This Redditor never expected his wealthy brother to fight for the inheritance he received from their parents, considering it’s meager compared to what he earns. Should he give him a share?
You’re Way Off!
When OP (Original Poster) was a college freshman, his older brother, who was a sophomore at that time, came out as gay. He thought their parents seemed “relatively liberal and modern,” but they were not.
Giving Him the Cold Shoulder
Since his brother came out, their parents have been giving him the cold shoulder, remaining “cold and distant” and only engaging in small talk whenever he was around.
Their parents would also only invite his brother over for Christmas and Easter and would ask him “not to make a big deal out of it in front of the entire family.”
Brother’s Last Straw
Well, OP’s brother’s frustration went through the roof, and he decided to confront them during one family dinner. Their parents started yelling, saying he was “ungrateful” and was trying to “humiliate” them in front of everyone.
After this, OP’s brother left, crying his eyes out.
Turning a Blind Eye to Things
Ever since their confrontation at dinner, OP’s parents and his aunts and uncles started behaving like his brother “disappeared for no reason.”
He shared, “Any time me or a cousin would bring up the fact, my parents and their siblings would just pretend he left for no reason or say platitudes about forgetting the past without any actual effort to reach out to him or apologize.”
Because of this, OP and his cousins had big fights with his parents about how his brother was treated.
OP said, “I had almost no relationship with my parents because, apart from being h********* a**holes, they were also very difficult people to be around.”
Following His Dreams
Even with his rocky relationship—or lack thereof—with his family, OP’s brother is very smart. So, right after his graduation, he found a job as a quantitative analyst in an American multinational company.
The company recognized OP’s brother’s talents, and after a few years, they paid for him to get his master’s in the United States.
The Perfect Life for Him
OP, however, took a “totally different” path in life. He stayed in academia, and while it’s a job he loves, he noted that the salary is quite “different” from what his brother makes.
He added, “I married the love of my life, and I had three wonderful daughters, whilst my brother and his fiancé are happily child-free.”
Maintaining Their Bond
Though they took different paths, OP never sided with his parents and did his best to keep in touch with his brother. It was hard, but they currently have a “very good relationship.”
OP wrote, “We tried to see each other as much as possible—we live on different continents—and we called about once a week.”
The Root Cause
But problems started popping up when OP’s parents died a couple of weeks before this story was posted. Because they disowned OP’s brother, he became the sole inheritor of everything.
He now owned their “nice suburban house” and a holiday home in a “nice coastal city.” OP noted it was not a considerable amount of money, but it was enough for him to pay for his daughters’ university fees if they decided to study abroad.
No Final Goodbye
OP’s brother refused to come to the funeral, which, for OP, was understandable. So, he just texted him to say that when he passed by, he was free to pick up anything he wanted from their parents’ house so OP could sell it.
It’s safe to say that OP’s brother was taken aback since he always assumed they would split the inheritance.
OP wrote, “I was taken aback as well because I never considered that someone who owns three houses in New York and one in Prague, someone who flies to Chamonix every winter and to Brazil every summer, would start fighting over an inheritance.”
Angry, OP’s brother accused him of “taking advantage of their parents’ bigotry.” He also said OP was “posing as a progressive until it did not cost him a dime.”
However, OP tried to explain that he just needed the money to pay for his children’s education. He told his brother he’d happily give him anything left once they graduate.
It’s Not My Problem!
OP’s brother sadly doesn’t see things the same way. He said that how OP paid for his “offspring’s” education was none of his concern.
So, once again fueled by anger, OP said, “I replied that if he had to be like that, then our parents’ decisions are none of my concern.”
Taking Him to Court
The day this story was posted, OP’s brother’s partner, Kevin, with whom he had a very good relationship, called him to say he agreed with OP about the money. However, when OP told his brother that he didn’t care about his parents’ decision, his brother took it as, “I don’t care they disowned you,” which he was deeply hurt by.
Kevin also mentioned that his brother was planning to reach out to his lawyers to take OP to court, and though he was able to talk him out of it, he was still “very p*****.” In turn, OP told him that he was willing to apologize and discuss with his brother if he only returned his calls.
Redditors’ Opinions on the Matter
For users, this might be a huge misunderstanding. However, whatever it was, it was clear that everyone sucks in this situation.
One said, “Everyone sucks here. But I think you already knew that. Your brother 100% was not entitled to go to their funeral. Your parents were h********* and put him down all his life and obviously stopped giving a s*** about him, and it should be on you to make sure he is still given his inheritance. However, as you said, he seems very well off, and from what we know from your post, he doesn’t have children he needs to worry about right now. Not saying he automatically deserves it less, but he could probably live without it.”
The same person added, “To be honest, this seems like a huge misunderstanding, and I completely understand why your brother is so shaken up about it. He was hoping that his parents would show an ounce of love for him that he never had gotten from them, and now he never will. I’m sure it’s extremely heartbreaking for him, but you didn’t see that side and were only thinking of your kids’ futures, as you rightfully should be. I know now you see the error and have tried to apologize, but the best thing you can do is give it time.”
Some Redditors feel that OP should split the inheritance in half, but others say he had no responsibility to do so,
One said, “Why? It is not OP’s role or responsibility to compensate for the s***** parenting their parents gave to OP’s brother. Even if there was no h********* involved, what if they left everything to OP? Would you still be telling OP to split it with his brother? I think you’re being way too much of a saint, my friend. And that is always easy to do when giving advice to someone else. But when you need the money, and your kids can benefit from it, you take what you get. It is not like OP manipulated his parents for the money, either.”
Another disagreed, saying, “He can keep all the money if he wants, but he will still be an a**hole for doing so. And yes, it’s even worse since the brother was disowned for being gay. The moral thing would be to include him.”
What should OP do? Could this be solved by a simple conversation?
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This post first appeared as He Refused to Split the Inheritance He Received From Their Homophobic Parents With His Wealthy, Disowned Gay Brother. Now He’s Accused of “Taking Advantage” of Their “Bigotry!” Was He Selfish? on Quote Ambition.