This bride always dreamed of having an intimate ceremony with people she was truly close with. But her mom had other ideas, wanting to invite people she barely spoke to all her life!
A 2023 Bride
OP (Original Poster) was getting married in April of 2023. She posted the story in November of 2022 and mentioned they were about to start sending out their invitations.
During this time, she asked her mom for a list of family members or a few friends she’d maybe like to invite.
Covering All the Bases
OP mentioned that she and her fiancé already had a list of about 135 people. They agreed they only wanted immediate family—grandparents, aunts, uncles, and first cousins—to be there.
She wrote, “Our immediate families are included in our list.”
A Whopping 140 People!
Then, her mom returned with an additional 61 family members and 80 of her friends!
OP and her fiancé’s wedding venue would only allow up to 200 people. Even so, they both wanted to keep it under 150 guests for budget purposes and because they only wanted people they knew to be there.
She immediately refused her mom’s requests and instead told her she only had 20 additional spots.
A Huge Fit
Upon hearing their daughter’s decision, OP’s mom and her dad threw a “huge fit.” They were furious, telling OP many hurtful words.
A Chapel in Vegas
One of the things they told her was to find a chapel in Vegas to get married in.
OP wrote, “She and my dad told me if I was going to be like this, I should just get married in Vegas without anyone there.”
Destroying the Relationship
Her parents then tried to guilt-trip OP, saying she “would hurt these family members’ feelings and can never repair the relationship.”
Not Even Close
But for OP, inviting people she wasn’t close to was never part of the plan.
She wrote, “I’ve talked to my extended family maybe three times in my life. There is no relationship.”
What the Community Has to Say
For users, OP and her fiancé had all the right to refuse her mom’s request. She wasn’t the one getting married, after all!
“Not the a**hole. First off, you and your fiancé should only invite the people you want to invite. Full stop. Then there’s the logistics of ‘where would these people even fit?’ They won’t. Then there’s the matter of the budget, which would increase by a very hefty amount. There’s just no rationale here. And so what if some extended family member’s feelings are hurt, and you can ‘never repair’ a relationship that doesn’t even exist? Stick to the 20-guest limit and tell your parents that if they want to party at a wedding with 140 people, they are welcome to renew their vows,” commented one user.
It’s a Big Compromise
People also told OP that she was already generous enough to let her mom have her say for 20 additional guests.
This woman wrote, “Letting someone invite 20 guests to someone else’s wedding is a massive concession. Tell your mother that due to her attitude, she gets zero extra invites, and the next complaint gets her uninvited. And any complaint after that gets another family member uninvited with you telling that person that your mother specifically told you to uninvite them personally.”
Some users clapped back with their own experiences, showing how something like this is prevalent.
This Redditor shared, “My mom tried to do this. She has like 30 aunts and uncles, and I couldn’t invite one without inviting them all, so we’d limited the family invites to our immediate family and our aunts, uncles, and cousins. My cousin got married a week before me in a bigger venue with a bigger budget and invited all of my great aunts and uncles. My mom made a point of publicly announcing to the table at my cousin’s wedding, ‘Well, I guess I have to go explain to my godmother why my daughter couldn’t be bothered to invite her to the wedding.’ I bit my tongue from just as publicly responding, ‘Well, maybe if my parents had paid for the whole thing the way my cousin’s parents did, I could have afforded to invite her and her siblings.’”
There were some Redditors who explained that this typically happened if one had narcissistic parents.
One shared, “I am personally confused as to why a parent would want to invite people who didn’t have a relationship with their child. When my son and daughter-in-law asked me if I wanted to invite anyone, I kind of blankly stared at them.” Then, a woman replied and explained, “You clearly didn’t grow up with a narcissistic parent. My mom tried something similar for my first wedding. She wanted it to be all about her. Sounds like these parents are the same.”
What do you think? Was OP right to give her mom 20 slots instead?
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This post first appeared as Her Mom Demanded She Invite an Additional 140 People to Her Wedding. She Barely Knows Them, so She Refused. Now She’s “Guilt-Tripping Her,” Saying She’ll Destroy Their Relationship! on Quote Ambition.