His and the groom’s parents believed they were destined for each other, but they naturally went separate ways. But because of their past, the bride doesn’t want him at the wedding!
Put Me in a Box
OP (Original Poster) is a female-to-male transgender who doesn’t appear male due to a lack of hormones and because of his unaccepting family. In their eyes, he will always be a woman and “wife material” to someone.
This is one of the root causes of OP’s dilemma now.
OP and her friend, Calvin, grew up as sandbox kids and neighbors. They took baths together and spent every moment of the first 14 years of their lives with each other, from preschool to trips their parents would take them on.
What Fate Dictates
OP’s and Calvin’s parents are best friends for life. From the very start, their parents have always said that they were “destined” to get married.
Even when they were kids, Calvin would always say that OP would be the one he’d wed. True enough, OP admitted that he did have a crush on Calvin when they were younger but never wanted to marry him.
The Nerd and the Jock
When they were in high school, they grew apart. There was no hostility; they just happened to have different interests.
OP added, “And I was an unattractive nerd while he was the star of the football team, as cliché as it sounds. We’d still see each other on occasion through holiday parties and neighborhood dinners.”
Leading Different Lives
Now that they’re 30, OP feels much better about himself and has found success in his single life. On the other hand, a year prior, Calvin had announced he was engaged to JJ, his bride, and OP was invited to the wedding.
It didn’t bother OP that Calvin was marrying someone else. In fact, he said, “I mourned our childhood for a moment, but that was it. We’re two very different adult people at this point in time. No point in obsessing over it.”
Since Calvin has pretty much been like a brother, even though they’re not close anymore, OP’s parents treat JJ like their daughter-in-law. Both OP’s and Calvin’s families adore and love JJ and always speak highly of her.
OP wrote, “All three mothers went dress shopping, and my mother expressed dearly how much she loved JJ’s dress and how beautiful she was in it.”
While OP was out of town, there was a holiday party again with their families, and his parents attended. Apparently, both families and even Calvin reminisced and mentioned OP upon sharing his baby photos, saying they always thought the two of them would be engaged.
OP noted, “It didn’t seem to be in a bad way, just kind of a joke.”
Threatened by Their History
Afterward, as OP’s mom said, JJ appeared to be “really intimidated” by OP and the past.
Life Happens; Let Go
Apparently, their families still held onto the thought that OP still wanted to marry Calvin. Of course, he was a bit disappointed, but he said it’s similar to letting go of a childhood crush on Peter Pan.
He wrote, “I’m not heartbroken about it, and I don’t feel like anything was taken from me.”
Uninvited by the Bride
Eventually, JJ found OP on Facebook and messaged him, saying she’d appreciate it if OP didn’t attend the wedding. JJ reasoned that she saw OP as Calvin’s “ex” even though they never had a relationship.
Following His Own Will
But OP just left JJ on read and went to the wedding anyway to support his friend, who was thankful he was present. He then wished them well at the dinner table and returned to minding his own business and talking with the other neighbors, Calvin’s family, and others.
How Dare You Go Against Me?
Not long after, JJ contacted OP again, saying she was “extremely disappointed” in OP and that his presence at the wedding “ruined” JJ’s image of having a “perfect wedding.” OP hasn’t shared his encounter with JJ with anyone, and he doesn’t think he ever will.
He said, “I don’t feel close enough to Calvin anymore to put a damper on his relationship.”
What’s Done Is Done
OP thought that JJ seemed nice enough from what he’d heard from everyone, so that made him wonder if he actually ruined JJ’s wedding by being an “a**hole” and showing up despite JJ’s request.
The Community’s Thoughts
People told OP that he better stop their families from talking about his and Calvin’s past, given that the latter is already married.
The top commenter wrote, “Not the a**hole. But I hope you’ve been talking to whoever has ‘apparently’ been talking about how you wanted to marry Calvin and shutting that s*** down.”
The community thinks JJ should have had a sincere conversation with Calvin about her troubles with OP. Then, people suggested OP keep his distance.
A Redditor wrote, “Not the a**hole. She f***** this up for herself very badly by not communicating her feelings to her spouse like an adult does. Attempting to unilaterally uninvite her spouse’s close friend without telling him is her childish mistake. Ignoring it is probably what I would have done. It sounds like you’re close enough to him that you wanted to be there but not so close that you’d wade into the drama between him and his wife.”
The same person added, “Sadly, I’d probably continue to keep my distance. If she or anyone ever really presses you for a response, I think it’s totally fair to say that you were really uncomfortable about her doing this behind Calvin’s back, didn’t know how to engage with it without creating drama right before the wedding, and figured you’d respect the wishes of your actual friend while keeping a respectful distance, which is what you did.”
Simply Don’t Go
Redditors shared that if the bride had already told OP not to attend the wedding, he should have respected that.
Someone said, “I can’t call you an a**hole because you officially had an invite. But if a spouse reached out to me asking me not to go, I’m not going out of respect for that person on their wedding day. I was going to go, ‘everyone sucks here,’ but I don’t know if JJ talked to the husband about it or not.”
What can you say about the matter? Was OP wrong for going to her friend’s wedding despite being uninvited by the bride?
More From Quote Ambition
This Redditor turned to the community for advice after being called out for being a horrible woman for not wanting to raise a baby born from her ex-husband’s affair. Was she wrong to refuse?
An Entitled Woman Refused to Vacate His Assigned Seat on a Five-Hour Flight. So, He Kicked and Yanked the Chair Every Two Minutes, Ensuring There’s “Extra Turbulence” All Flight Long!
He got annoyed when a woman wouldn’t budge and get off his assigned plane seat, saying she was “already comfortable.” So, he devised a plan to make sure she’d regret every second of it!
She Left Her Cousin’s Wedding and Took Her $1,000 Gift Back After the Groom’s Family Ruined Her Dress for Being “Inappropriate.” They Want the Money Back, but It’s Too Late
OP (Original Poster) was stoked to attend her favorite cousin’s wedding. However, little did she know it would become one of the worst experiences of her life yet!
A Woman Noticed Their Security Cameras Glitched Only When Her Husband Was Home Alone. He Flipped Out After Being Confronted, but She Wants to Get to the Bottom of Things!
This Redditor’s home security cameras kept on glitching whenever her husband was home alone. Suspicious of what was causing this, she asked her husband, but instead of remaining calm, he got defensive!
He Begged His Neighbors to Extinguish Their Fire So His Dying Dog Could Spend One Last Day Outdoors, but They Showed No Sympathy. So, He Ensured They Learned Their Lesson!
He only wanted to give his dog a day in his backyard before putting her down. However, things didn’t go as planned when his neighbors decided to light a fire so close to them!
This post first appeared as He Refused to Miss His Childhood Crush’s Wedding, so He Ignored the “Insecure” Bride’s Demands and Went Anyway. Now She Says She’s “Extremely Disappointed” He “Ruined” Her Supposedly “Perfect” Day! on Quote Ambition.