This Redditor did all he could to make his stepdaughter feel loved, but she always hated him. After years of cutting him off from her life, she reached out only to ask for money!
A Fresh Start
OP’s (Original Poster) first wife died when their sons were eight and four. He has since remarried, and he and his new wife have been together for around 11 years now.
His new wife was also married before and had a daughter from her past relationship. When OP and his second wife got married, OP’s sons were 13 and 9, and his stepdaughter was 12.
He tried to connect with his stepdaughter for 11 years. OP said he would get her gifts and do his best to ensure she always got what she wanted.
OP wrote, “I did everything I could to make her happy.”
OP would also drive her to school and attend her extra-curricular activities. He also paid for the “nicest private schools” he could afford.
He also shared, “I worked day and night so I could give her the lifestyle she deserved. I tried my best and treated her just like my sons, but she continued to hate me.”
Everything got worse when OP’s stepdaughter graduated—around five years before this story was posted. He shared that when his eldest son graduated, he invited OP and his stepmom to his graduation; on the flip side, his stepdaughter refused to invite him.
OP wrote, “She had two tickets, but she only invited her mother.” He said she invited her maternal grandparents, who refused since they lived in India, OP’s wife’s native country.
Breaking His Heart
OP confronted his stepdaughter and asked her why she hadn’t invited him. However, her answer broke his heart.
His stepdaughter said, “You’re not my dad. You didn’t raise me, and I don’t want you in my life.” This took a toll on OP since he did everything he could so she could like him, but she hated him—he even paid for her college education as he did with his sons.
News on Nuptials
A few months before this story was posted, OP’s wife informed him that his stepdaughter would get married. OP only found out through his wife; his stepdaughter didn’t tell him anything.
A Night of Celebrations
OP’s stepdaughter said she would be coming home so they could celebrate. So, he bought a cake, balloons, and more.
However, she changed her plans at the last minute and told OP’s wife that she should come to her apartment—alone, without OP and his sons. Once again, OP’s heart was shattered.
He still didn’t give up and instead called his stepdaughter to congratulate her. However, she tried to end the conversation as quickly as possible.
OP tried one more time and asked her if she could give him the honor of a father-daughter dance, which she again shot down.
Pay For My Wedding!
OP didn’t voice out any of his pain and frustrations. However, one day, he was sent a bill and shared, “My wife said she needed some money for her wedding.”
He thought about it “long and hard,” but she clearly didn’t consider him as her father. So, OP said he wouldn’t be paying for it.
Not a Minor Financial Inconvenience
Aside from his stepdaughter not considering him her dad, OP also said that financing the wedding would be “far from a minor financial inconvenience.” He said that he was “sufficiently wealthy,” but it would not be something that would go easy on his bank account.
OP explained, “My wife’s family is Indian. Her ex-husband was Indian, and my stepdaughter was Indian. Her wedding is going to have probably around 400-600 people.”
OP told his wife that she had money saved, and it was her choice to use it on her daughter if she wanted to. She was a housewife, and he said, “It is also true that my money has always been our money.”
He added, “If she really wanted to, she could do it without my approval. More than half the money is in bank accounts with her name on them. If she wanted to, she could. She never has, and I do not think she will. If she does, that will be her choice, and even if she told me she was going to, I do not think I would stop her.”
However, OP’s wife didn’t take it nicely. She was furious at him and said she barely had any money saved and that he was an “awful person.”
Messy Family Matters
After discussing with his wife, OP received calls from his wife’s family—mainly his brother-in-law and father-in-law—telling him he should pay.
He said, “The whole thing has become a mess. It has divided our family, but I am still holding my ground.”
The Community’s Reactions
For Redditors, OP is not the a**hole in this scenario. It was his stepdaughter’s choice to cut him off from her life.
“Your stepdaughter said you are not her dad. You are not obliged to pay for her wedding since you are not her dad, even though you tried and supported her. Ask them to ask for money from her biological dad. That’s the very least they can do. At this age, her daughter will never accept you as a father figure, so you can accept that fact and act accordingly,” advised a top commenter.
Some people also think OP’s wife’s family only considered him a source of funds.
One wrote, “I wonder if the wife’s family has ever seen OP as anything more than an ATM. Now that the ATM has refused to dispense any more money, they are furious. How much more is OP supposed to bend over backward for them? Just say good riddance, OP. You’ll be better off without them.”
She’s Being Unreasonable
The community also called OP’s stepdaughter out for her shameless and entitled actions.
A user shared, “At some point, you’ve gotta cut your losses. OP did his best to bond with his stepdaughter, even paying for her college after she refused to even let him come to her graduation. She can’t keep pushing him away, then turn around and demand money from him. That’s unreasonable; you need to actually maintain a relationship with someone if you want them to do something for you.”
What do you think? How should OP go about this?
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This post first appeared as His Stepdaughter Told Him, “You’re Not My Dad; I Don’t Want You in My Life,” and Turned Her Back on Him. Now She Expected Him to Fund Her 500-Person Wedding, but He Refused! on Quote Ambition.