Redditor.
The Audacity!
Then, others pointed out that even if OP’s daughter is his child, she’s already an adult, and so is her husband, and it’s unbelievable how they still expect their parents to pay for them. Aside from that, Redditors commended OP for what he has done and is planning to do for his stepdaughter.
A Redditor commented, “Wow. It blows my mind that adults think that their parents ‘owe them’ money. Like honestly, these are two adults who think they have a right to your money because they want a child. That is absolutely ridiculous. I would never expect my parents to give me any money for children, weddings, houses, etc.”
The same person wrote, “You are absolutely not the a**hole, and I applaud you for sticking to your guns for your other daughter. What a lovely gift to give her and a lovely way to celebrate her birthday. Your daughter and son-in-law both sounds like complete a**holes, and you are right to bring up the fact that they should not be having a child if they are not financially able to support it.”
No Money, No Baby
OP was correct when he mentioned having a baby while struggling with debts. If his daughter really wants to proceed with the treatment, then she and her husband can save up and pay for it themselves.
A commenter wrote, “Not the a**hole. If she can pay you back in a few months, they can wait a few months to pay for it themselves. And if they can’t afford the treatment, they can’t afford the child. Also, I know some other commenters have said to ask your stepdaughter, but please don’t do that. If you do, you are putting the onus on your daughter to be the good or bad guy, and that’s completely unfair.”
The same person added, “No amount of you supporting her choice will change it, and your older daughter and family will feel like they then have grounds to call your younger daughter selfish and all sorts of other horrible things. Stand your ground and use the money the way you want.”
If you were OP, would you lend your daughter the money? Do you think OP’s reason for refusing is valid?
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This post first appeared as He Refused to Lend His Infertile Biological Daughter the $13,000 He Saved for His Stepdaughter’s 18th Birthday Gift. IVF Is Her Only Hope, so Relatives Say He’s “Neglecting” His Child! on Quote Ambition.
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